She whimpers and backs away, closing her eyes like she’s preparing for a hit.
She thought I was going to hit her?
“Gabby,”’ I whisper, walking towards her and taking her face in my hands. “I’d never hurt you, Gabby. I love you, Gab. I just… I need to help you, and I can’t do that without knowing what’s wrong,” I plea with her, begging for her to tell me… to let me in. Her tears stream down her face as she backs away from me, breaking a little piece of my heart off and stomping on it.
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have even come here,” she cries, and then leaves the apartment as fast as she stormed in.
“Son of a bitch,” I mutter. Running into my bedroom, I grab the baby monitor and check on Hannah. She’s still fast asleep, and the monitor reaches outside the building. If I move fast enough, I can catch Gabby before she’s too far gone.
We can get through this. We have to.
Running out the door, I come to an abrupt stop at the sight before me. If I thought she looked fragile sitting on my stool, I was wrong. Now, curled into a ball in the corner of the hallway, crying her eyes out, my girl looks terrified and broken.
And all I want to do is take all the hurt away.
“No, no no Gabby,” I whisper, falling to my knees in front of her. I take her hands in mine, and she looks at me with tears in her eyes.
“It was all my fault, Benton. I can’t do it again.”
She sniffles, then shakes her head and curls into my body as sobs course through her. I manage to stand, holding her in my arms, and bring her back inside my apartment. Taking her straight to my bedroom, I lay her on the bed and let her curl her body into mine. It’s not long before the tears stop and her breathing evens out.
We have a lot of talking to do, but right now she needs to rest.
Gabby
It’s Time
Noo!
“Ma’am, you have to stay back!”
“Let me GO! My son is in there!” I wail on him until his hands let me slip free, but, from the impact of hitting the tractor, I’m not stable enough to get back to him. “Noah!” I cry out, crawling my best towards the flames.
“Gabby!” Jordan screams from the back seat.
No no no… Why can’t he get out?
“No!”
I keep screaming, but, when I feel the arms come around my midsection, I know it’s no use fighting. Everything hurts and I can only partly see out of my right eye. I know there’s blood all over me, but I don’t care. I have to get to my baby.
When the blast happens, my biggest fear unfolds right before my eyes.
Please, God… no.
Hold on baby, help is on its way.
***
“NO!” I jolt up, eyes tracking the room, all in an attempt to remind myself that I’m safe. I’m not back there.
“Hey, it’s okay, Gab.” Benton’s voice calms me and reminds me why I’m here.
He came for me and brought me in here. He didn’t make me talk, he didn’t make me explain. He just held me. That’s exactly what I needed… everything I wanted… and he did it without me having to ask.
“I’m sorry, Benton,” I whisper, contemplating getting out of bed and going home.
Last night, after my appointment, I completely lost it. On the way home, I saw a family on the train and they were so happy and laughing and playing with their small baby that I completely lost my shit. My mood has been shit lately, and I thought after meeting with Dr. T that things were looking up, but then I was reminded of everything while I watched that family. I didn’t ever make it home, I just wandered until I ended up here. Then Annaliese and Adam happened, and then I passed out.
That’s how low I’ve gotten.
“Lay down, babe. It’s the middle of the night.” His groggy voice would normally have me crawling on top of him, begging him to take me, but, this morning, I can’t stop my mind from rattling off everything I shouldn’t be doing.
I shouldn’t be here.
I shouldn’t have told Annaliese.
I shouldn’t be spending all this time with Hannah.
I shouldn’t… but I can’t get myself to leave.
I keep trying to get the words that Dr. Travers told me last night back to the foreground. I was so set on telling Benton when I left there. Even after seeing him in the office, sure I was scared that he knows something is up, but, by this point in the game, he’s crazy if he doesn’t suspect something.
Lying back in bed silently, he wraps his arms around me and kisses my head.
“I know you’re not ready to say it, and that’s totally okay. I don’t expect you to say it back to me just because I said it, Gabby. But know this…” He pauses and leans up on one elbow, looking me in the eyes. “I love you. I love that you are so good with Hannah, I love that you’re so determined to get past whatever you went through all alone…. But I wish you would talk to me. You need to trust that I can handle whatever it is you have in your past. I’m not going anywhere.”
He leans down and gently kisses me, igniting my need for him. It’s been too long since we’ve had sex that, the minute he deepens his kiss, I feel my body start tingling. Slowly and without words, he undresses me until we are each bare, vulnerable, and connected in only a way that lovers can. It’s not fucking. It’s making love. The way his eyes stay on mine with every thrust, the way his lips take in my pert nipples, sending waves of pleasure straight to my core. He’s treating my body as if it’s a temple. He’s worshipping me, showing me how much he loves me without words.
“You feel so goddamned perfect, Gab,” he whispers, his lips trailing my neck. I moan and arch into him.
“I’m so close, Benton,” I whimper, his hand snaking down and rubbing gently on my clit. “Oh, mmm,” I purr.
“Open your eyes, Gabby. Let go, baby. I’ve got you.” He thrusts harder, deeper, and within seconds I’m exploding around him, feeling the effects of the orgasm all the way to my toes. That has to be the fastest I’ve ever came before, and it definitely was one of the strongest orgasms I’ve had. So much passion and love in his eyes, making me feel things I’m not used to; things my body loves.
“Fuuuck,” he groans, firmly inside me as he lets go of his release. The feeling of being connected without any barrier is so sexy. I can feel every pulse of his orgasm, every small movement, and I fucking love it. Panting, he leans on his elbows and kisses me sweetly, rubbing his nose lightly on mine. Groaning, he moves to lie beside me
The room is silent, except for our breathing, his arm draped across me. I’m surprised that Hannah is still sleeping after that, but I’m thankful that she is. I need to tell him. Everything. And I finally have the courage to. That was the most passionate love making I’ve ever had. He bared his soul to me. It’s time I trust him with mine.
“It all started when I was a kid,” I whisper, his body still but I know he’s listening. “My parents were abusive drunks… the worst parents a girl could have.” I chuckle, because, looking back, I didn’t really think much about it. Now, though, I know how bad they really were. “When I was sixteen, I met a boy. I thought I loved him, and he took my virginity and me. In one night, I lost my innocence to a man that was just about as bad as my parents.” He groans and sets up on his elbow to watch me. I start tracing the lines inked on his arm absentmindedly while I talk, unable to meet his gaze. “I tried breaking it off with him once I realized once how bad he really was, but it was no use. He kept coming back and forcing me back into the relationship. I was weak and unstable, so I went with him. Stupidly.” I take a breath and pause.