Believing Crystal would explain in her own way, Laura sat down and began gently rubbing her back, patiently waiting out the long moments before the young woman spoke again.
"I went over to see Patty and we got into it over the old woman," Crystal sighed. "Again. I don't know why she even bothers trying. It's not going to change the way I feel. I told her from now on she should come over here with the kids instead of me going there."
"Did she agree with that?" Laura asked.
Crystal shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno. I was so pissed by then that I just jumped in the car and took off." She shook her head. "I guess Doc was right when she said that I was mad at Patty because she defends the old woman." She reached for her shirt pocket where the half-empty pack of cigarettes were. "I need a smoke," she said. "Can we go outside?"
"Sure," Laura said, standing up and reaching for Crystal's hand. Together they walked through the kitchen to the deck. They sat down on the chairs, Laura saying nothing while Crystal lit her cigarette and took several drags.
"I told Jenny about us," Crystal said, finally breaking the silence. She looked down at her hands. "She's not happy about it." "Why do you say that?" Laura asked.
"The way she reacted when I told her we're lovers." Crystal took a long drag. "Maybe you should talk to her."
Shifting her chair closer, Laura put her arm around Crystal and pressed her lips to the blonde forehead. "Was she mad about it?" "Not mad," Crystal said. "I think she was hurt."
"Oh." Laura said, rubbing her lover's back and trying to figure out how to handle this latest problem. While her breakup with Jenny had been extremely painful for both of them, she thought that was all in the past. "I'll talk to her if you want me to," she said, tracing the outline of Crystal's ear with her finger. "But I want you to know something." Tipping Crystal's face up to hers, Laura bent her head and brushed their lips together. "What Jenny and I had is in the past. We're close friends and hopefully will always be that way but we could never be lovers again. You're the one I want, the one I love." She saw the shadow of doubt still lingering in the soft blue eyes. "What is it?"
"What if Jenny wants you back?" Crystal asked in a small voice, letting her insecurities show. "You gotta admit, she's a better" "No," Laura said quickly, pressing her fingers to Crystal's lips. "Don't do that. I don't want Jenny back. I want you. If you believe nothing else, believe that. No matter what Jenny says or does, it's not going to change how I feel about you."
Minutes after Crystal left for work, Laura jumped into the Jeep and drove across town. As she had hoped, the orange Thing was still in its parking space when she pulled into Jenny's apartment complex. It was a meeting that Laura did not want to have but for Crystal's sake, one she knew she must. Hoping for the best, she walked to Jenny's door and knocked. Seconds later the door opened to reveal Jenny still in the sweatpants and tshirt she slept in.
"Morning," Jenny said, stepping back to let Laura inside. "What are you doing here?"
"We need to talk," Laura said.
"About?" Jenny said without enthusiasm as she gestured at the couch.
"You know what about," Laura said. "Crystal and I. I understand you weren't exactly happy about the news when she told you." "How I feel about it is irrelevant," Jenny said, crossing her arms and leaning against the low counter that separated the living room and kitchen. "Not when it affects Crystal," Laura said, leaning forward to rest her forearms on her knees. "She thinks you still have some feelings for me." Jenny raked her fingers through her short brown hair and turned away. "You don't want to go there, Laura," she warned. "Why?" Laura asked, though she suspected she knew what it was that had Jenny so riled up.
"Oh don't play that with me," Jenny snapped, raking her fingers through her hair. "How could you?"
Three years of living and loving the woman standing before her had taught Laura well and she knew that at this particular moment, she and Jenny were about to have quite an argument. "You make it sound like I defiled some virginal maiden," she said, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back. "It was consensual."
"And you didn't do anything to encourage her just like that bitch in Colorado, right?" Jenny said, storming across the living room to the reproduction fireplace where a picture of her and Laura rested on the mantle. "Just another notch in your belt, right?"
"Crystal means more to me than that and you know it," Laura said defensively. "I love her."
"You told me you loved me once too," Jenny said, still staring at the picture and refusing to look at her ex-lover. "How long before you're sleeping around with some horny fan?"
"I won't," Laura said, rising to her feet.
"Like a promise of fidelity from you means anything," Jenny scoffed. "Or is that only promises you made to me?"
"What's this about, Jen? The fact that Crystal and I are lovers or that you and I aren't?" Laura asked. "I tried to get you back for almost four years and you shot me down each time. The best I could ever hope for was the occasional sleepover."
"How could I ever trust you again?" Jenny asked. "Do you think it was easy for me to walk out on three years of my life?" "It seemed easy enough from where I was standing," Laura said, trying hard to keep her voice from rising with the increased tension. She stood behind Jenny and put her hands on the therapist's shoulders. "I know it's my fault but it hurt like hell when you left," she admitted.
"Yeah well it hurt like hell when I came home to find that message on the answering machine too," Jenny said, shaking off the gentle hands and walking over to the couch.
"I know," Laura said quietly. Following Jenny's lead, she took a seat in the nearby chair. "Jen, this isn't the first time I've been with someone since we broke up. Why now?"
"You weren't serious about those other women," Jenny said. "You'd go out on a few dates, tell me all their shortcomings and why you couldn't possibly maintain any kind of a relationship with them, then move on to the next one."
"And I'm not moving on this time," Laura finished for her.
"I remember when you used to call me up practically screaming about your roommate from hell," Jenny said. "I thought you were going to have a stroke over the shower curtain."
"I remember," she said, leaning forward so her elbows were resting on her knees. "I even threatened Peter with bodily harm for ever sending her my way."
"So why?" Jenny looked down at the carpet. "Why her over all the others?"
"I've asked myself the same question," Laura admitted. "And I've tried to chalk it up to a dozen things from loneliness to some sort of misplaced caretaker complex." She chose her next words carefully, knowing Jenny would be hurt by them and wanting to minimize that as much as possible. "But the simple truth is that I love her. I didn't plan on it happening but it did and I can't change the way I feel."
"You didn't plan on sleeping with that girl in Colorado but you did," Jenny pointed out angrily, her eyes glistening. "Does Crystal know about your wandering eye or did you keep that little bit of information to yourself?"
Laura bristled at the accusing tone. "I told her," she said evenly. "And it's not the same thing. I didn't have feelings for Lisa. I love Crystal." Jenny gave a small snort and looked away. "There you go again, Laura. Don't you understand that there's more to a relationship than love?" "I know that," Laura shot back defensively. "But I think it's a good foundation, don't you?"
Jenny turned to her. "What about trust?"
"You'll never forgive me for that, will you?" Laura said, leaning back in the chair. "Jen, if I could go back in time and change what happened, I would."
"And if you had gotten home first and found that message, you would have erased it." Jenny raked her fingers through her short brown hair. "Don't you understand? After that happened, the trust was gone between us and without trust, there could be no relationship. I would always be wondering if you were telling me the truth or trying to cover up another affair. I couldn't live like that."