“The one who was to my left when they took me outside the stable,” explained Melkior in detail. “There was also Righty, the one who was to my right. They were detailed by the sergeant.”
“This clinches it. Don’t anyone tell me he’s not mad!” exclaimed Tartuffe angrily. “Why, he’s a total idiot!”
That’s right, a total idiot, approved Melkior. That’s better than a Madman even! For what’s a Madman compared to an Idiot? A mere fool, babbling gibberish and inventing nonsense. Such as that there is a people called the Buriaks or some such thing living there under his bed; boasting that he’d seen the largest hole in the world and demanding that they address him as Your Highness. Now that’s a lunatic. A boaster. A show-off. Wishing to live in grand style. Playing King Lear and Prince Hamlet. An Idiot is a refined and modest sort of fellow. Introverted and taciturn. Quiet as a snail. Says only what he knows, responds when asked, and when he doesn’t know, says nothing. And everything he says is logical. And quaint, because it’s simple; comical, because it’s innocent. Cautious and wise as a donkey, always in love, with a heart so big! Melkior showed under the blanket the size of the Idiot’s heart. There, that’s the Idiot. A distinguished gentleman amid the common folk. Even a bit of a snob. Discriminating. Isolated. Choosy as to company. Taciturn, preoccupied with his thoughts. A wistful, rarefied, refined soul — that’s the Idiot. Just take a look at the wrinkled forehead and the gaze floating above everyday things …
She had sat down on the edge of his bed. Her skirt had stretched tight across the hips and the two hemispheres, one of which was leaning on his outthrust knee. The knee, sunk in the soft warm cushion, was quietly blissful. Knee-deep in clover … He envied his knee. And in the body there sprang up an unexpected desire for Enka, the petite, naughty one … “Priapus, Priapus!” She was in a light sweat all over, the small arrogant bum, two brimming handfuls of overjoyed lust.
Enka had made him forget the thermometer. They follow us everywhere, the accursed vixen (putting it Russian style). He knocked the thermometer on the head under the blanket, three hard taps and one weak one, just in case; high fever does not come all that easily if you’re a soldier. He sneezed (this time artificially) to corroborate the thermometer’s false testimony.
“You’re teasing me, too?” she asked with a bit of natural feminine coquetry.
“Teasing you? Why?” He was afraid of the touch of the knee but dared not break it.
“Haven’t you noticed they all sneeze in here?” she asked in a conspiratorial whisper.
“Yes, I have. Why is that?” Melkior was whispering too. Our Little Secret was born.
“To tease me. My name is Acika,” she reddened, “and it reminds them of the sound ‘atchoo’ so they sneeze to it. A silly name. You sneezed because of it, too.”
“No, Acika,” he said loyally. “I’m actually not well, I’ve got a cold.”
“Please don’t use my name,” she said earnestly. “It makes me feel like you’re teasing me. I’m so embarrassed to hear my name spoken. It’s as if I were caught off guard at … that’s how I feel, if you follow me,” she was blushing bright red. “And what’s your name?”
“You know it — you took it down this morning …”
“I’m sorry, I don’t remember. I handle so many names …”
“It’s an odd one … Melkior.” She’s right, it’s not pleasant to hear your name spoken, and when you say it yourself you’re downright awkward.
“Well, that’s a nice name,” she said aloud, even with a tone of encouragement, as though it were a matter of their common interest.
“They’we alweady exchanging namth on the bed, hoo-hoo,” stage-whispered Hermaphrodite, his gut rumbling with laughter.
“What does that … character say his name is?” inquired Menjou, with dignity.
“He’s got a nice name — Melkior! Isn’t it lovely?” she spoke to them peaceably.
“Nithe. Hoo-hoo,” hooted Hermaphrodite mockingly.
“What sort of calendar of saints did your old man find you in?” said Menjou contemptuously.
“Christian,” said Melkior. “There were three kings of the Orient. Following a star they came to Bethlehem, to worship baby Jesus. One of them was called Melchior …”
“And that’th you,” mocked Hermaphrodite.
“Well, there is something royal about him, I noticed it right away,” said Tartuffe.
“My word, so there is … and you clods think it’s funny,” stated Menjou, encouraging them to laugh on.
They are laughing like warriors, beating their tom-toms around my stake. My lovable missionary Miss Acika is unable to save me. Lord, how pretty she is! — be it said in passing. Yes, pretty indeed, replies the Lord, as indifferent as a eunuch.
They’ll burn me at the stake like a heretic. They’ll cook me like the cook off the good ship Menelaus. But what’s the use of these scrawny bones, Oh brave chieftain the Great Menjou? They are a bundle of misery, covered with mangy ascetic skin! Nothing but three drops of blood inside — wouldn’t make a proper meal for a domestic flea! Spare me, Oh Great Menjou! Mercy!
“Sister Acika” (Menjou did not sneeze, joking time was over), “the thermometers are boiling in our armpits.”
She stood up (Acika surprised … on my knee, thinks Melkior) and looked at her watch: “Pipe down, it has only been five minutes. You never give me a moment’s respite, I’m on my feet all day.”
“Theuw aww other playtheth to thit,” Hermaphrodite offered her the edge of his bed.
“Thanks very much. Perhaps tomorrow.”
“Tomowow will be too late!” Hermaphro gave an offended grin, spittle spuming through his jutting wide-set teeth.
“There, there, don’t be grumpy,” she stroked his head.
“Who’th gwumpy? I’m laughing: hoo-hoo-hoo …”
“That’s better.”
She traced their temperature graphs in their lists, felt their pulses, counted the beats, in a well-practiced way, deftly, with her small, pretty hands.
Her fingers were soft and moist. She held Melkior’s arm, the hand dangling lifelessly, alongside her hip; her eyes were down on her wristwatch and she was counting off the seconds with her long black lashes. It was as if they were animated by a mute suffering (that’s how eyes prepare to shed tears, thought Melkior). He felt like touching the pain, stroking her in a brotherly empathetic way (darling!), and two of his fingers (two mellow eyes, two pure tears gliding down his loving heart) moved eagerly toward the touch. They felt the cold encounter of stiffened fabric (the consecrated armor of cold chastity). And yet there was she inside, beautiful and alive … The fingers now huddled miserably at the walls of the ivory tower and fluttered in a desperate plea … And lo, the imprisoned body responded, returning the tremor with the trembling of a frightened bird, as though two fears had touched at the border of unexpected happiness.
With a seemingly accidental movement she brushed his hand away from her hip, heaving a deep sigh and closing her eyes. An instant in which Melkior saw the devil with ATMAN’S eyes and Ugo’s fillings, a leering, mocking face: enter my kingdom, Eustachius.
She was by then slowly lowering her hand to the gray blanket, training a dimmed, distant look at his face. The face of a skin-shorn, desiccated, total idiot — those were the terms with which Melkior was now despising himself. While she, on high, above him, was a tower, solid and far too tall! What had happened to the frightened bird? … The bird had fluttered away, silent, soundless …
She entered his pulse and temperature in his list.
“Come downstairs tomorrow morning for a lung X-ray,” she said without raising her head.