He was watching me and I knew he noticed my reaction. “Because he’s the one who told me what my grandfather had agreed to.”
There was no need for him to explain any further. I nodded in understanding, my voice stolen by emotion I wasn’t sure I was ready to face, and questions I wasn’t ready to ask. Like, what else did he tell you?
Death seemed to be all around us. I felt like we’d just gone through this, and we had. I didn’t want to know anything else right now. Besides, I had pushed Logan away from me by not allowing him to accompany me to my sister’s funeral. I wasn’t going to let him do that to me. I wasn’t going to let anything like that happen again between us. I was his, and he was mine, and that meant we took care of each other. It had taken me some time to realize that, but I did now.
I reached out my hand, “Come on.”
His eyes questioned me.
I didn’t hesitate as I grabbed his hand.
My towel was still around me as I took the lead and walked us to the hall bathroom.
Twisting to turn the water on, I took a deep breath and blinked away the tears that had formed in my eyes. Once the blur cleared, I focused on the buttons of his white shirt and avoided looking at the red stains.
One. Two. Three. Four.
He stood stoic as I opened the flaps and pulled each sleeve down. Balling the shirt up, I tossed it into the corner. I’d get a garbage bag and throw the clothes away later.
Next, I undid his belt and then the zipper of his slacks. I got on my knees to slide them down, urging him to lift his feet so I could remove his shoes and socks at the same time.
Logan watched me the entire time, every move, every breath. He was stiff, uncertain, but still he let me. And when he was naked, he stepped into the already steaming shower and hung his head.
The defeat I’d witnessed in his body when I first saw him on my bed and that I saw right now frightened me. He was the strong one. The one who always had a plan. The dauntless warrior I could only hope to be.
When he pressed his palms to the wall, it occurred to me that it was my turn to be the strong one in our relationship. He’d taken control and protected me from the very beginning. This would not crush him; I’d make certain of that.
Sensing how much he needed me right now, I took my towel off and stepped into the shower with him. At first I only wrapped my arms around him and settled my cheek against his back. It struck me that the biggest difference between Logan’s loss and mine was that Logan had an incredible bond with his grandfather. In fact, if I had to guess, I think Logan was closer to Killian than he was to his own father. I found myself whispering to him. “He loved you, Logan, remember that.”
More whispers.
More water sluicing down on the two of us.
Time passed
I kept whispering.
Something got through to him because finally he turned around and grabbed me, pulling my body as tight as he could to his, and when there was no more space between us, he buried his face in my neck.
We stayed like that, under the spray of the shower in each other’s arms until the water started to cool. And when it did, I took the soap and washed him. Sexual stirrings weren’t what I had planned, but with each one of my gentle touches, his cock grew thicker and harder.
Just as I set the soap down, he pushed me against the shower wall and once again buried his face in my neck. “I need you,” he whispered.
“I’m here, Logan. Right here.”
His body radiated heat as his erection pressed against my thigh and I knew what he meant. “Turn around.”
I did.
His hands gripped my hips.
Tight.
Mine flattened against the tile wall and I bent forward, offering myself to him.
His groan was muffled but his actions spoke clearly. He slid a finger inside me, plunging upward, then another. Wet. Wild. When he removed his fingers he plunged his cock inside me. He slid in easily. A cry leaked from my throat when he was all the way in. He moved, thrusting faster and faster. I could feel my clit swell as it accepted all he had to give. He moved faster still, bucking wildly. I pushed back against him, and the wet slap of my skin against his belly made me moan.
Logan clutched my hips harder. His fingertips pushed against my bones and his thumbs pressed into my skin, all the while his cock was filling me.
Although this fuck wasn’t meant to be about pleasure, it still felt delicious.
Solace took over.
Water made us slippery.
Still, we fucked.
Wanting to connect with him even more, I reached back to wrap an arm around his neck and I held him as tight as I could. He kissed my neck and moved at his own pace. I shifted my hips to meet each and every one of his thrusts. Before I knew it, my stomach was practically flat against the wall and both my arms were wrapped around his neck. One of his hands was bracing the wall while the other began to rub my clit without mercy.
As I embraced him with everything I had to give, he anchored me, giving me his strength. Together we formed a perfectly aligned union in the face of despair.
His breath quickly became ragged and he ground his hips into me as he took up the pace. Harder. Faster. Wilder. He wasn’t rough, though. He moved at a tempo that helped ease his pain and I gave in to that. When I felt my body approaching the edge, I deliberately held myself back, wanting this to be for him.
“Let yourself go,” he demanded, his thumb rubbing circles around my clit.
“No,” I whispered.
“I need this,” he insisted.
So I did. I gave it up for him. My clit was pulsing out of control under his touch and his words were all I needed. I went tumbling into a climax fierce enough I thought I could see the heavens. My screams were loud. Filled with sorrow for everything we’d both lost.
Behind me, Logan let out a series of low groans filled with the same I was certain.
And very unexpectedly we came together. In the shower. In his time of need.
A heartbeat later he turned me around.
Needing stability, my hands went for his biceps, where the muscles bunched and tightened. Fingers gripping the powerful force that he was, I realized something. Beyond being long and lean and physically strong, Logan also had a strong mind and soul. It felt good to remind myself of that—that his strength wasn’t only physical in nature.
He’d get through this.
We’d get through this—together.
Whatever it took.
When he was ready, he eased himself back and turned the water off. This time he took my hand and led me out of the shower. We dried ourselves in silence and when I went to tuck my towel inside itself to hold against my body, he finished the job for me.
His eyes fluttered closed, then opened to meet mine. “Thank you for being here for me, but if all this craziness is too much for you I understand. I wouldn’t blame you if you walked away right now, because fuck knows you should be running.”
There was no hesitation in my reply. I took his face in my hands. “I’m not going anywhere that isn’t next to you.”
His eyes remained on mine, as if he were waiting for me to change my mind.
I wouldn’t.
Or maybe he was waiting for me to include a “but.”
There wouldn’t be one.
Ever.
DAY 21
LOGAN
Everything about this was wrong.
And I knew it.
We were in between viewing hours at my grandfather’s wake, for fuck’s sake.
Yet, I couldn’t resist her. She was like a drug, an addiction, and being with her was the only way I could keep from spiraling out of control right now. I needed Elle in a way I couldn’t explain. It was like she was the glue keeping me together.
And she knew it.
She had followed me into the bathroom. Locked the door behind her. Then kicked her shoes off. She didn’t have to say a word. I knew why she was in here. I should have sent her away.