Chapter 2
Hannah was still awake when Jack went up to check on her. He sat on her bed and gently reprimanded her for telling fibs. When she burst into tears and said she was sorry, he hugged and kissed her. As she settled back, he said they were trying to think of a nice name for her baby brother and, as she was his big sister, did she have one she liked? He was unsure about Bob SquarePants but asked her to keep thinking about it.
When he came downstairs, Maggie had lit candles for the table and dimmed the lights.
‘You know, Jack, we could move the big table from the dining room into here and get rid of this old kitchen table. Then we could use this as a kitchen diner, making the dining room obsolete... we hardly use it anyway.’
Jack closed his eyes; he knew where this was heading. ‘Please, Mags, no more knocking down walls.’
‘Not straightaway, but we could open up the dining and living room and make it one huge room. Maybe get a nice big fireplace to replace that hideous tiled thing we’ve got... or make a partitioned area for the kids to play in.’
‘The loft conversion will be a nursery and playroom for them. We can’t afford it anyway.’
‘Well, we do need to talk about money.’
Jack sighed. ‘Tonight is for baby names.’
‘I know you took out an extension on the mortgage which will cost us another five hundred a month,’ Maggie persisted.
‘Look, Mags, I’ve avoided VAT by paying Marius cash, which saves us a lot. He reckons they should be finished next week, so I’ll know the total then.’ Jack smiled reassuringly, wanting to bring the conversation to a close. ‘We’ll manage. Having one car makes a big difference.’ In truth, Jack didn’t know if they’d be OK or not. But there was no point discussing it with Maggie — she didn’t have the whole picture and he wasn’t prepared to enlighten her. He deftly changed the subject. ‘I’ll miss driving the Tesla though. Nice while we had it.’
Maggie frowned. ‘I think it’s awful that Simon’s not been in touch. He’s Hannah’s godfather after all.’
Jack immediately wished he hadn’t mentioned Ridley’s bloody car. ‘He’s abroad,’ he lied quickly. ‘I got an email from him about taking the car back to the dealers.’
‘An email? That all? I thought you were better friends than that,’ Maggie said, shaking her head.
Jack poured himself another glass of wine and tried to get the subject back on track. ‘Right, time we settled our son’s name.’ He was relieved when Maggie left to fetch her list of the names they had discussed so far.
She checked the baby monitor, quickly turning up the volume to listen to the baby’s breathing as it would soon be time for another feed. ‘Any thoughts on godparents?’ she asked.
‘Not yet.’
‘I don’t know if you agree, but I think Marius might be a good idea. I’m sure Penny would like it.’
‘Isn’t he a bit old? I thought it was about being, you know, like a guardian if anything happened to us?’
‘Perhaps you should remind Simon of that when he next surfaces,’ she said, testily. ‘Right, names. What sounds good with Warr?’ She flattened the notes out and picked up a pencil. ‘The names on the list are... Oscar, Nathan, Adam, Daniel, James, Vincent, Henry, Louis...’
Jack leaned back and kept shaking his head as she read out one name after another. ‘Don’t like any of them.’
Maggie pursed her lips in irritation; she knew what he was up to. ‘Stop shaking your head... we are not calling him Horatio! What do you think about Michael? That sounds good with Warr.’
‘Nope, I don’t like that either.’
She was losing her patience. ‘I like Jason, Jason Warr?’
Jack sighed and gulped down the rest of his wine.
Maggie slapped the table with her hand. ‘We need to register his name, Jack. And book a christening and...’
‘I want to call him Horatio. Horatio Hornblower was a brave, defiant captain who sailed his own path. His life was one big adventure. No compromising. He was also the son of a doctor,’ Jack added.
Maggie began to waver. ‘What if we name him after your father? Will that satisfy you?’
‘What... call him Charlie?’
‘Yes, then Horatio can be his middle name if you like.’
Jack thought about it.
Maggie continued nudging. ‘You have to consider the ribbing he’d have to contend with at school if he was called Horatio. I mean, some of the names these film stars call their kids are farcical.’
‘Axl’s all right.’
‘What?’
‘Guns N’ Roses singer’s called Axl’.
‘No,’ Maggie said firmly, unsure whether Jack was being serious. ‘But what about Adam? That sounds good with our surname — Adam Warr. I like that.’
Jack repeated Adam Horatio Warr twice out loud, which seemed to Maggie like a positive sign.
‘Terrific, we’ll sleep on that. I’ll feed and change him.’ Maggie quickly left the room before Jack could say anything else.
Jack had no intention of calling his son Adam. It reminded him of the criminal, Adam Border, who he had hunted obsessively for months, suspecting his involvement in a horrific murder and large-scale drug dealing. He had eventually tracked Border to Ireland and was then offered a bribe he didn’t refuse. Jack accepted the Giacometti painting to end the investigation and let Border go free, hoping he would go underground and never resurface. No, the name ‘Adam’ had all the wrong associations for Jack.
Just after eleven, Jack finished another large glass of wine, went upstairs, showered and got ready for bed. Maggie had already packed a small overnight bag for his visit to the clinic and was now reading. He opened her bedside table drawer and removed a small medicine bottle.
‘If you don’t mind, I’ll take one of your sleeping tablets to get a good night’s rest before the tests tomorrow.’
She worried that Jack was becoming reliant on the sleeping tablets but equally didn’t want him having a nightmare and lashing out. ‘I’d like you here with me tonight so if it helps you sleep, that’s fine. I’ll give him his next feed with us here in bed.’
A minute later, when Maggie put down her book and rolled over to face him, Jack was asleep. She turned off his night light and placed her phone beneath her pillow on ‘vibrate’ to wake her for the feed without disturbing him.
Maggie was in a deep sleep when Jack suddenly started pushing her in the back with both arms. He kicked out, making hard contact with her legs. She jumped out of bed and saw the look of fear on his face as he shouted through clenched teeth. ‘Stay away from me. Leave me alone, get back. I don’t know you. I can’t find you.’
She stood watching anxiously as he punched and kicked out, his body twisting and turning. She cautiously went to his side and shook his shoulder.
‘Jack, Jack, wake up. WAKE UP!’
His eyes opened wide in fear, not knowing where he was. He was panting and gasping for breath as he pulled himself into a sitting position. ‘Oh God, it happened again... are you all right, Mags?’
‘I’m fine. You were thrashing about and shouting, “stay away from me”, like you were seeing ghosts. God, Jack, you looked so scared.’ The baby monitor crackled, followed by the sound of Piglet crying. Maggie went to him while Jack, feeling nauseous, sat up rubbing his throbbing head — he was so hot, sweating like he’d done a workout at the gym. He got out of bed, snatching a cotton throw from the floor and staggered into the bathroom. He lay down on the cold tiles and covered himself with the throw.