My brow creased. “Okay.”
She drew in another breath.
My cell vibrated again, but I was too busy trying to untwist the knot that just formed in my gut to even think about answering it. “Hey, just tell me, because right now I’m thinking all kinds of weird shit, like maybe you have a husband out there and you want to go back to him.”
She shook her head and the corners of her mouth tugged up slightly.
“Phew, okay then, anything else I can handle.”
“There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it. I can’t get pregnant.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but I wasn’t sure what the correct response to that was. An “I’m pregnant” might have shocked the shit out of me, but an “I can’t get pregnant”? I wasn’t sure what to do with that.
“Let me explain,” she added.
Good, because I was standing there dumbfounded.
She seemed a little lost, and the breath she sucked in tore at me.
“Take your time, Elle. I’m here when you’re ready.”
She blew out the breath she was holding. “Okay, I’m ready.”
I stepped a little closer.
She stopped me from getting too close. “When I was fifteen, my mother started to go into renal failure and needed a kidney transplant. My sister and I were both matches, but my sister was the better match. The surgery was scheduled, but the night before my sister swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills and had to have her stomach pumped. Because of this she was no longer a viable donor, and I took her place. During the surgery there was a complication. Once I was closed up my vitals weren’t recovering. The doctors discovered I was hemorrhaging internally and the surgeon had to go back in.”
Step by step, I slowly inched toward her. My heart was beating faster as she revealed more of the horrific childhood she’d had to endure.
She was shaking as she relived what must have been a nightmare. “I was bleeding severely and somehow in the midst of the trauma, my uterine wall had been torn. The doctors tried to fix it, but in the end they couldn’t. Now, I can’t get pregnant.”
I wiped her tears away with my thumbs. “I’m sorry, Elle. That was a terrible thing that happened to you.”
She pressed her face against my hand. “I’ll understand if you want to end things.”
My breath caught in my throat. Was she kidding me? “How can you even say that?”
“Because I’m broken,” she whispered.
“Broken?”
“Yes, I’m barren. And if we stay together, I can’t have your children. I should have told you a long time ago and I’m so sorry I didn’t.” She said it with such sadness in her voice that it hurt to hear.
Everything about her suddenly became very clear. I understood now more than ever her connection to Clementine. I took her hand. “I’m not him, Elle. I’m not your father, and I’m not your old boyfriend. I’m not going to leave you. I’m not either of them.”
She squeezed her fingers around mine. “I know you’re not them, Logan, and right now it might not seem like a big deal, but it is. You’re younger than I am, don’t forget, so maybe you’re not thinking about a family right now, but someday you will. And this is especially important for you because you’re an only child and it means your last name won’t have a legacy. There will be no one to carry on your family name.”
All I could do was stare at her. She was broken, but not in the way she thought. Actually, I preferred to think she was bent and I could straighten her out the way she was doing it to me. I brought my hands to her face. “If the day comes that we decide it’s time to have children, we’ll adopt.”
She shook her head.
“Elle, it’s done all the time.”
Tears were in her eyes. On her cheeks. Sliding down her face. “Logan, don’t you understand? I can’t have your children and you know this now. You should walk away and find someone else. Someone who can give you a family.”
Taking her other hand, I tugged her closer to me. “Just like you once said, I’m not going anywhere. I’m sorry, Elle, but I really don’t see this as a roadblock in our relationship. Not in the slightest bit.”
“You’re not mad I didn’t tell you before?”
My hands cupped her face. “No. This obviously means a lot to you, and finding the strength and courage to finally tell me makes me proud of what we have together. It means you trust me, you really trust me.”
Relief. Hope. Admiration. A myriad of images passed over her features.
The butler bell on the door chimed, surprising me, and I quickly turned around.
“Hey, man, I’ve been calling you,” Declan said, walking in with Peyton and a tray full of coffees.
I leaned in and whispered into Elle’s ear, “We’ll finish talking about this later.”
This time she took my face in her hands. “Think about it, Logan, really think about it. It’s a much bigger deal than you realize.”
With a hug and a kiss to her on the forehead I whispered, “I don’t have to. What you told me doesn’t change anything between us.”
“It should.”
“Stop it,” I scolded. Thinking she was being ridiculous, I kissed her on the lips and pulled away. Then I turned to Declan. “You got me now. What’s up?”
“Miles just called me. Tommy Flannigan was found dead in his cell this morning. Knife to the throat.”
The girls both gasped.
A chill ran through me. Not because the motherfucker was dead. Not because I felt a huge sigh of relief that the shadow that had loomed over me for years was finally gone. But rather, because if his death actually occurred as he predicted, the chances that he was lying about O’Shea killing Lizzy were pretty slim.
“Crazy shit. Right?” Declan said.
My mind was thinking in overdrive. I kissed Elle one more time and then focused on what came next. “Are you busy right now?” I asked Declan.
“I have to go in to work and do inventory, but I’m flexible. Why? What’s on your mind?”
I looked at my watch. It was almost nine.
Elle looked at me warily.
I had to be careful. And I would be. I wasn’t going to go this alone anymore. Still, I knew she’d worry, and telling her my thoughts wouldn’t ease her mind at all. I didn’t want to lie, but I couldn’t blurt out the truth just yet, either. “I wanted to hit the gym before it got too busy. Saturdays can be crazy in there.”
Saturdays were always dead in the morning and he knew that. Too many hangovers for the guys to show up that early and start pounding the bag. “Yeah, sounds great.”
The boutique opened at ten, and it looked like Elle was happy with my response and was starting to get ready. She was behind the cash register, counting the money in the drawer. I walked up behind her and put my lips to her ear. “I’ll pick you up at six. We’ll run back to your place and grab a few things, and then jet. We can even take my old man’s car if you want.”
I felt her shiver under my touch, and I knew if we were alone and I could slide my hands between her legs that I could reassure her everything was fine. She must have had the same thought because she pushed her body back against mine. “Are you sure?” she asked.
I turned her around and pulled her flush to me so I could kiss her harder, more passionately. “I’m sure . . . about everything,” I said, stressing the last word.
She squeezed me tightly and I knew she felt relieved about telling me. I wasn’t lying to her about my feelings. We’d be just fine, and we’d deal with the child situation when the time came.
Declan was busy tongue-diving into Peyton’s mouth and I thumped him on the shoulder. “Come on, man, let’s go.”
He pulled away from Peyton and I heard her sigh.
Guess they liked each other.
When we stepped out onto the sidewalk, the sky was bright enough that I had to pull out my sunglasses. I stopped just out of sight of the boutique. “Can you call Miles and see if he can meet us at my old man’s in an hour? We need to regroup.”
Declan squinted against the sun. “Yeah, sure. What are you thinking?”
“That there’s a possibility Tommy wasn’t lying about O’Shea killing Lizzy or about the reemergence of the Dorchester Heights Gang.”