Dr. Schwartz had said maman and he used to fight a lot so loud that everybody in the halls could hear it, but that was because she never would take second best about anything; and he said whatever she set up at RESEUNESPACE was going to be all right, because that was the way maman always did things.
That made her remember her maman's voice echoing out of the bedroom, right through the walls: Dammit, Ollie—And made her feel warm all over, like maman was yelling at her: Dammit, straighten up, Ari, don't give me any of that nonsense. That doesn't get anywhere with me.
Like maman was back for a second. Like she was there,inside, just then. Or anytime she wanted to think about her. She wasn't at Fargone anymore.
Ollie was. And a lot of the Disappeareds might be.
She had thought on the plane coming home—who in the House just might know a lot of things.
And who she could scare into telling her.
ix
"You're a damn fool," Yanni said, and Justin looked him in the eye and said:
"That's no news. It's all there in the memo. Probably you think I have ulterior motives—which isn't the case. Nothing against John Edwards. Nothing against anyone. I don't even know I'm right. Just—" He shrugged. It was easy to go too far with Yanni, and he had probably gone there, high and wide. Time to stage a retreat, he reckoned. Fast. "I'll go get back to mybusiness," he said. "I'll have the GY project in tomorrow morning."
"Stay put."
He sank back into the chair,under Yanni's scowl.
"You think the kid doesn't have enough stress," Yanni said.
"I don't mean that. You know I don't mean that."
"Son, Administration is just a little wrought up just now. So am I. I appreciate the fact you don't hate the kid, you really think you see something—but you know, we're all tired, we're all frayed around the edges, and I really hope you haven't gone anywhere else with this."
"No. I haven't."
"You know what I think you're doing?"
Not a rhetorical question. Yanni left a long, deathly silence for his answer.
"What, ser?"
"Sounds like your own damn craziness, to me, the same damn sink you come back to like a stone falls down,that's what it sounds like to me. Motivations and reward structures."
"I think I have a point."
"And you put it in writing." Yanni picked up the three-page memo and slid it into a slot at the edge of his desk. A red telltale flashed, and a soft hum meant even the ash had been scrambled. "That's a favor, son. I'm not supposed to wipe documents that bear on the Project. I just broke a regulation. As it happens—there are those of us who think you're right on the mark with this. And I like one of your arguments. . . if you don't mind my borrowing it for the upcoming staff meeting."
"Whatever you like. I'd just as soon you didn't mention the source."
Yanni gave him a long slow look. "Sometimes you worry me."
"I haven't got any ulterior motives. I don't wantmy name on it."
Another long look. "Motivational psych. —You haven't hadthe Rubin data. Just the structures. I told you I'd keep you off real-time. But I'd like you to do something for me, son. A favor. A real favor. I'm going to dump all Rubin's data on you. The whole pile."
"He's, what, two?"
"Not the replicate. The original."
"Why?"
"I'm not going to tell you that."
"What do you want out of it?"
"I'm not going to tell you that either."
"I get the idea."
"All right." Yanni leaned on his elbows, hands locked in front of him. "You run the problem. I'll tell you what I think about it."
"Is this an exercise?"
"I'm not going to tell you that."
"Dammit, Yanni—"
"You're right about the kid. She's smarter than those scores. You leave that in my lap. You take care of your work. I'll take care of the Project. All right?"
x
Uncle Denys took another helping of eggs. Ari picked at hers, mostly just moved them around, because breakfast upset her stomach.
"We could go out to eat tonight," uncle Denys said. "Would you like that?"
"No," she said. "I'm not hungry."
It was her ninth birthday. She just wanted to forget it was her birthday at all. She didn't want to complain about her stomach, because then uncle Denys would call Dr. Ivanov, and that would mean another shot, and her head being all fuzzy.
"Is there anything you dowant?" uncle Denys said.
I want maman,she thought, mad, mad until she felt like she could throw the dishes off the table and break everything.
But she didn't.
"Ari, I know it's a terrible time for you. There's nothing I can do. I wish there were. Is there anything you'd like to do? Is there anything you want that I can get you?"
She thought. There was no good throwing an offer like that away. If you could get something, you got it, and you might be glad later. She had figured that out a long time ago.
"There is something I want for my birthday."
"What's that, dear?"
She looked uncle Denys right in his eyes, her best wishing-look. "Horse."
Uncle Denys took in his breath, real quick. "Ari, sweet, —"
"You asked."
"I'd think a broken arm is enough. No. Absolutely not."
"I want Horse."
"Horse belongs to Reseune, Ari. You can't just ownhim."
"That's what I want, anyway."
"No."
That hurt. She shoved her plate away, and got up from the table.
"Ari, I think a broken arm ought to do, don't you?"
She felt like crying, and when she did that she went to her room. So she went that way.
"Ari," uncle Denys said, "I want to talk with you."
She looked back at him. "I don't feel good. I'm going to bed."
"Come here."
She didn't. She went to her hall and shut the door.
And went and cried like a baby, lying on her bed, till she got mad and threw Poo-thing across the room.
Then she felt like something had broken, because Poo-thing came from maman.
But he wasn't real, anyway.
She heard somebody open the hall door, and then they opened hers. She figured it was uncle Denys, and she turned over and scowled; but it was Catlin and Florian, come to see what was the matter with her.
"Ser Denys wants you," Florian said in a hushed voice.
"Tell him go to hell."
Florian looked distressed. But he would go do that and he would get in a lot of trouble for her, she knew he would.
"Yes, sera."
"No," she said, and wiped her eyes and got up. "I will." She wiped her eyes again and walked past him and Catlin, and went out to the living room.
It was a mistake to walk out on uncle Denys. When she did that, she let him Work her,and now she was having to walk back into the living room he owned and be nice.
Stupid, stupid,she told herself, and unraveled her mad and got a nicer expression on her face when she went to uncle Denys. Denys was in the dining room having his coffee and he pretended not to notice her for a second.
That was Working, too.
"I'm sorry, uncle Denys."
He looked at her then, took a quick sip of coffee, and said: "I did have a surprise planned for you today," he said. "Do you want some more orange juice?"
She moped over to the chair and climbed into it, hugging her cast with her good hand. "Florian and Catlin too," she said.
"Seely," uncle Denys said. And Seely came and got two more glasses and poured orange juice as Florian and Catlin quietly settled down across the table.