"You don't play fair, you know that?" She leaned down and, brushing the light brown bangs out of her way, planted a soft kiss on Jenny's forehead. "All's fair in love, war, and trying to get you to see my side of things," Jenny said with a grin. "Now, you have any of that lavender bubble bath left?" "Yeah, there's some upstairs in the linen closet. Why, you thinking of taking a bath?"
"Right after you do."
Laura raised her left arm and sniffed. "I guess I could use one."
"Guess? After running around right field all day and then being in that smoke-filled bar a bath is a requirement unless you want to sleep on the couch tonight." She sat up and stretched, groaning as stiff muscles protested the movement. "Besides, I could use a good long soak about now."
"You go first then. I'll catch up on my email and get some writing in. Do you want the blue or red pajamas?"
"Blue. It's too hot for flannel."
"You could go with au natural, you know." Laura wiggled her eyebrows lecherously. "I wouldn't mind."
"Oh, that's subtle," Jenny said sarcastically. She put her hands on Laura's shoulders and pointed her in the direction of the stairs. "Maybe you should take a cold shower instead of a bath."
"Brrr, you're no fun."
"You just go up there and get your mind on writing instead of in the gutter."
"Yes Mother."
"Keep it up," Jenny warned playfully. "My threat to make you sleep on the couch still stands." She picked up the empty cups. "And don't think I won't."
Crystal thrashed about her bed, the blanket becoming tangled around her legs. In her dream, her father was coming closer, screaming obscenities the whole way. Feeling trapped, she struggled harder, the frantic movements finally bringing her to wakefulness. She looked about the room, momentarily disoriented. "Damn" Taking a deep breath, she rubbed her face with her hands and tugged her legs free of the blanket. Sleepy eyes barely open, she slowly got up from bed and trudged her way into the bathroom.
When she was finished, the half-awake women shut the light off and turned left, opening the door and stepping inside. Only then did she realize her mistake. Get lucky tonight, Doc? The two women were facing away from her, Jenny's arm wrapped protectively around Laura's waist. Crystal started to leave but found herself unable to tear her eyes away from the sight. I thought that only happened in the movies. She had seen a man and woman sleeping in the same bed but never had she seen two people cuddled up so close. It wasn't a case of having nowhere else to sleep, it was obvious the women wanted to be with each other. Upset by the nightmare and envious of the love Jenny and Laura shared, Crystal finally turned away and headed back to her own room.
Well this sucks. Now awake with nothing to do, Crystal looked around her room. Where is it? She kicked the blankets out of her way, turning up a boot and a sock but not the missing remote. There's probably nothing on this late anyway. She opened the vertical blinds and looked out at the night sky. The moon gave little light, barely enough to see the outline of the trees separating the complex from the lake. She retrieved her cigarettes and lighter before opening the sliding glass door and stepping out onto the balcony. Misjudging where the chair was, Crystal ran into it, the metal legs scraping against the wooden deck.
"Huh? Whazzat?" Laura mumbled, picking her head off the pillow. Jenny's hand came up and gently pressed the dark head back down. "Shh. I think Crystal is on the deck." Jenny's voice was clearer, having been awakened a few minutes before by the sound of the toilet flushing and the bedroom door opening. "You go back to sleep, Honey."
"Hmm? Wha time is it?"
"Time for you to relax. I'll go see if she's all right."
Laura mumbled something unintelligible and promptly fell back to sleep. Jenny waited for a minute then slowly slid out from between the covers. Crystal turned her head at the sound of the door sliding open. "I didn't mean to wake you up."
"I'm a light sleeper," Jenny said as she stepped onto the deck and pulled out the empty chair. "So what gets you up at this hour?" "I had to pee." She frowned as the therapist sat down and put her arms on the table between them.
"That's always a good reason." Hoo, hoo, hoo. "Sounds like we're not the only ones awake," Jenny observed. "Good evening, George." As if recognizing his name, the owl hooted a reply. "Whenever I was in a melancholy mood, I'd come out here and listen to him."
"You?" Crystal snorted with disbelief. "Come on, Doc. I can't see you being like that."
"Everyone has a rough day or night," she added.
"I didn't say I had a rough night."
"You didn't have to," Jenny said. "I'm a therapist, remember?"
Crystal ran her fingers through her hair, straightening out the wild blonde locks. "I told you I'm not into deep chats."
"No, you like to keep everything bottled inside," Jenny challenged. "You know what the definition of insanity is? It's doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."
Crystal bristled at the words. "And you think talking about is the answer. Patty told and she got the crap beat out of her. All of your therapy isn't going to change what happened." She roughly ripped a cigarette out of her pack and lit it, throwing the lighter down on the table. "So you're just going to keep existing instead of living?" Jenny shook her head. "You're stronger than that."
"What would you know about it?" The orange glow of the cigarette grew, then dimmed behind gray ash. "You don't know what I went through, what Patty went through." Growling with frustration, she threw the cigarette over the rail. "Can you make the nightmares go away?"
"No," Jenny began.
"I knew it." She threw her hands in the air and stood up.
"Only you can make the nightmares go away, Crystal."
Her hand paused on the door handle. How? She leaned forward, pressing her forehead against the cool glass. "I've tried," she whispered, the words sounding strange to her own ears. "Sometimes
" Sometimes it hurts so much. "They won't go away."
Jenny rose and stepped behind her. "They will if you face them." The therapist's hand touched her shoulder and Crystal flinched involuntarily. "Don't let the past keep controlling your present."
"I
" The hand on her shoulder squeezed encouragingly. Crystal tried but couldn't remember the last time someone had been so gentle with her. Her heart pounded in her chest. "I don't know if I can."
"You may not know but I do," Jenny said softly. "It's scary to take that first step but believe me, it's the most important." Her hand, which had stilled, now began moving in small circles on Crystal's back.
"How can I talk about this with a stranger?" Crystal's body stiffened when Jenny's hand began moving, relaxing only slightly when the hand stopped and rested against her shoulder again.
"Start with baby steps. You don't have to take a giant leap. I can recommend several good therapists who specialize in childhood abuse issues." Crystal stiffened again and this time Jenny removed her hand.
Crystal turned around. "I thought that's what you did."
"I do but I don't think it would be appropriate for me to counsel you. You're Laura's roommate and she's my ex-lover."
"So?"
"There's a confidentiality that could be compromised in that situation and I won't take that chance. I don't want to have to worry about what Laura and I talk about and if you and I have both a social and a professional relationship, I don't want that line to accidentally blur." "Oh." You tell me I need help and then you refuse to help me? Bullshit. You just don't want to deal with my fucked up life. Crystal grabbed the door handle. "Whatever. Don't worry about it."
"We can still be friends and if you ever need to talk"
"That's what the therapist is for, right Doc?" She jerked the door open and stepped inside. "Night." She closed the door and blinds, leaving Jenny standing on the deck. A few seconds later Crystal heard the other sliding door open and close, followed by muffled voices, then silence. That's right, Doc. Go curl up with your girlfriend. You don't have to worry about me. She flopped on the bed, only then remembering that her cigarettes and lighter were sitting on the table outside. Fuck. Shutting the light off and rolling over, Crystal punched her pillow twice before settling down. Jenny's words played themselves over in her mind.