'Now all I want to do is tell people. It happens all the time-drunks who kill people and get off lightly. I never understood before-it's got to be stopped. People have got to be told. And you can tell them. Your show…'
Lee was wrung with pity for her, especially as she knew Daniel had already covered a similar theme recently on the show, and that his producer wouldn't look at it again for a long time. She wondered how he would manage to break the truth to her.
Then she realised that the old lady had gone back to the beginning and was telling the story again. Daniel showed no sign of impatience but sat with his hand enfolding hers, watching her with eyes that were gentle. Even when everything was repeated a third time his perfect kindness and courtesy never failed him.
'Look,' he said at last, bringing a notebook from his pocket, 'give me your phone number. I've already used this subject on the show, and it'll be a while before I can touch it again on television, but I can write about it. I'll call you in a few days and we can have a proper talk then.'
'Oh, thank you. You're so kind.'
'I wish I could do more,' he said.
'But you've helped so much-just listening to me. It's the only thing I can do for Freddy, you see, tell his story.'
Daniel hailed a waiter and ordered three coffees. 'I'll just be a moment,' he said, rising. 'I want to pay the bill so that we can leave early.'
He hurried out to Reception, leaving Lee alone with Mrs Hallam.
'I'm afraid I've rambled on rather," the old lady confided. 'But I can't help brooding about it, especially just now, because next week would have been our wedding anniversary. We would have been married fifty-one years.'
'Oh, no!' Lee exclaimed. 'You mean he died just before, your Golden Wedding?'
'Yes. You know, nobody expected our marriage to be a success-we were so different. But I think that was why it worked so well. Where one was foolish, the other was wise, and so we helped each other.
'It was the night before our Golden Wedding and I had a big surprise planned for him. He kept trying to find out. I told him to go out to the pub and stop trying to peek. I even got a little cross with him because I was afraid the surprise would be spoiled. So he went out that night and-and he didn't come back. He never got to see the surprise at all.'
Lee could only look at her in sympathy, her own eyes filled with tears.
'I'll always regret it,' Mrs Hallam said simply. 'I was so busy worrying about tomorrow that I neglected today. Now I know that today is all we're ever sure of. But it's too late. Perhaps everyone learns that too late.'
In the distance they could see Daniel returning. Mrs Hallam blew her nose and forced herself to speak brightly. 'I was really nervous about approaching him. He seems very pleasant on television, only you wonder what people are like when the cameras are off. But he really is a nice man, isn't he?'
'Yes,' Lee agreed quietly. 'He really is a nice man.'
Lee thought she was sure to fall asleep at once, but despite her tiredness she lay awake for hours that night. Mrs Hallam's words tormented her: 'I was so busy worrying about tomorrow that I neglected today… today is all we're ever sure of…everyone learns that too late.'
She'd refused to commit herself to her love, asking for some kind of guarantee for the future before she did so. But there were no guarantees. There were only risks. But it was love that gave you the courage to take those risks.
She loved Daniel. That was the only certainty. But she'd allowed fear to overcome her, as though fear were more important than love. And because her courage had failed she hadn't been the woman Daniel needed in his hour of crisis.
Brenda had said, 'I hope you marry Phoebe's father soon. You'll be a steadying influence on her.'
Daniel had sometimes blamed her unjustly, but he'd never thrown at her the accusation she now threw at herself: if she'd married him when he'd first asked she could have steered him clear of this disaster. She would have been living with him and Phoebe these last few weeks and then, she was sure, things would never have come to this pass.
He'd begged her to be his wife, out of love but also out of need. Some instinct had told him that she was the woman who could guide him away from the pitfalls. But she'd abandoned him in his need, leaving him to make mistake after mistake, with no one to help him.
Mrs Hallam had known the secret. 'Where one was foolish, the other was wise, and so we helped each other.' It was so simple really.
At last Lee rose, slipped on her dressing gown and went out into the corridor. His room was next to hers. She paused outside his door, her hand uplifted to knock, but after a moment she went in without knocking. She knew he wouldn't be asleep.
He was sitting at the window. He turned as she entered and watched her cautiously, never taking his eyes from her as she approached.
'I came because I had something to tell you,' she said. She stopped. Her heart was beating too fast.
She'd meant to speak the thoughts that had troubled her, perhaps say that she was sorry. But the misery on his face wiped everything else out. What she had to say was far more simple.
'I love you,' she said, and felt his arms go about her in a passion of thankfulness.
For a long time they held each other tightly, in silence. There was nothing more to say. His head found its place against her breast, where she cradled it tenderly. He was hers, for good or ill. He wasn't perfect, but neither was she. And he loved her with a commitment and honesty that Jimmy Meredith would never have understood.
She spared one final, fleeting thought for Jimmy, the malign presence who had almost ruined her life. Then she banished him for ever.
'Come, my love,' she whispered, taking Daniel's hand and leading him to the bed. It was here they would find each other again.
She'd made love to Daniel many times with passion, but tonight her overwhelming emotion was a desire to protect him. She hadn't known before that he needed protecting, but she knew it now, and with every caress, every whispered word, she let him know that she was his, in any way that he needed her.
She, too, sought reassurance in their loving. She wanted to know that after all the bitterness that had passed between them he was still hers, and the promise was given back to her a thousandfold. Once before they'd clung to each other, shocked by their first quarrel. But this wasn't like that time. Then they'd tried to hide from the knowledge of their differences. Now those differences had translated into mutual need, and they were the stronger for it.
They loved each other deeply, intimately. The moonlight coming through the window lit their faces and the smiles of thankfulness that they shared. When at last they nestled against each other he held her tight, as if he would never let her go.
'I know the truth about myself now,' he said sombrely. 'And it isn't pleasant.'
'Daniel-don't.'
'I'm a bully, aren't I?'
'No. It's not like that.'
'I'm a bully and I drove Phoebe away. If she makes a mess of her life it will be my fault. Help me, Lee.'
'Always, darling.'
'Don't go away again where I can't find you.'
'I'll never leave you now.'
'Then perhaps there's hope for me.'
'Go to sleep,' she whispered. 'We have to be up early.'
He was asleep before she'd finished speaking, as though he now had all he needed. His head was heavy against her breast and she stroked his hair lovingly. Whatever tomorrow might bring they had found each other again, and this time she was determined that nothing should drive them apart. Her eyes began to grow heavy as she listened to the soft rhythm of his breathing. Peace. Love. All was well.
CHAPTER TWELVE