“Can we just lay here for a while? I’m not tired, but I just… I want to feel you,” I say into his chest. He lets out a light chuckle and we lay down in complete silence. I’m not sure how I got all that out without having another panic attack. I think that’s the most I’ve ever talked about that night. Annaliese didn’t even get that much detail. Granted, I haven’t told Benton everything, but he knows the majority of it, he’s still willing to try this out with me, and for that I’m grateful.
About an hour of lying together is all we get before Hannah wakes up. Sighing heavily, he closes his eyes and takes a few breaths before making a move to get off the bed. Before he opens the door, he turns and grins at me.
“I’m making breakfast, taking the morning off, and we’re spending time together. Just us. Here. We’ll figure this out as we go, but I need you with me, Gabby.”
“I need you, too,” I whisper, watching his grin and slight nod before he leaves to get Hannah out of her crib.
I do need him. More than he knows.
The morning goes by with ease. Hannah is definitely a morning kid. So much energy and, even though it’s only been a few days since I’ve seen her, I feel like she’s grown an entire foot!
“It’s only a matter of time before she tries for her first steps,” Benton says from his spot on the floor. We’ve been sitting here for about an hour now, playing with Hannah and giving her some much needed attention. He’s right, though. She’s already developing fast. Next thing we know, she’ll be running all day and we won’t be able to hold her back.
I smile to myself, loving how a word as simple as ‘we’ doesn’t freak me out anymore.
Maybe telling him everything was the best thing I could have done for us.
I can do this, and he can help.
Benton
Death Changes People
“Hey,” Adam calls from his office as I walk into the office. Groaning, I knew this would happen, but I really wished it wouldn’t. Not at work at least, but apparently he can’t wait.
“What’s up?” I ask, popping my head in his door. Maybe if I make it look like I’m in a hurry, he won’t instigate this conversation. I know he’s going to want to talk about last night, but I’d rather not share all of Gabby’s secrets.
“Come on in, close the door,” he says, closing a few windows shut on his computer screen. Groaning, I find my way to his couch and plop down as unprofessionally as I can.
“This isn’t a business meeting, is it?” I ask.
“Nope,” he says, standing and walking around to sit on the edge of his desk. “She talk to you?”
“For once, I just wish I knew something before you,” I say shaking my head. “Of course she did. You really didn’t give her any choice, calling her out like you did. That was rude, dude.”
“It needed to be done. She’s got issues, B.”
“Yeah,” I say, rubbing my neck remembering her words this morning. “I know.”
“So, she tell you what happened?”
“About the accident?”
“Yes,” he drawls. “And the whole ‘blacking out while watching your baby’ thing.”
“Oh,” I say, thinking back to our conversation. “No… no she hasn’t.” She hasn’t, but I know she’d never do it on purpose. It may be stupid of me, but I seriously trust her with my daughter. Maybe I shouldn’t, though. Maybe I should just make it to where they never have alone time anymore. That seems incredibly unfair to both of them, but how am I supposed to make sure something like that doesn’t happen again? I’ve lost a wife and a mother in the past year. I can’t lose a daughter and the woman I love. I won’t have that.
“She can’t be with her, Benton,” he growls. “What if she was out in public with Hannah and that happened? What would’ve happened to your baby girl?”
He has a point. Gabby can’t go out with Hannah until I know she’s clear of the blackouts. She did say this morning that things have been getting worse lately. I wonder if being around us is causing her to have more? Now that I know her past, I can only assume that we bring back things she’d rather not remember.
Shit!
“Dude… I can’t leave her with Hannah,” I whisper, sitting back on the couch, feeling like I’ve been sucker punched.
How can the woman I feel like I could’ve spent the rest of my life with be this broken?
“Yeah… no. Definitely not. Not a good idea,” he scoffs. “She’s fucking nuts.”
“Don’t you ever fucking say that again, Adam.” The growl that comes out of me takes him aback and he cocks his head at me. “She’s not fucking crazy. She’s stronger than you and I put together. She’s a fucking fighter; she’s just broken. If you ever pull an asshole stunt again like you did with her, I’ll rip your balls off and feed them to the birds.”
“You love her, don’t you?” He grins and slides his hands in his pockets.
“I do,” I say, standing. “It’s insane how much I love her. I’ve never felt like this before,” I admit.
“Carly?” He raises his eyebrows.
“It’s an asshole thing to say, but, by the time Carly and I were into the adult stage of our relationship, we were already past the ‘honeymoon’ phase and well into the ‘I’m used to you so I don’t have to impress you’ phase. I’m not used to these grown up feelings I have for Gabby. Don’t get me wrong. I loved Carly with my entire heart, and there’s a part of me that will always… always… belong to her. She helped give me Hannah, she molded who I am today… she was my first love,” I whisper. “But she’s gone, and she’s not coming back. Gabby is here, and I know I love her. Hard. I’m going to help her, Adam.”
He smiles and nods slowly.
“Alright. Sounds good. I’ll help any way I can… you know that.”
“Yeah, thanks, man. A-Team and all that shit,” I say, chuckling. He laughs loud and sighs.
“Alright... get to work, slacker. You’ve got shit to do, and I have to make myself look busy while you run my business,” he says laughing.
Saluting him, I chuckle as I walk to my office. The entire time I’m working, I can’t stop thinking about Gabby and what happened to her. I wonder how she’s really dealing with it. I wonder if she’s on meds and what kind. I wonder how often she meets with Dr. T. Then, I wonder if I can really help her.
I can. I know I can.
By the time I make it to daycare to get Hannah, I’m ready to eat and relax. Even after an entire afternoon working, I still feel like I didn’t really get anything done. I have a new client meeting tomorrow that I didn’t prepare for. Adam wants to talk about the prostitutes he wants to employ, which pisses me off. I couldn’t stop thinking about Gabby all damn day, and my secretary was useless, letting calls come in every five minutes.
Useless.
When my phone rings after I finally have Hannah in bed, I smile at her picture on my screen.
My Gabby.
“Hey you,” I say smiling. “How was your day?”
“Ugh,” she moans and I immediately feel my dick harden for her. Shit this woman. “I’ve been job hunting all afternoon and so far nothing full time has come up. I’m starting to worry I won’t find anything in time to pay my next month’s rent.”
“I have faith, Gabby. You’re a smart girl. If I had my way, I’d be able to force the firm to take you back.” I hate that they let her go, but they claimed downsizing for the layoff.
I call bullshit, but I’m just a silent investor with no say in who they hire and fire.
“No. I don’t want to go back there. I don’t want a pity job. I just… I can’t be without my apartment. I guess I could move back in with my mom but-”
“No!” I blurt. She can’t do that! “I respect your choices, Gabby, but that’s a terrible idea.”
“I know it is, but, baby, I don’t really have any other choice. If I can’t pay, they kick me out. There’s no way I’m living on the streets.”
“Move in with me,” I blurt without even thinking about what I’m actually saying.