The drive back to his place is quiet. We get undressed and do our nightly ritual without saying much. I know Andy is hurt and I never meant to be the one to hurt him. It’s almost awkward when we climb into bed. Still he pulls me close.
“Cate,” he says softly.
“Yes.” I feel the panic rising in me, unsure what he will say or ask of me.
“I want this shot at a future with you. You have all the reasons in the world to be scared. And I know you said you wouldn’t run. But I won’t hold you hostage. If you can’t be with me, it will hurt like hell, but I would rather you say it.”
I keep my clam trap shut at first. He lets out a long suffering breath of air. I meet his pleading eyes.
“I’m scared.” It’s a truth he deserves to know.
“What are you scared of?”
“Everything. I’m scared of how people will react when they find out. Mostly, I’m scared my heart can’t handle breaking a second time.”
“No one else matters. Just you and I. And I swear Cate, I won’t break your heart.”
“You can’t guarantee that.”
He doesn’t counter because he knows there is truth in my words. Instead, he wraps strong arms around me and holds me tight. He strokes my hair while I let out quiet sobs.
When finally the tears ease and I can speak, I whisper the words, “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” He breathes the phrase and I find myself searching and listening to the beat of his heart. It’s a long time before I can sleep.
Tomorrow is the party at the hospital. His future partners will be there. I need to have some answers for Andy in the morning and I fear what I want. I don’t think I’ll be able to feel solid about our relationship until it’s out in the open with our family and friends. That means I need to tell him about Jenna’s party. No doubt Ben will be there.
IN HIS ARMS, I WAKE up feeling safe. I lay still, content in his comforting embrace. I want to memorize his smell, his touch, his love, so I’ll never forget it. And I know it’s the past that continues to haunt me. Yet, he’s still here even after my minor freak out over finding out he wants to stay in the area for me.
When he begins to stir, I turn to face him.
“Good Morning.”
He presses his lips to mine. “Morning.”
I reach to twine my fingers in his hair. “Your hair is getting long.”
He gives me an impish grin. “I know. You want to cut it for me?”
I shake my head, knowing I’m dancing around the unspoken issue, so I push forward. “About last night…”
He takes my hand and presses a soft kiss to my fingertips. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have sprung that on you, especially with everyone there watching.”
“It’s wasn’t your fault,” I say. He hadn’t been the one to bring it up. “And besides, I want you to stay.”
A cautious smile blossoms on his face. “Are you sure?”
“I am, but…” I hesitate because this is the hard part. “We have to tell our family and friends.”
As much as it scares me, it has to happen.
He nods, and his expression sobers. “Are you going home for Christmas?”
“I’m going down for the week.”
His words don’t falter, which makes me wonder if he’s already thought about this.
“We can tell everyone then. I have to work most of the week. I should make it into Charleston by Christmas Eve.”
I remember something I haven’t yet brought up. It seems both of us have been holding back just a little.
“Jenna’s having a Christmas Eve party.”
He nods like he already knew.
“It’s a good place to start.”
His eyes hold me like an anchor, so I press forward.
“Ben.” It’s both a statement and question. I know he understands.
“It will be fine.”
I shake my head. “Easy for you to say. No one will hate you.”
He’s quick with a retort.
“Cate, no one will hate you either. I’m surprised Jenna didn’t crack and tell Ben about us already.”
Frankly, I am too. “He’ll be mad we kept this from him.”
“Babe.” He kisses me softly. “We can’t worry about everyone else’s feelings. This is about us. And you are it for me and you have been.”
He clears his throat, only to cover his mouth with a fist and let out a cough.
My body locks up as if I’ve been flash-frozen.
Slowly, I force the words out of my mouth. “Are you okay?”
He nods, but coughs again. “It’s nothing, a tickle in the back of my throat.”
I say nothing. He’s not stupid. He knows what’s running through my head.
“Cate, babe, it’s the season for colds and flu. I see patients every day. They have germs. I’m okay. I swear. I probably shouldn’t kiss you, though.”
He gives me a teasing grin, but doesn’t let me respond. He soothes my worried soul with tender touches and wondrous kisses on my body. I lose myself in feelings that aren’t emotions. He makes me forget that life is fragile, that we are fragile.
We spend a lazy morning in bed and he hasn’t coughed anymore. I’ve let the worry go for now. At some point, he gets up and makes us breakfast. I feel so spoiled I show him my appreciation in all the ways that has him gripping my hair and calling out my name.
I don’t even know how we make it to the hospital’s Christmas party later that evening. Andy holds my hand as we walk into the ballroom of the hotel next to the hospital.
“Convenient,” I say to Andy as he ushers me through the front doors.
“They wanted staff to be able to come over and be close if they are called back in case of an emergency.”
The dress code isn’t black tie. People come in a variety of outfits from very causal to semi-formal. The black dress I’m wearing is somewhere in the middle. As I take in the room, which isn’t as fancy as the balls I’ve been to over the past few months, the décor is nice and more comfortable than some pretentious places I’ve been. I’m not sure what to expect, but it isn’t the warm welcome I get from Becca.
“Hi. Cate, isn’t it?”
I smile. Andy is behind me speaking to some of his colleagues and Becca is positively beaming. Before she can say anything else, a man not much taller than her comes over and slips an arm around her waist. Her face lights up and I understand where her glow comes from. I couldn’t be happier for her.
A hand gently touches the small of my back and I turn to the side to see Andy standing next to me. A little more than cordially, he says, “Becca, Fredrick.”
Becca gives Drew a megawatt smile and Fredrick matches her.
“Drew,” he says. “And this must be—” says Fredrick, the ginger, with a possessive arm around Becca.
“Cate,” I say holding out my hand.
“Nice to meet you.”
He gives me a business handshake while Becca smiles at Drew. “Fredrick tells me I have you to thank for convincing him to ask me out. He says you gave him the push he needed to take the chance.”
Drew laughs as if she’s exaggerated the story. “He was almost there. I just got him to realize that sometimes it’s good to take a risk.”
His eyes brush over me and I wonder if he thought I was a risk when I kept running from him.
She steps in and gives Drew a quick friendly hug. I’m surprised when I feel no hint of jealousy. It’s clear she’s smitten with Fredrick. “Thanks.” Then in almost a whisper, she adds, “I think he could be the one.”
Her smile borders on shy as she steps back and lets Fredrick put his arm around her. I start to calculate when this all happened, considering her bold statement of Fredrick being her one. Only someone calls out the name Drew from across the room. We turn and see Désirée barreling toward us. She stops short when she sees me.
“Drew?”
I’m not sure why there is a question in her voice. I glance over my shoulder and see that Becca and Fredrick have been roped into another conversation. So I don’t feel so bad that we’ve rudely turned away from them.
“Désirée, I’m surprised to see you here. This is a staff event,” Andy says questioningly.