No! I can’t fucking love him. I don’t do that shit.
“Jesus, Gabby, it’s never felt this good,” he pants, and I can feel his orgasm coming. Without the barrier it’s easy to tell when he’s starting to harden, right to the point of release. Slowing his movements, he sits up on his knees and starts massaging my clit while pinching my nipples. The pain and pleasure combination sets me off and has me turning my head into the pillow to hide the connection I’m feeling with him.
“Fuck, Benton,” I moan, pushing my face into the pillow so my moans don’t wake Hannah.
And so he can’t see the true feelings that are radiating from me right now.
Love. Last time I loved someone, everything was ruined.
“Shit, Gabby,” he growls, smashing his lips to mine. His movements get stiffer and harder. The deeper he goes, the better it feels as I ride my orgasm out to his release. Fuck. This is perfection. We lay like that for what seems like hours. His pants matching my ragged breaths, our glistening bodies twisted together without anything between us.
It’s beautiful.
As soon as we finally start to move and get cleaned up, Hannah starts crying from her room down the hall. Benton chuckles and kisses my forehead when I groan. I don’t want to leave the bed. I don’t want to be away from him. I know I should, I know that being this addicted to him won’t end well, but I don’t want to.
“At least she waited until we were finished,” he winks, his famous fucking Benton wink that gets to me every time. He walks out and closes the door behind him, and I power out of bed to find all my clothes. I need time alone. I need time to process this. I need to leave.
“Hey, I’ve got some stuff to get done at my place today,” I say, bag already in hand when he walks out of her room with the baby on his hip. I have a phone call with Dr. Travers in a few hours and need to be alone for it. I need some advice, and he’s always been there for me whenever I need him. No matter what day or time. When I texted him last night, I still hadn’t realized my true feelings for Benton or how deep my feelings for his daughter were. Now, I have a shit storm of things I need his advice and help on.
“Oh… okay. Yeah, that’s cool. We’re just going to lay low today before having to get back to the real world tomorrow,” he says, trying to mask his disappointment. It actually hurts my chest to walk away from them today after all this time we’ve spent together, but I need some time to myself to figure these feelings out. I haven’t felt this strongly for anyone ever. I don’t even think I felt this way for Jordan, but even then, I still know what can happen when I have an episode. I know what happens in my attacks, and it’s not good. I can’t be the one to hurt this family.
By the time I make it home, I’ve tried talking myself out of staying in a relationship with him about ten times, but I still haven’t been able to stick with it. Something is keeping me from breaking it off with him. I know what that something is, but I don’t want to accept it. Grabbing lunch, I wait for the phone call that will hopefully help me settle some of the nerves coursing through my body.
When the call finally comes, I breathe a sigh of relief. He’s always been able to help me… hopefully this time isn’t any different.
“Gabby, hello,” his deep voice comes through the line and immediately soothes me. It’s been this way since I was a child, and saw him in my school counseling room. He knows my past and knows everything about what happened that night. Dr. Travers is a lifesaver, and the only man I’ll ever really trust.
Or, at least, I thought that would be the case.
“Hi. I’m sorry for needing this today, but things have been so scary lately,” I whisper.
“Scary how? Have you had any episodes?” His voice is professional, but still has a hint of personal worry. He’s invested his career in my well-being. He doesn’t charge me, he cancels appointments when I need him… he’s put shit on the line for me.
So I tell him. I haven’t seen him since Benton’s mom passed, so I fill him in on everything. He already knows about the relationship between us, but he doesn’t know yet about us being exclusive. I tell him about Benton, the job, Hannah, Benton’s dad. I tell him my worries about Annaliese, and how she’s not truly happy. I tell him everything. That’s the thing about Dr. T. He doesn’t judge, so I don’t hold anything back. The only way he can help me get through this is if he knows everything, so I tell him about the episodes the night I watched Hannah, the extra pills…. Everything.
By the time I’m finished, I feel better just from getting everything off my chest. It’s nice to talk to someone that knows what I’ve been through and doesn’t judge me.
“Sounds like you’ve got a lot going on. How’s your anxiety today?”
“It’s fine. I came home to have some alone time. It’s funny… I used to hate being alone, but I needed it today just to get my head on straight.”
“I understand. Listen, I’m not a fan of you taking pills when you deem fit. It’s not a good habit to get into, and it worries me that you’ve been doing this for a while now.”
I knew he wasn’t going to like it, but it’s the only thing that’s helped. I didn’t have a choice.
“I can’t not take them,” I whisper, worried he’s going to pull me from it all. “I need them. I need to feel normal.”
He sighs into the receiver, taking a moment to collect his thoughts.
“Gabby, I’d like to see you. Can you come in Thursday?” His voice is out of concern, but I hate that he can’t just talk me through this over the phone. “Don’t do anything rash, Gabby. Just spend the week mulling things over, no extra medicine. Spend time with Benton and Hannah… they seem to be good for you. I’ll see you at our normal time on Thursday, okay?”
“Yeah. Fine. Thanks,” I huff, unhappy with the outcome of this call.
So, now I get to wait all week to have him tell me I’m crazy.
Back to work it is.
Benton
More Lies
“Sue, find me the file on Tagers.” The account was opened a few months back, but I can’t find anything on it, and with the way my brain has been muddled lately, I just need to make sure something didn’t happen while I was gone.
“On it,” she says cheerily, walking out of my office with an air about her… something that I haven’t seen lately.
Yesterday, I came back to work to an office that was completely normal. Being gone a week, I would have thought that things would’ve been fucking nuts here, but it seems like Adam made sure to keep it as normal and smooth as possible until my return. That’s what’s good about working with him. He’s organized and thorough. Sure, he can be a ruthless dick, and sometimes wants to take on projects that are too big for his own good, but he’s the most reliable business partner I could’ve ever imagined and the best friend a man could ask for.
“Hey,” he says from my doorway. “Holding up good?” Adam walks into the room with purpose, clicking the door shut behind him. Slowly making his way to my desk, where I’ve been all morning, getting caught up with emails, he makes a point to check out every photo I have on my desk of my family.
“As good as can be expected, I guess,” I say, huffing when he sits in front of me. “What’s up, man? I’ve got a shit ton of catching up to do.”
Really, I’ve been avoiding him since I came back because I know he’s going to want to talk about shit.
“I know for a fact that’s a lie. I made sure to leave you less of a workload than you had when your leave started. It’s only been a week or so, B. You don’t need this stress,” he says, shaking his head and staring at the papers I’ve accumulated this morning.
“I need this more than you think, Adam,” I sigh.
“Really? Gabby not doing it for you anymore?”