“Stopped me from doing what, when?”
“Me. Ever.”
The restless movement of his hands stilled. Sounds filled the silence, the soft tick of the fan, his heartbeat strong and steady in his chest and the rough sound of his breaths. Finally he sighed. “I was scared. Scared that I wanted you for the wrong reasons, and that I’d fuck it up before I could get the right ones straight under all the instinct.”
It wasn’t terribly different from her own reasons, and the realization was oddly soothing. Nick leaned down and kissed him gently. “Me too.”
“And?” He rubbed both hands over her lower back. “Still scared?”
Her answer surprised her. “Yes. But now I’m scared because we waited so long, and things are so crazy…”
“Things won’t be like this all the time.” There was no doubt in his voice, or in the strong touch at her back, holding her against him.
She tucked her face against his neck and murmured, “I don’t want you to fuck me unconscious.” It felt almost like a confession. “I want you to hold me.”
“Any time.” He wrapped both arms around her. “Any place. Forever.”
Instinct eased as she relaxed and drank in his quiet strength. The need for comfort was as much a part of the mating drive as a craving for sex, but so much harder to satisfy. Finding someone to be a lover and a partner was far less common or simple than one or the other.
And yet here was Derek. She nestled closer. “Thank you.”
His chest vibrated under her cheek with his soft reply. “You’re welcome.”
Chapter 13
Nick clenched her jaw as the door closed behind Aaron. Once again, she was being pulled into the backyard for a summit, one eerily reminiscent of the one Jackson had staged days earlier.
He’d made her say it out loud—“I might not be able to fix this.” She’d hated him for it at the time, and she wasn’t sure she felt much more charitable now. Still, she understood his motivations. They all needed her to understand what they were up against, the years of unwieldy tradition standing between them and Michelle’s happy ending.
Now Jackson was in Georgia, and the magic that had protected the safe house as they traveled back and forth was gone. It seemed Aaron understood the implications of that; they wouldn’t be able to make any more trips, and he and Michelle would be safe at the house, but mostly alone.
Nick forced herself to relax. “Did Michelle sleep at all last night?”
He looked too tired to lie. “No. She played calm and in control for all she was worth until everyone left, then fell apart.” He slanted a look at her. “Please tell me you’re not about to join her in a duet of the Peyton guilt ballad, because I’m seriously not in the mood.”
“I practiced mine plenty on Derek already.” Nick ran a hand roughly through her hair and cursed. “She’s going to kill herself if she doesn’t stop worrying, so we need to figure out how to make that happen.”
“That’s not why I dragged you out here, Nicole.” His gaze scanned the backyard, though it seemed mostly habit and not a conscious action. “We need to have a serious talk. You’re not going to like it, but I don’t give a damn.”
He never called her Nicole. She closed her eyes against his somber expression. “You’re not turning yourself in to protect Michelle and the baby. No way. Even if it would work, it would kill her, Aaron.”
“If turning myself in would keep Michelle and our baby safe, I would have already done it. But they’re not going to stop until they’ve got control of any children Michelle has, and that’s what I need to make sure never happens.” Aaron turned to look at her, and his eyes were dark. “If I can’t, you need to. Because I’m not coming out of this alive. Michelle can’t face it, so you need to.”
Her brain couldn’t process his words. This was Aaron, invincible, unstoppable Aaron, the man who’d been their protector even before Michelle had fallen in love with him. He was part of her family, and what he was saying was incomprehensible. “Shut up.”
“No.” Just one word, quiet and implacable, its hopelessness sharpened by the words that followed. “I knew this day would come the second I started having feelings for her. Falling in love with her made me a traitor.”
Incomprehensible…and true. “I’m going to find a way. Don’t get all fatalistic on me yet.”
The corner of his mouth tugged up in a sad smile. “Happily ever after isn’t in the cards for me. I’ll fight like hell for it for Michelle’s sake, but I came to terms with this shit a long time ago.”
Arguing was pointless and would squander time they didn’t have. “No one from the Conclave will ever touch Michelle or that kid,” she whispered. “I don’t care what I have to do.”
Aaron’s rugged face relaxed, as if a weight had been lifted from him, but when he spoke, his voice sounded tortured. “I promised myself I’d never cross the line. I told myself I was a decade older and knew better and I’d never break her heart like this. But when she got hurt in that mess with Charles Talbot… Instincts turn us all into idiots.”
A few weeks earlier, Nick wouldn’t have understood. “I get it. I get that nothing else matters.”
“I know you do.” He opened his eyes and reached out to muss her hair. “Little Nicky finally found a man who could handle her. Just so you know, he’s worth about ten of those prissy, well-bred jackasses back in New York.”
She launched herself at him and ended up with her arms around his rib cage in a tight, desperate hug. “But maybe only one and a half of you.”
His arms closed around her and he kissed the top of her head. “You Peyton girls have too much life in you for civilized men of good lineage. God help Derek when he figures out what he’s in for.”
His words stung, though she knew he hadn’t meant them that way. “Would you go back and do it differently? If you could?” Would you walk away while you still had the chance?
“God damn me to hell for being a selfish bastard, but no. I should, to spare her what’s going to come…” His voice faded to a whisper. “She’s worth it. So are you, Nicole Peyton.”
She freed one hand and swiped tears from her cheeks. “You’re an idiot, and I love you. I’ll take care of your family.”
“Never doubted it, shorty.” He glanced back toward the safe house with a tiny little smile. “I lay even odds that they’ve cooked up some sort of gourmet masterpiece by now, or that Michelle’s puking her guts out in the bathroom.”
They had to leave soon, and Nick sniffled. “Both. Derek whipped up the masterpiece while Michelle hung out in the bathroom.”
Aaron laughed and hugged her one more time before letting go. “I should know better than to gamble with a Peyton.”
“Nah. Some people never learn.”
After spending half the morning in Alec’s basement, Derek had come to one conclusion: When the apocalypse came, be it zombies or alien invasion, Alec’s house was the place to be.
A square wooden table now sat in the middle of the room and was covered with an alarming array of weaponry. More alarming was the fact that Nick didn’t even blink as Alec took apart a complicated-looking gun with a practiced ease that made it clear he was hardly paying attention.
“What about Coleman?” she asked. “Is he still looking at getting his kid in?”
Luciano handed Alec a small square of cloth and a bottle of what looked like oil. “Yeah, he’s working on it.”
Alec paused with the bottle in his hand and frowned. “Veronica’s been mediating disputes. Playing public defender so the Conclave members can pat themselves on the back about how fair they are is a far cry from getting her dad’s seat someday.”
Luciano flashed Nick a questioning look, and she wrinkled her nose. “Noah Coleman is too traditional for those kinds of aspirations, Alec. He’s worse than your dad. He’s been focused on marrying her off to one of the other families.”