Crystal nodded and looked away. "I don't think I can."
"I know you can," Laura said firmly. "You're strong. You can handle it."
"Strong?" Crystal snorted. "I don't think so."
"How can you say that?" Laura shifted and waited for Crystal to look at her before continuing. "Have you ever seriously sat down and thought about it? I don't know many people who would have survived what you have. After all the horrible things your family did to you, you still managed to get away and support yourself all these years." Laura shook her head. "At fifteen I was worrying about passing Biology and not getting too many pimples. I don't think I could have made it on the streets all by myself." Laura paused, choosing her words carefully. "Especially if I'd been raped." The word caused an immediate reaction. Crystal stiffened noticeably and crossed her arms in front of her chest. Her eyes took on a faraway look. The now burning onions couldn't be ignored any longer. "I'll be right back," Laura said as she rose to her feet. She went to the kitchen and shut off the burner, deciding that the pan could be cleaned out later. When she returned to the living room, she found Crystal in the same position, lost in deep thought. "Hey."
Crystal looked at her, blue eyes rimmed with red from her crying. Laura fought the urge to pull Crystal into a hug, instead resuming her seat next to the emotionally pained woman. To her surprise, Crystal reached out and grasped her wrist, pulling her hand back to its previous position around the blonde woman's neck. Taking the invitation, Laura wiggled closer until she had Crystal's head resting on her shoulder and their bodies touching. "So do you want to talk or just sit here for a little while?" she asked softly, letting her thumb move back and forth across the curve of Crystal's shoulder.
"Did you have a bike when you were a kid?"
"Um ," Laura replied, remembering now Crystal's habit of changing subjects without warning. "It was purple with a white flowered banana seat and a matching basket on the front."
"I had a bike too. It was Patty's before she gave it to me." Crystal continued to let her head rest against Laura's shoulder, a move that surprised them both. "It was a boy's bike but that didn't matter to us. It was a bike. She won it, you know."
"Patty?"
"Yeah, there was an art contest put on by the school and they gave away a bike to the winner. She bought herself a bigger one at a garage sale with some money she had saved. Patty was good at saving money, not like me."
"Not one of your strong suits, hmm?"
"I never have any money to save but even when I do get some extra, I usually spend it right away."
"I've always been a saver," Laura said. "Dad used to make me put a third of my allowance each week into the bank. By the time I graduated high school I had enough to pay for my own car."
"After Patty bought the ten speed at the garage sale, we used to ride our bikes everywhere. Of course that was before that drunken bastard ran over them with his fucking car. Took us almost a year of returning bottles before we could get new ones." Crystal sat up and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees and rubbing her hands together. When seconds passed with no further words from Crystal, Laura wondered if that would be the end of the conversation for the night but finally her roommate began talking again. "I loved having a bicycle," Crystal said. "It gave me freedom. When I was out riding it, no one could touch me." Crystal blinked several times. "He couldn't touch me," she added in a lower voice.
"He can't touch you here either," Laura said softly, hoping to encourage Crystal to continue talking.
"For all I know the bastard could be dead. I wish he was." Crystal sat back and looked at Laura. "I really need a drink and a smoke." "Cigarettes or something else?"
"Does it matter?"
"Depends on whether you want to keep talking or not. If you want a cigarette, we can go out onto the deck. If you want the other, you'll have to go up to your room and I don't want to be around that stuff." Laura hoped she wasn't making the wrong move. It seemed that Crystal was on the verge of really opening up and Laura certainly didn't want to do anything to hinder that but at the same time she didn't want to encourage the drug use.
"I guess a cigarette it is then," Crystal said, rising to her feet. "But it is getting cool out there with the wind and all. Can we go upstairs to my room? I have that orange chair in there that you can sit in if you want."
Laura hesitated, knowing it put the pot within easy reach and she was certain Crystal wouldn't stay away from it for long in her current state. "I'll tell you what. Do you know how to play rummy?"
"Sure, Patty and I used to play it. I kicked her butt."
"You clear a way through that minefield of a room of yours and I'll bring the cards."
"Deal."
It had been several days since Laura had seen the inside of Crystal's room and thus was surprised to see that her assumption of disarray was on the mark. Dirty clothes were scattered about the floor, no doubt remaining where they were originally thrown when Crystal was changing. The small waste basket near the bed was filled to the brim with cigarette butts and empty whiskey bottles. Crystal's newest purchase was sitting on the nightstand, the glass next to it already filled with the amber liquor. Crystal was sitting cross-legged on her bed, the ashtray and lit cigarette next to her. "How do you find your way to the bed?" Laura joked as she pulled the orange chair next to the bed.
"Well the bed doesn't move. I know where it is. I'll pick all this up when I do laundry. Come on, let's play cards."
"Can you light one of those incense before your cigarette kills me?"
"Help yourself. You know where they are. Here."
Laura caught the thrown lighter and soon had an incense stick burning in the holder. Settling into her chair, she smoothed the bedspread and began shuffling the cards. "Regular or gin rummy?"
"Regular. I hate getting caught with all those cards in my hand," Crystal said. She took a long drag on her cigarette before picking up her cards. "So you're always trying to get me to talk about myself. Tell me about you for a change."
"There isn't much to tell," Laura said as she arranged her cards. "What do you want to know?"
"I dunno." Crystal shrugged her shoulders. "When did you figure out you were a dyke?"
"I prefer lesbian," Laura corrected. "And you go first by the way." She waited for Crystal to put a card in the discard pile before reaching for the deck. "I was in college so probably around nineteen or twenty or so." She set three aces down on the bed before tossing a useless queen into the discard pile. "I figured out what I was months before I slept with another woman, though."
"How did you know if you didn't
?"
"You need to throw a card out and I didn't need to have sex with a woman to know that emotionally I could only connect with one. There's more to it than just sex." Laura picked up a card and rearranged her cards, seeing if the jack could be of any use.
"Have you ever been with a guy?"
"Again how do I know if I don't try it, right?" Giving up on the jack, she tossed it on top of the discard pile. "When did you put that run down? I didn't notice." Laura looked through her cards, debating about ruining two possible runs just to play off of Crystal's cards. "And for the record, I have slept with a guy before."
"And?"
"And it was okay but not what I want. A woman is different, I suppose." Setting down a run of hearts, Laura smiled as she set down the discard. "You'd better start moving there, I only have one left."
"So that's where all the damn hearts were," Crystal said, taking another long drag on her cigarette. "I needed that nine and you had it all this time?" "I didn't know you needed it."
"Funny." Crystal tossed the jack of hearts out, not wanting to be caught with a face card should Laura be able to set down her last card and go out. "So what about you? I know you're straight but have you ever