“That’s some condescending bullshit, not an answer.”
“Come on, Gabriel. Nick’s always been a dreamer, but you strike me as the realistic type.”
Wanting to deny the truth just because Luciano had agreed with it was an immature, idiotic urge. Derek braced his elbows on his knees and dropped his face to his hands. “Have you been watching me this whole time, thinking I’m a fucking fool? An idiot who thought he could be a part of her life?”
“No.” The denial was quick and sincere. “Nick thinks she can talk them into letting her look out for Michelle down here. But that isn’t going to happen, no matter what she says to them.” He rose and paced the floor. “Nick wants to be with you, and she wants to take care of her sister. What she doesn’t understand yet is that she can’t do both.”
I have to let her go. Even as the thought formed, he couldn’t quite believe it had come from him. But Luciano hadn’t put it there—it had been festering inside him all along, the danger his wolf couldn’t understand because it would never understand that asking Nick to choose his love over her sister’s life would mean losing her anyway. If he backed her into that corner, he’d be as bad as the Conclave. He’d be worse, because he was supposed to care about her.
Derek stared at his hands and said it out loud, just to be sure. “I have to let her go.”
“Maybe not forever.” Luciano offered the words, but they were meaningless. “Maybe not even for long.”
A week ago, that reassurance might have given him hope. But hope was in short supply, and nothing could silence his furious instincts. They demanded that he fight, for Nick and for what they could be together. She was his.
And I have to let her go.
They drove back to Nick’s house in silence. Half a dozen times, Derek opened his mouth to say the words, to broach the subject they both avoided as if by mutual consent.
And half a dozen times he closed it again without a word, because knowing what he had to do didn’t make it easier. Not with Nick sitting next to him, radiating misery and hopelessness.
She didn’t speak when she parked and unlocked the front door, or while they walked through the dark foyer and up the stairs. When they reached her bedroom, she bypassed the lights and sank to the edge of the bed. “I have to go to New York tomorrow.”
“For how long?”
“I don’t know. A few days, at least. Maybe longer.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “As long as it takes for me to convince them.”
Derek knelt in front of her and laid his hands on her knees. “You don’t have to say it, Nicky. I understand.”
“No, you don’t.” Her head fell forward, and hot tears splashed on his skin as her shoulders shook. “I don’t even understand why the stupid bastards won’t listen to me.”
His heart broke as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his lap. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t apologize to me. I’m sorry. I’m—” The words broke off in a sob.
“I know you care about me. If there was any way…” His voice shook, and he swallowed back tears and tightened his arms around her. “You need to save your sister. You need to fight for her, and you can’t do that with me around. But I’ll be here.” I love you.
“No.” She pulled back to look at him, her face set in a mask of pain. “I can’t ask you to do that. I might have to sell the bar and my house. I don’t know if I’ll make it back to New Orleans, Derek. You can’t wait for me.”
You can’t stop me. But telling her wouldn’t help, not now. Now he needed to give her what she needed. He had to give her goodbye.
He lifted his hands to frame her face and kissed her once, hard. “If this is the last time, I want everything.”
“Everything.” Nick closed her eyes, but tears slipped down her cheeks anyway. “I love you.”
Those three words weren’t supposed to destroy him. Derek kissed the tears from her cheeks and prayed she wouldn’t open her eyes and find him crying too. “I love you, Nicole Parker Peyton.”
She nuzzled his face as she tugged at his shirt. “Make love to me, like it’s any other night. Like it’ll never end.”
It would be something to remember when he was alone in his cold, miserable bed. He lifted her to the bed and held up his arms so she could remove his shirt. Hers tore a little when he got his hands on it, but soon she was shirtless and he was free to cover her shoulders and neck with desperate kisses.
She wove her fingers into his hair and held his mouth to her skin while she whispered soft, encouraging words. Her whispers turned into gasps and then moans, and she let go. “Lie down.”
He couldn’t deny her anything. Not now. He crawled on the bed, rolled onto his back and held out a hand. “Come here.”
Nick clasped his hand and knelt over him. Her hair brushed his skin as she bent to trace hot circles on his chest with her tongue. Every movement was careful, deliberate, as if she meant to memorize him.
Finally, she kissed his stomach and lowered her hands to his belt.
“Baby.” He held her head and tried not to arch up against her. “God, I want you so bad. I need you.”
She unbuckled his belt, loosened his jeans and freed his cock. “I dreamt about doing this for so long.”
Even with their lives falling apart, the instincts inside him stirred. The soft touch of her hand conjured fantasies, the urge to rise off the bed and spill them both to the floor. To turn her over and take her with sure, strong thrusts that branded her as his. Instead, he dropped his hands to the bed and grasped the comforter. “Do whatever you want. Anything.”
Her breath blew over him, hot and teasing, a moment before she took him in her mouth.
Derek groaned as heat shot through him. “Fuck!”
It was slow and torturous. She stroked every inch of his cock with her hands, lips and tongue, breathing appreciative sighs and moans when he arched into her touch.
It was perfect, and it wasn’t nearly enough. Derek reached for her, wrapped his hands around her arms and tugged lightly. “Get up here. I want to kiss you.”
She crawled over him, flushed and panting. “What else do you want?”
“Just you.” He tangled his fingers in her hair and dragged her lips to his. He poured everything into the kiss, everything he couldn’t say and everything he felt. The love that should have been enough but couldn’t be.
Nick melted into him, her desperation matching his own. She began to jerk at her jeans, and she whispered against his mouth. “Help me, baby.”
He almost tore the button free from the denim. His fingers fumbled with the zipper, and he froze. “Shit. Condoms. We’re supposed to remember condoms this time.”
She bit his jaw with a growl and leaned over to fumble with the nightstand drawer. “I have some…”
Derek rolled over and reached past her to yank the drawer free from the nightstand. It fell to the floor with a clatter, and he snatched up a condom and tossed it on the bed next to them with a low noise.
Nick lay beneath him, her ass pressing up against his cock. She laid her cheek on her arm and drew in a shaky breath. “It feels so good when you touch me.”
“I know.” He kissed her shoulder and then her back as he dragged her jeans the rest of the way down her legs. His pants joined hers on the floor, and for several heartbeats he simply stood at the edge of the bed and tried to fix the sight of her stretched out on the bed in his memory. “You’re so fucking gorgeous, Nicky.”
She watched him, her eyes dark, and he knew she was doing the same thing—studying him until she could remember every detail and moment. “Say it again.”
The bed dipped under his weight as he knelt next to her and smoothed his hand up the line of her spine. “You’re gorgeous. You’re beautiful.”
“So are you.” She shivered. “I’ve always thought so. Even when you were taking your shirt off just to torture me.”