Now she was a sly, funny, beautiful, perceptive woman.
Now we were equals.
She asked about my family.
“They’re okay,” I said. “I saw my folks on Sunday.” I felt the same blockage rising in my throat as when Tatiana asked me if I had siblings.
Amy already knew, though. I didn’t need to hide anything from her.
I said, “I’ve been thinking about something my mom said.”
She put down her utensils and paid attention.
“She asked why I’m so angry at Luke. She wants to know why I don’t visit him.”
“What did you say?”
“I didn’t. I turned it around on her. I couldn’t help myself, she put me on the spot.”
Amy nodded. “All right,” she said. “Do-over. What would you say to her now?”
I thought about it. “I’m not angry at him. I mean, I am, on some level. But that’s not the reason I don’t go.”
I paused. “Have you ever seen him?”
She shook her head.
“He looks like me,” I said. “We could switch clothes and trade seats and nobody would notice. He could walk out of there and I’d be stuck behind bars.”
“Too close for comfort,” she said.
“I worshiped him,” I said. “What are we going to say to each other now? I can’t go. I used to. Every time I’d feel like shit for days afterward. I can’t do it.”
We let the babble of the restaurant briefly insulate us.
I said, “I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately. It has to do with this case. They’re not the same, not remotely. I can’t stop, though.”
Amy reached across the table and took my hand.
“Thanks,” I said. Forced a smile. “I’m actually a lot more fun than this.”
She smiled.
I said, “I’ll be right back.”
She held on to me a moment, squeezed, let go.
I locked myself in a bathroom stall, feeling foolish for having bolted the table.
I fished out my phone to check the time.
Tatiana had texted me, twice.
U went to see my mom
Wtf
The more recent message had come in twelve minutes prior. I fussed with my reply, aware that my date was waiting for me. Before I could finish, the phone dinged in my hand.
U need to call me she wrote. And then: Right now please
Busy I typed. Tomorrow
I silenced the phone and put it away.
Back at the table, Amy was helping herself to more tea leaf salad. “I heard my dad kicked your ass at HORSE.”
“PIG,” I said, sitting down. “And I let him.”
“Did you, now.”
“Can’t beat up on an old man.”
“I’m going to tell him you said that.”
“Please don’t.”
“What’s it worth to you?”
“I’ll pay for dinner.”
“Didn’t you know?” One corner of her mouth went up. “You already are.”
Bellies full, we walked to my car, stopping to kiss on the cracked sidewalk beneath a gaudy streetlight halo.
It was easier than kissing Tatiana, because Amy was five foot ten and because I didn’t have to worry about her reporting me to my superiors. I could feel her long torso through the dense wool of her coat. She pressed into me and the lapels parted, and I tugged my jacket open, allowing the warmth of her body to find mine. She was trembling slightly.
She pulled away. “Is this weird for you?”
“A little. You?”
“Definitely,” she said, moving in again.
We didn’t talk much on the drive back to Lake Merritt, letting the air between us build up a charge.
Turning onto Euclid, I slowed beside her car to let her out. It seemed like the gentlemanly thing to do: don’t make assumptions.
Amy said, “You can keep going.”
I kept going. I found a spot and parked, and we got out, walking in sync, fingers linked, bag of leftovers swinging in my right hand. We rounded the corner onto my block.
Whoever designed my building cared enough to mind the details. Fine exterior molding, for instance. Or the shallow alcove, framed in elegant green tile, enabling you to duck out of the rain while searching for your keys.
Amy’s grip tightened as a small dark buzzing shape stepped out to block our path.
“You went to see my mother?”
My heart was a fist. “What are you doing here.”
“You didn’t want to run that by me first?”
“We can talk about this later,” I said.
“I’d like to talk about it now,” Tatiana said. She rocked on her heels, speaking to me as though Amy wasn’t there.
“Tatiana—”
“You really upset her. And me.”
“I—”
“Are you even aware,” she shouted.
Her voice slammed off the asphalt and brick.
I said, “I’m sorry if I did.”
“Oh well that’s a superb apology,” she said.
I started to move forward, but Amy tugged me back. She didn’t know what Tatiana was capable of. Frankly, I didn’t, either. She was stinking drunk.
“Not to mention,” Tatiana said, “it’s pretty insulting you would believe she has any control over what I do.”
I said, “I don’t think that.”
“You must think something if you’re begging her to speak to me on your behalf.”
“That’s... No. If that’s what she told you, she lied.”
Tatiana pivoted toward Amy, acknowledging her at last, making a big show of looking her up and down, clocking her height, whistling. “Wow. Look at you.”
Amy said, “I’m Amy.”
“Tatiana.”
“Nice to meet you, Tatiana.”
“You, too, Amy. Some advice, Amy? Keep him away from your mom.”
“You know what,” Amy said, “I think I’m gonna head home.”
“You don’t need to do that,” I said, smiling hard at her. But the moment was dead, and her own smile was bruised.
“Walk me to my car?” she said.
Tatiana plopped down on the middle step. “I’ll wait right here.”
I tried to go slowly, buy myself a little time. But Amy had her own ideas and was taking giant, athletic strides, forcing me to keep pace.
“I’m so sorry about this,” I said.
“It’s fine.”
“We’re not together,” I said. “Tatiana and I.”
“Okay.”
“Just so you know. We — not anymore, though.”
“Roger that.”
“She’s in a bad place right now,” I said.
“So I gathered.”
“I really don’t know what’s gotten into her.”
“I’d estimate about nine beers.”
I almost said Her father just died but stopped myself. Not only would that be a violation of Tatiana’s privacy, it would make me look like an uncaring dickhead. “I’m sorry.”
“I said it’s fine, Clay.”
“How much longer are you in town?” I asked.
“I leave Thursday.”
“I’m free tomorrow,” I said. “We could have lunch.”
“Why don’t you sort things out with her first?”
“Nothing to sort. I swear.”
She did not reply.
We reached her car. Last chance. “You really don’t have to go. I can...”
Amy tilted her head. “Can what?”
Choke Tatiana out? Cuff her to a lamppost?
I said, “I’ll go talk to her.”