"I'm not gay," Crystal said, wondering just what 'signs' Helen had seen. Was it the way Laura caressed her hand during grace? The gentle touches on the shoulder?
"So you say," Helen said, not sounding at all convinced of that fact. "You told me the other day that you haven't been in any serious relationships so how do you know?" "I
" Stymied, Crystal tried to think of an answer. Of course she was straight, right? After all, she had never been with a woman and never looked as a woman as a sexual partner. The fact she felt closer to Laura than anyone else in her current life didn't mean that she wanted to pursue a lesbian relationship with her. No, Laura was just a good friend who held her when she cried, who made dinner every night and took the time to listen whenever she needed to talk. They were just close because they lived together, right? "I
" Crystal swallowed and tried again. "It's just not anything I've ever thought about." She took a final drag of her cigarette and put it out in the ashtray.
"Perhaps you should," Helen said gently, reaching up with her fingers to straighten out the wild mess of platinum hair being blown by the gentle breeze. "I may be a hopeless romantic but I know that love sometimes shows up in the most unexpected places. You shouldn't shut the doors without at least taking a look at what's inside." Just then the door opened and Laura stuck her head out.
"Hey, I found the old home movies and Bobby just went to the attic to get the screen. Crystal, do you want to watch some boring home movies?" "Oh," Helen said excitedly, pushing herself up from her chair. "I haven't seen those in years. You were such a cute little girl."
"Sure, sounds like fun," Crystal said, rising from her chair as well. From the portraits and photos lining the walls of the house, she had a good i.e.of how Laura looked as a child but to actually see a home movie would give a life to those images. It also helped that the movies would serve as a way to end the conversation between her and Helen. The older woman entered the house first and Crystal was very aware of Laura holding the door open for her and the way the writer's hand seemed to brush her shoulder as she walked past.
"What?" Laura asked, causing Crystal to realize she had been staring.
"Oh nothing, just got lost in thought, I guess," the blonde woman replied lamely, hoping her answer did not sound as stupid to Laura as it did to her. The living room boasted two chairs and a low couch. Bobby rearranged the furniture so they were all facing the portable movie screen and took his seat on the right side of the couch while Gail and Helen took possession of the chairs. Feeling that it would look silly to sit on the floor when there was space available on the couch, Crystal took a seat at the left end, leaving the center for Laura, who was busy threading the film through the projector. When Laura did sit down, Crystal decided the couch wasn't as wide as she had originally thought. Her body was pressed against Laura from hip to shoulder. The film was starting, showing a gangly girl of ten and a baby dressed in blue sitting on the grass in front of a house.
"Forgot the lights," Bobby said, rising to his feet. Crystal looked over at Helen, surprised to see the older woman looking back with a knowing smile on her face. Crystal wanted to scowl but thought it inappropriate since she was a guest and turned her attention to the screen where the scene had changed to show Laura's mother and a big burly man with short white hair that she could only assume was Laura's father. Crystal started when she felt warm breath near her ear.
"There really are some funny parts in here," Laura whispered. "Like when Bobby climbed into the fish tank trying to catch Dad's prized angel fish. Mom caught it and filmed it before Dad got home."
"Uh huh," Crystal murmured, hoping Laura would turn her attention back to the screen, certain that Helen could somehow see in the dark and was smiling at them.
"That wasn't so bad," Laura said as she backed the Jeep out of the driveway.
"It was fine. Your family is very nice," Crystal said, looking out the passenger window as the Taylor house slowly slipped out of sight. "I don't think Mom had to break out the photo albums, especially the baby pictures."
"Oh I thought those were cute, especially the tub pictures." Crystal said but the teasing tone that should have been there was conspicuously absent. "Is something bothering you?" Laura ventured.
"Naw, just have a lot on my mind," came the dismissive answer. It didn't satisfy the writer at all, especially when she looked over and saw the faraway look on Crystal's face.
"It helps to share."
"Naw, I just need to think some things out." Clearly it wasn't a subject that Crystal wanted to share. Laura tried twice more on the ride home to initiate a conversation only to give up when she could not get anything more than one or two word answers. When they arrived home, Crystal said her good nights and immediately disappeared into her bedroom, leaving Laura to wonder what had happened at her mother's house to have such an effect on the younger woman's mood.
Chapter Thirteenth
R-r-r-rrrr, click. R-r-r-r-rrrr, click. "Dammit, why won't you start?" Slamming her hand against the steering wheel, Crystal turned the ignition back to the off position and tried again. This time the Omni started but not without a great deal of fuss and a misfire. It had been a good day at work but to come out and spend ten minutes trying to get her car started had soured Crystal's mood considerably. When she was finally certain that the hatchback would stay running, she put the car in gear and pulled out of her parking space. The blocks passed as the blonde let her mind wander over the day's events. After six weeks of sweat and labor, the renovations and restoration of the building was almost complete. When Michael had called her into the office shortly before the end of her shift, Crystal feared it was to tell her that there was no more work for her to do. To her surprise, he actually called her in to make certain she wanted to work on the next project he had lined up, renovating an old school into a set of low income apartments. To top it off, he gave her a dollar an hour raise, citing her flexibility and willingness to learn new jobs, minimizing down time. To some people an extra forty dollars a week before taxes wasn't much but to Crystal it meant she could afford to pay for her therapy sessions without having to juggle the other bills or work too many hours of overtime.
And those sessions with Jenny Foster became more important as each week passed. Crystal still refused to attend the Tuesday night women's support group but she found herself more willing to talk about her feelings with her therapist. The role playing and talking about her father were still difficult, often ending up with Crystal needing to take time to get her anger, or on rare occasion her tears, under control. Even then it always meant a long night for her and Laura as Crystal would stay up late talking to her best friend about what had happened in her therapy session and how she was feeling. Laura never seemed to mind the heavy conversations, even making the point of asking about them whenever she knew Crystal had a session scheduled for that day. The two women had gotten into a habit when it came to talk, sitting on opposite ends of the couch with their feet sharing the middle cushion. It made it easier for Crystal to talk, giving her the space she needed but still close enough to get a hug when the pain was too great.
Turning onto the highway, Crystal let her thoughts drift to the relationship she and Laura shared. Since Helen's observation opened her eyes, Crystal found herself very aware of her roommate's presence and actions. There was never anything sexual or even romantic about the way Laura treated her but Crystal was aware of the affection and closeness building between them. It was the little things, she decided. A casual brush against her shoulder whenever the writer passed by, the dinner waiting for her each night, the evenings spent together on the couch watching television or sitting at the table working on the modules for the GED exam. Crystal could swear once she even felt Laura's lips brush against the top of her head during an intensely emotional chat session where she had sought the safety of the writer's embrace to release tears that otherwise refused to fall.