“Yeah,” I replied. “I still hate it, but knowin’ there is a plan in place, and that she’s not stuck in limbo is kind of reassurin’.”
“I’m glad.” Bronagh sipped her tea. “I’m goin’ to drop by tomorrow and see ’er. I haven’t stopped in for a cuppa in a while.”
“She’d love that, and honestly, so would I,” I admitted. “I start a new project tomorrow, and knowin’ you’ll see ’er for a bit will relax me a little. I feel so protective of ’er. I constantly want to be around ’er or talk to ’er.”
“She’ll be fine,” Bronagh said. “Normalcy is what she needs. If you’re hangin’ out with ’er every day, it’ll probably make ’er feel like she is disruptin’ things.”
I frowned. “She isn’t, though.”
“You know your ma,” Bronagh continued. “She doesn’t like to burden anyone, even when she most definitely isn’t a burden. All I’m sayin’ is try to keep things normal for ’er. I know it’ll be hard but try to rein it in just a little. She doesn’t see you every single day, but now you’re tryin’ to see ’er as much as you can. D’ye understand what I mean?”
“Yeah,” I grumbled. “I’m bein’ overbearin’.”
“You’re a worried daughter,” Bronagh corrected, “and your ma gets that. Everyone gets that, and no one is sayin’ it’s a bad thing because it’s not. I just think that makin’ you aware of how your sudden change in routine will probably appear to her will be helpful to you.”
“Thanks,” I said with a nod. “I didn’t realise it before, but whenever I talk to ’er now or stop by, she’s constantly assurin’ me that she is okay. I don’t want ’er to become tiresome constantly tellin’ me that ’cause it means that ’er cancer is always the centre of attention. She knows she has cancer, and she doesn’t need anyone else remindin’ ’er of that.”
“Exactly,” Bronagh said, exhaling a breath. “I was worried I might offend you.”
“Never,” I said. “You’re me best mate. Tellin’ me shite that no one wants to is your job.”
Bronagh grinned. “And since you’re my best mate, your job is to dish on everythin’ about you and Damien, and I mean everythin’!”
I felt the tip of my ears burn, and Bronagh squealed and wiggled in her seat.
“This is gonna be good!”
“You’re crazy.”
“Everyone knows that,” she said. “Now, get talkin’.”
“Right,” I began, “so, so much has happened since I spoke to you last night. After I found Barbara—”
“I still can’t believe you named the cat Barbara.”
I raised a brow. “You got a problem with ’er name?”
“Nope,” Bronagh answered with a smile plastered on her face. “It’s fantastic.”
My lips twitched.
“Anyway,” I continued, “last night, Damien brought by all the stuff Alec got for Barbara, and we had that talk, and Bronagh, it was so … relievin’. We spoke about everythin’ that happened between us. I apologised—”
“You apologised?” Bronagh cut me off, her eyes wide.
I nodded. “I admitted that I was the one to seduce him, so holdin’ a grudge over what he told me would happen and eventually did happen seemed pointless. Well, it seems pointless now, but at the time, pretendin’ I hated Damien sort of helped me push ’im away, ye’know?”
Bronagh stared at me, unblinking.
“What?” I frowned. “Why’re you lookin’ at me like that?”
“I’ve been tellin’ you for years that—”
“I know.” I cut her off before she launched into an “I told you so” speech. “I know, you’ve been the voice of reason, all of you have, but I was too stubborn to listen or to admit that what happened wasn’t just down to Damien. Trust me when I say I know I’ve been completely unreasonable when it came to ’im, but you have to understand, it was completely out of fear.”
“Fear of what?”
“Fear of possibly bein’ with ’im and things goin’ tits up.”
“And you aren’t scared of that anymore?”
I almost choked on air.
“Are you jokin’? I’m terrified, but I want to be brave, like Damien says I am. Me ma even said to me that not tryin’ somethin’ because you’re scared of the outcome is a shitty way to live. I know it’s a coward’s way to live a life, and I don’t want to live like that, so I bit the bullet and laid everythin’ out to Damien, and it resulted in us becomin’ boyfriend and girlfriend. We don’t want to play games; we want to be together, so we are.”
Bronagh clapped her hands together.
“I’m so happy about this,” she gushed. “You have seriously no idea.”
“Me too.” I smiled. “Now that I’m not forcin’ meself to focus on pushin’ ’im away, I’m goin’ through the stages of fancyin’ ‘im all over again. I miss ’im even though I just saw ’im, I smile when I think of ’im, I can’t wait to be near ’im again. I just … it feels like everythin’ that happened before between us made me realise just how deeply I care about ‘im now that we’re on the same page.”
“That’s deep.”
“I can’t quite believe it’s real, though. Like, I can kiss ’im whenever I want.”
“Have you kissed ’im?”
I looked away from my friend, and she reached over and slapped my hand, resulting in me hissing at her like a cat and cradling my now stinging hand against my chest.
“What was that for?”
“Don’t you dare get embarrassed,” she warned. “We talk about my sex life all the time. I wanna hear about yours.”
“You talk about your sex life. I just listen.”
Bronagh narrowed her eyes at me, so I held my hands up in surrender.
“Okay, okay. Down girl.”
I was about to launch into a play by play of what went down between Damien and me when Bronagh raised a finger.
“Before you say anythin’, I want to ask you a question that has been botherin’ me.”
“Shoot.”
“Do you remember when we all took pregnancy tests before we found out Aideen was pregnant with Jax? We weren’t sure who it was that could be up the duff. You said, and I quote, ‘there’s been no tick in me clock for six months, so it’s not me who’s pregnant’ … was that a lie?”
“Obviously.” I snorted. “I didn’t want you to know how pathetic I was for only havin’ sex that one time with Damien.”
“I’d have never thought that, and ye’know it.”
“I know.” I sighed. “I was just embarrassed. I mean, apart from sex a few times with Dante and that one time with Damien, I’ve no experience. Not like you or the girls, anyway.”
“Alannah, that doesn’t mean anythin’,” Bronagh said with a frown. “It took me at least a year of sex with Dominic before I became confident enough to know what I was doin’. He had to teach me everythin’. He literally had to tell me how to give ’im a blowjob because I was worried I’d mess it up.”
“You see, that freaks me out, because I’m inexperienced like that right now, and Damien has boatloads of experience.”
“Damien also hasn’t had sex in six years, so your lad is bound to be rusty.”
My cheeks heat. “Not accordin’ to what he did to me last night.”
Bronagh leaned in, her eyes gleaming.
“What’d he do?”
“He … went down on me.”
Bronagh rested her palms under her chin. “And?”
“And what?”
“Ye’know bloody well what, how was it?”
I gnawed on my inner cheek before I said, “I think mind-blowin’ is the perfect word.”