“The meds not working?” Why wouldn’t she just keep taking the medication that the doctor prescribed her? “Gabby, playing around with your prescriptions isn’t a safe thing to be doing.” I don’t want to sound too ‘fatherly’ or seem like I’m lecturing, but I can’t have her overdosing herself because of this.
“Relax, babe. Dr. T told me to take the lowest dosage I can to see how I do with it. He knows… it was his idea. I’ve been… misusing them lately.” She hangs her head, and I suddenly feel bad for insinuating that she’s not taking her meds right… like she’s some sort of junkie or something.
“You’ve been stressed… we all have,” I say sighing. “I love you, Gabby. I’m not entirely certain how you trapped me in this web of feelings, but you have me, and I’m not going anywhere. Stop trying to scare me off with your past, stop trying to make me want to leave you because you think having issues will make me not want you. Stop. I want you. I need you.” I stop when Hannah starts fussing. “I also need to get her fed,” I say, grinning.
Gabby laughs and gives me a quick peck before tending to Hannah in the living room while I finish up dinner. The rest of the night is spent just like any typical ‘normal’ family would spend theirs. I play on the floor with Hannah while Gabby does the dishes, even after I insisted I do them because she’s a ‘guest’… that didn’t go over too well, of course. After she finishes up, she comes to the living room with pajamas for Hannah and helps get her changed. I love watching these two interact, and I love how Hannah has taken to Gabby. My heart swells every time Hannah laughs at Gabby’s antics. I can see this woman being the mother of my child, but as beautiful as that sounds, I’m not sure Gabby ever wants to have that. We’ve never talked about our dreams and aspirations for the future because, for the longest time, we didn’t need to. We were just ‘fuck-buddies’… but now we’re so much more. With everything going on these last few weeks, we haven’t really had much time to talk about anything else other than the drama at hand. Between my mom, Gabby’s job loss, and learning what makes her… her, I haven’t really learned much else about the woman I love. The woman I could see mothering my children.
By the time Hannah’s bedtime rolls around, the two of us read her books and Gabby reluctantly lets me rock Hannah to sleep before setting her down in her crib. When I walk out to the living room, she’s propped on the arm of the couch, watching the TV, her face as pale as a ghost.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, moving my gaze to what has her in the trance. It’s just another woman on the news talking about the recent killings in a city about 5 hours south of us. Why would this have her looking like she saw a ghost? “Hey,” I whisper, kneeling next to her. Her face finally turns to mine, eyes wide, tears forming and blurring her beautiful irises.
“They’re looking for my mom,” she whispers. “They think… they said…” She trails off and turns back to the TV, sliding down onto the couch and wrapping her arms around her legs.
“What are you talking about, Gabby? This is from St. Louis… not Chicago. Your mom lives in Chicago. And, why would they be looking for her unless-” Then, the news broadcaster speaks and on the screen pops up an image of my Gabby about twenty years from now.
Fuck. Me.
“The woman, Lynette Burns Rosdale, was last seen driving a white Dodge Intrepid, traveling north on Interstate 55. If anyone has any information to her whereabouts, please call the number listed on your screen.”
Her voice trails off as my mind starts to race. Her mom is wanted for murder? She could pass as Gabby’s older sister! How in the hell can that be someone who made Gabby’s life so miserable?
“I have to go,” Gabby whispers, quickly getting up from the couch. Frantic, she starts searching for her things, tears streaming down her face. I can’t let her go. I can’t let her be alone right now.
“Stop, Benton… I ha… I have to go…” she cries, gasping for air. Her eyes close, and she pushes the heel of her hands to her temples. What the fuck is happening?!
“Gab, stop. You’re not leaving like this.” I wrap my arms around her trembling body, and break for the woman I love, as she melts into a panic attack. I can feel her pulse racing underneath my fingertips. Her breathing is ragged, and she’s whimpering and shaking.
“You have to let me go. I need to go. I have to leave; I can’t be here. She’s going to find me, she’s going to hurt you, and she’s going to hurt Hannah!” She’s wailing and crying, and it’s all I can do to get her to my bedroom and close the door, hopefully keeping the noise from waking Hannah up.
I have to calm her down.
“Shh. Gabby, listen to me. When was the last time you talked to your mom?” I ask, gently smoothing her hair as she curls into me on the bed.
“Uh,” she whimpers. “She called me at work… sometime right before I was fired. I hung up, then blacked out,” she whispers.
Shit.
“Gabby, before that, how long had it been?” I’m trying to keep my voice calm but I can’t seem to regulate my breathing right now. Is her mom stalking her?
“It’s been a while,” she says.
“As in?” I know I’m pushing, but I need to know.
“Twelve years,” she whispers. “Last time she spoke to me, she told me never to come back… so I didn’t. I packed up and drove north until I landed here. She threatened me, Benton. I wouldn’t ever go back to her.” I feel her tears start to soak through my shirt and curse. Fuck.
“I shouldn’t be here, Benton. It’s not safe,” she says, her voice eerily calm. “I know what she wants. She warned me. Somehow, she’s been following me… I can feel it. I’ve felt it for a while now, but seeing her face on the news today confirmed it. She’s coming for me.”
Bullshit.
“No. I’m not letting you walk out this door and walk out of our lives. You’re a goddamned lawyer, and I have connections everywhere. We’ll put a fucking guard outside this door until that lunatic is found, but, I swear to you, I will not let you leave me because you’re scared.” I rumble, angry that the thought won’t leave her mind.
“It’s not safe,” she whispers again.
Goddamnit!
“How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t care? I know the risks I’m taking, having a kid and bringing her out in public. Dammit, Gabby… I love you. Every bit of you. Stay here, and let me fucking help you.”
She sniffles and sits up, staring at me with her beautiful yet extremely different eyes.
“You’d put yourself in danger for me?”
She’s so convinced something bad is going to happen that it breaks my heart even more. She grew up with nothing but pain and bad news. It’s all she’s used to.
“I’m not going anywhere, baby.” I pull her in to me, and kiss her forehead gently. “Neither are you.”
She sighs and, together, we lay back on to the bed, holding on to each other until sleep finally hits.
The next day at work, Adam walks in to my office and closes the door immediately.
“Problem, B.” He sits on the chair opposite my desk, and puts his hands behind his neck.
Raising my eyebrows in question, I wait for him to explain.
“Annaliese won’t let me have the prostitute gig,” he says seriously.
“Oh,” I answer, trying not to crack a smile. “Well… too bad.”
I now know he’s been fucking with me all along when he cracks a grin then grits his jaw tight.
“Fuck you, man!” I laugh and he busts out laughter.
“How the fuck long were you going to believe that I’d take on a business like them?!” He’s laughing so hard right now; it’s good to see it after everything lately.