‘I’m sorry. You’re obviously in a lot of pain. But do please make sure this is not left here like this; we have a very nosey little girl in the house.’
Josh was about to reply when they both heard Jack screaming, then a crashing sound, followed by the baby crying.
‘He’ll have fallen out of bed,’ Maggie said calmly. ‘Can you go and see to Jack, please, while I check on the baby.’
Josh found Jack lying on the floor beside the bed with a fresh cut on his forehead. It seemed he had knocked over the bedside table and smashed the lamp, sending shards of glass across the wooden floor. Josh stepped on a jagged piece, swore loudly and staggered forwards in the dark. Still in the grip of the nightmare, Jack’s arms started flailing as he tried to push Josh away, then started punching him.
‘Jack, it’s me, it’s Josh... JACK!’ Josh slapped Jack’s face. After a moment Jack seemed to come to his senses. He looked like a frightened child.
‘Sorry... I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you.’
Josh helped him up and sat him on the bed.
‘Where’s Maggie?’ Jack asked anxiously.
‘She’s checking the baby. Let me see that cut on your forehead; the lampshade got broken.’ Josh walked on the edge of his foot to the bathroom so as not to push the glass deeper into his flesh. He got a wet facecloth, plasters and disinfectant, then cleaned and dressed Jack’s forehead before pulling the glass from the sole of his foot, disinfecting it and sticking on a plaster.
Neither said a word when Maggie walked in; Jack just gave her a helpless smile of apology. She gave Josh a pleading look, partly a thank you for taking care of Jack but she was also asking him for help.
‘You want to come downstairs and sit with me for a while, Jack?’ Josh asked, moving to the bedroom door.
‘No, I’m fine. You go back to bed.’
‘You’re not fine. If Maggie had been beside you, and God forbid with the baby in her arms, you could have done them both some serious damage. Talk to me, Jack. Come downstairs and talk to me.’
Jack glared at Maggie, knowing she must have been talking to Josh about him. He went into the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. Maggie was almost in tears as she raised her hands in a gesture of defeat.
‘I’m sorry, Maggie,’ Josh said helplessly, ‘but that little tussle has left me in a bit of pain. I think I’m going to have to go to bed.’
‘Of course,’ Maggie said, quickly recovering herself.
He moved slowly downstairs to the kitchen and picked up his medical box and a glass of water before limping back into the dining room. Lowering himself onto the bed, he removed a hypodermic needle, then breaking the seal off the morphine capsule, he filled the syringe. He cleaned the skin with a sterilised wipe before injecting himself. Next, sipping the water, he took two OxyContin tablets, before carefully wrapping the needle in tissue to dispose of later.
Josh took slow, deep breaths as the morphine gradually dulled the pain. He leaned back against the pillows and began to feel his body relax. He could feel rather than hear the soft footfalls as Jack came and sat on the edge of the bed.
‘You need to talk, Jack, get whatever is tormenting you out into the open.’
Jack got up and started to pace around the bed.
‘Maggie mentioned you had a gruesome murder case before the nightmares started. Is that what it’s all about?’
Jack sat back on the bed and, in a flat, emotionless voice told Josh all about Rodney Middleton and the horrific things he’d done. The only time his voice started to crack was when he explained about the victims who were still unidentified.
Josh shook his head. ‘What a monster. But he could have gone on to kill many more kids if it wasn’t for you.’
Jack didn’t seem to hear him. ‘I had a meeting with my boss about the unidentified DNA found in the bastard’s basement. I was told the case would remain on file as the cost of trying to identify every suspected victim would be financially unacceptable — it would be reviewed in a year or two. Even though Middleton got a whole life sentence and will never get out of prison, I pleaded that we should make every effort to find out who else he killed, but it fell on deaf ears.’
With the drugs kicking in, Josh was now feeling in desperate need to go to sleep, but Jack seemed to have just got into his stride.
‘I twisted some arms and I was given five minutes to talk to Middleton in the Old Bailey cell while he was waiting to be taken to prison. When the cell door opened and he saw it was me, he looked proper scared. I told him all I wanted was for him to give me names, to give the families closure.’
‘But he didn’t,’ Josh guessed.
Jack clenched his fists as he recalled the feeling of pulling the shoelace tighter and tighter around Middleton’s neck — his red sweaty skin, his bulging, terrified eyes. Jack whispered more to himself than to Josh, ‘I wanted to kill him.’
‘I can understand how you must have felt, Jack. But take some satisfaction from knowing his life behind bars will be a nightmare. Even on the nonce wing, there’s a hierarchy of filth and my guess is that he’ll be close to the bottom.’
Jack didn’t seem to hear him. ‘The worst moment for me was when I left court, so pent-up with rage and frustration I wanted to scream. Then a woman came up to me clutching a photograph of her fifteen-year-old daughter who’d been missing for five years. She was certain Middleton had murdered her, even though her DNA wasn’t a match with any of the blood traces we found in the basement. I’d seen that woman in court every day, alongside all the other grieving parents... I promised I would do everything I could to find out what happened to her daughter, so when the investigation was closed, I felt I’d failed her.’ Jack finally rested his head in his hands.
‘You need to move on, Jack,’ Josh said gently. ‘Try and put this awful case behind you. I know it’s not easy, but...’
‘You don’t understand,’ Jack said angrily.
‘I’m trying to.’ Josh was feeling utterly worn out and desperate for sleep now. The only thing keeping him awake was the pain gradually returning as the medication began to wear off. He felt relieved when Jack got up and opened the door. He slowly turned round with a pitiful smile.
‘I’m losing it,’ he said simply before closing the door behind him.
Josh took another syringe from his medical box and gave himself another injection of morphine. He rested back on the pillows, feeling the pain slowly fading, and closed his eyes.
Chapter 4
Josh slept until 9 a.m., then put on jeans and a white T-shirt before packing his belongings. He walked barefoot into the kitchen, where Maggie sat at the table forcing down a decaf coffee while the baby was sleeping in his carrier beside her.
‘Penny and Hannah have gone to the park, and Jack has gone for a run. He popped in to see you earlier, but you were sound asleep. Would you like some eggs and bacon for breakfast?’
‘That would be great, thank you. The mattress was very comfortable. Do you want me to let the air out and fold it up?’
‘Leave it... if Jack’s nightmares continue, he said he might sleep downstairs. Coffee or tea?’
‘Coffee would be great.’ Josh drew up a chair while Maggie prepared breakfast.
‘I had a long talk with Jack last night.’
Maggie handed him a freshly brewed mug. ‘Yes, thank you Josh. He seemed calmer when he came to bed and didn’t have another nightmare, thank goodness.’
Josh hesitated, wondering how he could explain his concerns to Maggie without revealing what Jack had said about wanting to kill Middleton.
‘He went into a lot of detail about the Rodney Middleton case. It’s clearly had a big emotional impact on him, especially dealing with the families whose daughters had been murdered or gone missing. I hope I am not speaking out of turn, but I think Jack is suffering from vicarious trauma. Basically, it’s caused by prolonged exposure to other people’s pain.’