“Ember.” Hayden reached for me, but stopped short. “None of this is your fault. And you’re not a bad person.”
I drew in a breath, but it got stuck in my throat. “But you don’t even want to be around me anymore and no one—” I bit my lip to keep from crying. “No one wants me here.”
“That’s not true.”
Everything I felt started to boil over again. I pressed my lips together, but they still trembled.
“I’m sorry,” Hayden said. “I didn’t want to believe that it was someone in my family. I should’ve believed you.” He ran his hand through his hair, clasping the back of his neck. “When I saw you tonight and realized you were bleeding? God, it scared me. Em, I don’t like this.”
Which part didn’t he like—the arguing between us, the tension in his family, people possibly trying to skewer me in the woods… or both of us wanting something we couldn’t have? I didn’t know where that last part came from. Most of the anger drained out of me. “I don’t like this, either.”
“Then why are we doing it?” Hayden asked me, stepping forward. Less than a foot separated us and he reached out, not stopping this time. His hand circled my uninjured arm. I thought he was going to pull me to him like he had in my bedroom, and something in my chest fluttered. “Em, I don’t want to—”
“Gabe said I was needed to help Ember,” Liz called from the entrance to the kitchen. “Or are you helping her?”
I hoped he’d say that he was. That way he’d spend a little more time with me and we’d pick up where we’d left off. I’d apologize for blaming his entire family—no one else had known what Phoebe had been doing—and he’d apologize for not believing me and say everything would be okay.
Hayden dropped my arm. Those dark eyes lingered for a second and then he turned around. “No.”
My heart sank all the way to my stomach. He didn’t even look back, not once—which probably was a good thing because I was sure the disappointment I felt was written all over my face.
Chapter 23
I spent the entire next day in my room, trying to sketch, but I couldn’t commit anything to paper.
Everything I drew looked bleak and boring. By dinnertime, the floor of my bedroom was covered with crumpled balls of paper.
Mr. Cromwell insisted on family dinners. They were always awkward, but tonight, with everything that had happened, that hit an epic high. A thick tension clung to the entire table.
“Yuck.” Olivia pushed the peas around on her plate with her fork.
I sighed and wondered if blowing chunks across the table would get me excused. Olivia had been kept in the dark about last night’s events, which was the only thing Cromwell had done I could agree with. My chunky sweater covered the bandage around my arm.
“Peas are gross,” Gabe said.
“Gabriel,” Liz warned. “Peas are not gross, Olivia. They help you grow up to be big…”
I blocked her out at that point and tried to manage what I hoped would be an inconspicuous glance across the table. Except, when I did look, Hayden stared right back at me, slouched in his chair, jaw clenched. He hadn’t even touched his plate. Averting my gaze, I accidentally settled on Phoebe. Her hands clenched the edge of the table. I couldn’t believe that she still sat here, at dinner, after everything she’d done. Stupidly, a part of me felt bad for her, and I hoped someone would get her help.
Parker, as always, had his nose in a book. He hadn’t even looked up when Olivia knocked over her glass of milk when I tried to get her to not throw her peas.
I sank in my seat. This dinner couldn’t get any worse.
“Peas!” Olivia flicked a spoonful toward Gabe. In turn, Gabe threw a biscuit at her plate. She took a bite and erupted into giggles, chunks of bread falling from her mouth.
Cromwell lured Hayden into a discussion about which football teams would be playing on Thanksgiving Day while Olivia and Gabe continued their food play.
“Can we go like we did last year?” Phoebe asked Hayden. “We could leave Wednesday afternoon and stay over.”
My ears pricked up. They were talking about the parade in the city— the big one. Would Cromwell let her go after everything she’d done?
Hayden’s eyes flicked away from his plate. “I don’t know. I don’t really feel up to it this year.”
“Come on. It’ll be fun.” She pouted. “I could really get away.”
I tried to act like I wasn’t listening, but the moment I looked up, Hayden and I locked eyes. He was the first to look away.
Finally Cromwell seemed to hear what Phoebe was suggesting. “I do not believe that will be possible this year, Phoebe.”
Phoebe opened her mouth, then clamped it shut. Her gaze, full of accusation, drifted to me like I was the reason she was in trouble.
I wanted to throw my peas at her.
My stomach twisted as I poked a lump of meat around my plate, and I couldn’t sit here anymore.
Pressure built in my chest. Without looking at anyone, I pushed away from the table and headed out into the hallway. No one stopped me. I think, if anything, the stress around the table lessened. It was like I was the one who’d been doing crazy things, not Phoebe. It blew my mind.
Drawing in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, I stopped in the foyer outside one of the dark sitting rooms. No matter how many times I did this, the walls still closed in around me. Minutes ticked by. I just stood there, staring into nothing.
“Are you okay?” Hayden asked me. “Your arm?”
I closed my eyes. “Yeah, my arm is okay.”
“You didn’t eat anything.”
A snappy retort died on my lips when I faced him. He stood so close that I could smell his aftershave.
“You didn’t, either.”
Hayden shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing. You?”
“Nothing.” He nodded, then pulled his hands out of his pockets and ran one of them through his hair.
“Em?”
“Yes?”
A moment passed in silence, and then Hayden shook his head. A tight, tense smile appeared on his face. “Never mind, I’ll talk to you later.”
Then he was gone, and I stood there, wanting to cry.
“You need to stay away from him.”
Startled, I spun around. Kurt slouched against the wall, the strands of long blond hair practically obscuring his eyes. I had no idea how long he’d stood there. Obviously it’d been long enough. “Are you following me?”
“I’m not the one who’s been following you, and I think you know that.” Kurt pushed off the wall. “You need to leave Hayden alone. You’re not good for him.”
My hands balled into fists. “I’m not bothering Hayden.”
“He loses sight of everything when he’s around you.”
I frowned as I rubbed the itchy skin around my stitches. “It doesn’t seem that way.”
Kurt tipped his head slightly. “You’ve been dealt an unfair hand in life. I can see that. Everyone can see that.” He stepped forward, clasping his hands behind his back. “But so have Hayden, Gabe and the twins. And so have I. The only difference is that we’ve been able to see past all of that. You haven’t.”
I opened my mouth, but he cut me off.
“What Phoebe did was wrong, but can you blame her for wanting you to leave? What you feel must choke her. And your presence has affected Hayden since he first laid eyes on you. If you cared about anyone—your sister—you’d leave here. Leave your sister so she can have a real chance at life, and leave Hayden before he does something that all of us will regret.”