He puts me back down to my feet, pushing me back softly before gazing at me up and down. “Marriage looks good on you, señorita.”
I roll my eyes and take a seat on the chair opposite him. Devon has always been a terrible liar. “Stop bullshitting.”
“No lies.” He shakes his head, and it’s then that I notice how the skin around his eyes are wrinkled at the edges and his jaw has a few days scruff on it. Not like Devon at all, he’s always been a strong advocate for the ‘no beard’ campaign. I don’t know if there is such a campaign because you wouldn’t catch me dead in it, but Devon would definitely be the ringleader of the entire operation, equipped with a big flag that would read ‘No Beards’ across it. Riding horses are cool, but have you ever ridden a beard? I have, and let me tell you…
Yikes. I’m getting distracted.
“You look good.” I remove my jacket and toss it over the chair beside me.
“Now who’s lying.” He gestures to the waiter and then looks back to me. “I’m sorry, Isa.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I don’t care anymore.” I place my hand over his. “All that matters is that I have you back.”
His eyes remain on mine, his jaw clenching a few beats and then he abruptly yanks his hand away, his eyes finding the waiter’s. “Can I get two caramel filled donuts, one long black, and one latte.” The waiter scribbles his order down and then walks off.
“Devon?” I raise my eyebrows, trying to gain his attention. “I do have you back—
right?”
He stares down at his glass of water and then picks it up. “Honestly, Isa, I don’t know.” He leans forward as he reaches for my hand but it’s my turn to yank it away from him. Tugging on his hair in obvious frustration, he leans back on his chair again. “What we’ve been, how we’ve known each other…I just—I don’t think it’s going to be as easy to change from that to something more mainstream.”
Mainstream. If there was anything to sum up Devon and I’s friendship, it would not be mainstream.
I gaze out the window. “Why is that hard, Devon?” I look back at him. “It’s simple.
We are still friends, we just don’t do that side of what we used to do.”
He laughs, but it’s a bitter laugh, not a light laugh. Not a laugh I’ve heard come from Devon. “Oh, right, and so I should just forget how you use to come to me
when you needed sex or anything? Or I should forget how your skin felt under the palm of my hand?” He tilts his head. “How am I supposed to forget all those things, Isa? How am I supposed to forget the moans that would leak out of you right before you’d combust all over my dick.”
“Devon!” I look around the restaurant, hoping no one heard his little outburst.
Regardless whether or not that he would find it hard, I thought we had always been clear about where we stood with each other. It was always just sex and that’s why when we would have sex with other people, it was never a big deal.
“Devon…” I change my tone to a whisper. “Do you have feelings for me?”
The waiter comes over placing the donuts and the two coffees down. “Here you go…” he smiles, but both Devon and I are glaring at each other from across the table, none of us flinching, and he doesn’t have to say it because I see it there. Point blank right in his face that he does, in fact, have feelings for me. The waiter leaves once the silence gets uncomfortable.
“How long?” I ask, picking up my coffee.
“Too long,” he mutters, taking a drink of his coffee after blowing on it.
“Devon, you can’t—”
“—You don’t think I know that, Isa?” He leans forward, dropping his tone to a low whisper. “And that’s not even the worst of it.”
“Great.” I pick at my donut. I need carbs and sugar.
“Your husband?” he questions, and I pause. “Is my first cousin.” My chewing stops.
Dead.
My breathing even stops because what. The. Fuck.
My hand begins to shake as a deep buzzing sound pierces through my eardrums.
“Not possible,” I whisper, dropping the donut back onto the plate like it was infected. Though by this point, I’d take an infection. If a demon possessed my body right at this very moment, I’d submit. Yo, I tried this life shit, homie, now take me home.
“Actually, it is. My mom and his mom are sisters.” He leans back in his chair.
“You weren’t the only person who ran away to New Orleans for a chilled life, Isa.”
Chilled life? If his mom is anything like Bryant’s mom then he’s deluded. I wonder idly why I’d never met his mom.
“I’m confused. How can this happen? How does this happen?” I shake my head. “It doesn’t make sense.”
“Well, I’m trying to figure out why he married you.”
“Huh,” I laugh, taking a sip of my coffee. “Well, it doesn’t have anything to do with you, Devon. That much I can tell you.”
“Isa… I’ve known Bryant all my life. It’s not something I’m proud of and I don’t go broadcasting our connection—as you know—” he adds at the end, casting a gentle look at me. “But I’ve known him since we were born and he’s not a good man.”
“He’s not that bad, Devon.”
That’s a lie. He’s all things bad, and even though I know Devon has known him longer, I don’t feel comfortable with him talking about Bryant that way.
Devon scoffs. “Really? And you know this… how?”
I don’t. But over the past couple days, I’ve been getting to know Bryant a lot.
Slowly but surely his ice wall has been melting toward me, I can just feel it.
Whether that ice wall melts and drowns me, we will see, but I also don’t know what he and my father have that needed him marrying me. At least I’m not disillusioned with the thoughts of him being in love with me. I can’t get hurt this way because I have no expectations out of this marriage, I’ve known what was going on from the beginning.
“I just do.”
Devon shakes his head. “I can’t do this with you, Isa.” He stands from his chair and looks down at me, tossing some bills onto the middle of the table. “Unless you can see Bryant for what he truly is, I can’t do this with you. I’m sorry.” Then he walks out and leaves me there alone, gathering my thoughts. I feel like that was it. No matter what, Devon and I will never be how we used to be. We will never be as close as we used to be. That bridge has been burned and there’s no going back from it. Finishing my coffee, I get up from my chair and walk out of the restaurant. Brian is still parked in the same spot and when he sees me he gets out of the front seat and opens the back door.
I smile, not being able to say anything else. “Thanks, Brian.”
14
Bryant
“Are you going to tell her?” Isaac asks, smirking at me from across my desk.
“No.”
He laughs. “I’m not surprised, but I am surprised with why…”
“What do you mean?” I snap, feeling myself begin to get annoyed at where his impending questions are coming from.
“Well, you had no issues telling her anything before. I want to know why the sudden shift in telling her now?”
“Because,” I start, leaning back in my chair. “Because there’s no need to tell her anything. She’s compliant, for some fucked reason. I don’t have to manipulate her.”
“Tragic she actually doesn’t mind being married to you.” My fingers twitch from under my desk and thoughts of watching the life seep out of Isaac’s eyes make butterflies erupt in my belly. This, again, isn’t a good sign.
“Well, who wouldn’t?” I grin, brushing him off while putting a cigarette in my mouth and lighting it. I blow out a thick cloud of smoke and relish in how all my tense nerves relax along with murder plots and alibis to killing one of my best friends.
“Well, I don’t know. I know one girl who didn’t,” Isaac whips back. “Speaking of, she will be at the charity event this weekend, and I take it, you’re taking Isa with you…”