“Listen to me, Ember. I couldn’t hurt you. I can’t.” Hayden settled his eyes on me. They were softer than I’d ever seen. “I love you—I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you.” I froze. Only my chest moved as I dragged in heavy gulps of air.
“I’d convinced myself for the longest time that concern drove me to keep checking in on you. Each time I left Allentown, I told myself I wasn’t coming back. But I did. I couldn’t stay away. For two years I kept coming back. I had to make sure you were okay.” Hayden’s eyes drifted shut. “Dealing with your sister and your mom all alone, but you were so strong and so determined to make it. And the day—the day you went to the bank, I wanted so badly to talk to you—to hold you.”
My heart felt like it was breaking and swelling all at once. It left me reeling.
“I know— I know how crazy it sounds, but it’s like I came to know you. I knew you sketched when you were upset. I saw how much you loved your sister. How brave you were to keep going to that damn school. And all those times I watched you, I grew to know every one of your fake smiles. I never even heard you laugh. All I’ve ever wanted to do is help you, because maybe then, you’d smile once and really mean it.”
I shook my head, willing him to stop— just stop.
“I thought being around you would make it easier, but once I got to know you, really know you? I thought I’d loved you before.” He pressed his lips together, but he never looked away. Not once. “I had no clue. Everyone knows. My father wanted me to stay away from you, because he knew how I felt. And Kurt thinks my judgment is skewed—that I’ll lose control again.”
Had I misread the conversation I’d heard between Kurt and Liz? I’d assumed Kurt had been talking about Cromwell, but he only mentioned his name when I stopped listening. Did it matter?
“But I realized I’d never lose control, because of you—because I love you. That’s what I was trying to tell you last night, Ember. I love you.”
“Don’t,” I whispered, pleaded really. “Don’t tell me that.”
“But it’s true. It’s always been true.” His fingers flexed around my wrists, inching the sleeve down and exposing my skin.
“Hayden—”
“I’ve killed,” he said, his face constricting. “You have to know the truth, Em.”
I let out a sob. It had been him, always him.
“You can hate me forever, but it won’t change how I feel.”
His mouth came down on mine so hard, it stopped whatever I was about to say. This—this was so wrong, but when he released my wrists, I didn’t touch him like I should have. A speck of illogical trust flared alive in me. I grabbed a fistful of his wet sweater and pulled him to me.
Hayden made a low sound in his throat before his lips suddenly found mine again. His hands slipped to my hips, under my shirt. Desperately, the smart part in my brain screamed that this was wrong, but I pushed myself closer instead of away.
Then, when I thought I’d seriously lost my mind, his fingers brushed over the scar above my navel. It was a like a bucket of ice water thrown on me. I pushed—pushed hard.
“No—stop. I can’t do this.”
Hayden was breathing heavily. Although he didn’t look like he wanted to, he let go and stepped back.
“Em—”
“Don’t. I can’t do this!” I screamed, surprised by how pathetic I sounded. “You can’t love me. Do you know how twisted this sounds?”
He looked like I had physically wounded him, but it was nothing compared to what I felt.
“You need to let me leave here, Hayden. Please.”
Hayden shook his head. “You have to let me explain—”
“Explain what?” I cried. “You killed my father—you killed me, for chrissake!”
“What?” he gasped.
“I saw the papers, Hayden! I saw them. And you’ve basically admitted to it.”
His brows furrowed. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I never admitted to causing that accident because I didn’t! How could you even think that?”
God, he sounded so honest, so genuine, like the words were tearing him apart. But the evidence—the evidence was right on the floor.
I dropped to my knees and grabbed for the menu, planning to shove it his face. “This is the menu to… to—I don’t understand.” I turned the menu over.
“It’s a menu to the Smoke Hole diner. And no, I don’t know how it got there.”
“No, no, no. This wasn’t a menu to the diner!” I flipped it back and forth. “This is—was a menu to Salt of the Sea.”
“Obviously, it’s not, Ember.”
I looked up, shaking my head. Hayden’s arms were folded across his chest and he looked angry. “No.
There were dates written across the menu! The date of the accident was circled. It was in your handwriting! There were newspaper articles about my Dad, my school schedule—” I made a grab for them, only to find out that they, too, weren’t what I’d previously seen.
The article clippings were of Cromwell’s election. The schedule was council meetings. The directions were to Morgantown. “I don’t understand. This isn’t what I saw!”
“I didn’t touch those papers.”
“I know—I know you didn’t.” I dropped them and sat back. Hayden hadn’t been talking about the car crash when he’d said he’d killed people. Oh, God. He’d been talking about the fire and… and I’d yelled at him—demanded how he could’ve done that.
“Ember, what’s going on with you? Dammit, was this why you wanted to drive to school by yourself today? So you could sneak through our stuff?”
I dropped my head into my hands. None of this made sense. I know what I saw and yet, it wasn’t there.
“And still after everything, you don’t trust me. You really think that I would have ever hurt you or your family? That I could have done something like that?” He gave a harsh laugh. “Wait. What am I saying?
You read my file. You know why I was in foster care. So yeah, I guess you’d think I’d murdered your father, too.”
“No.” I moved my hands away from my face. “You didn’t murder your parents. It was an accident.
You didn’t know how to control your gift. You’re not a killer, Hayden.”
He stared down at me silently.
“I… I think I’m losing my mind. I really am.”
The anger faded from his face, replaced by concern. He crouched and gently grasped my shoulders.
“Ember, what’s going on?”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m sorry I said those things to you. I don’t know what I was thinking. I know what I saw, but it isn’t there anymore. I’m sorry—I’m sorry about what happened to your family.
It’s not your fault.”
“Forget about that. Are you feeling okay?”
I laughed, because honestly, I felt funny. My brain was processing everything wrong. I was far from being okay. Either my mind had played a horrible trick on me or I was crazy.
“Em?” He ran his fingers over my cheek. Just a simple, gentle touch and it pierced my heart. How could he ever forgive me for this? “Em, you don’t look so good.”
“I have a headache.” In fact, I’d had a headache ever since English class. “I want to leave. Can we just leave?”
Hayden stared a moment, then nodded. We stopped long enough to change into dry clothes before climbing into his SUV. He leaned forward, running his arm over the fogged windshield. “Em, did you feel anything strange before you looked at those papers?”
“No.” I stared out the window. “Just a headache, but I haven’t eaten.”
Hayden stopped at the end of the driveway. “Do you want to get something to eat, then? We can talk about what you saw.”