He is an architect and currently works for a large firm. He has married a young Russian girl who was studying at the University here where he was a teacher. He is a great zealot of Orthodoxy and he and Efim found they had much common ground. Another parishioner, the only one who knows the service properly and sings well, which means he acts not just as regent but as the entire choir, is a Leningrad doctor, Andrey Yosifovich. He has a large family of four or five children. Efim brought him to see me and he gave me some homoeopathic medicines which seem to help a little.
So that is our handful of Orthodox worshippers, all of them people with problems, both moral and material. Our own situation has not improved either, in fact it has become worse. Efim is no longer receiving benefits, and only receives irregular payments from the Patriarchate, which doesn’t pay salaries but unpredictably gives money “for expenses.” Everything is in the hands of Nikolai Ivanovich whom I have already mentioned, not of the archimandrite as you might expect. Nikolai Ivanovich’s job in the patriarchate is as a driver!
From time to time I feel so nauseated, and this kind of heat will continue for at least three months. How am I going to live through it? It will be hot afterward too, but not to such an intolerable degree.
Yesterday I had a strange and very unpleasant dream. It was as if my belly opened like a flower, the petals separated, and out flew a dragon. It was a very handsome dragon with colorful silky wings shot with a green and pink sheen. It flew up into the sky and somersaulted beautifully and I realized it was not simply flying but writing something in the air with its long body. Then I noticed I had a string in my hand which was guiding it and it was actually me who was doing the writing by directing its flight. What I was writing, however, I could not tell but I knew it was something important and if I tried hard enough I would understand. It was frightening. I told Efim about the dream. He was surprised and anxious because he has come to see all my dreams and visions as temptations or mental illness. He said he had dreamed something similar but had been so confused he decided not to tell me about it. Now he told me he dreamed his belly split into quarters and a large colorful bubble came out, like a soap bubble but more solid. It, too, broke away from him and floated up into the sky. It’s the same dream don’t you think?
1984, Be’er Sheva
F
ROM A LETTER FROM
T
ERESA TO
V
ALENTINA
F
ERDINANDOVNA
Andrey Yosifovich came, examined me again and asked when I had my last period. I could not remember. I have been feeling so ill all this time and have become so thin that I had somehow managed to forget. It was certainly two months ago or more. Andrey Yosifovich told me to go and see a gynecologist. Valechka, I have never been to a gynecologist in my life! A few months ago on your recommendation, Efim and I went to a sexologist, but I could not allow him to give me a medical examination. I felt I would prefer to die. The sexologist did not insist and said that this negative reaction was natural given my anomaly. He gave us a set of exercises which we performed and the problem resolved itself, but the idea of going to a gynecologist for an examination simply horrified me
I told Andrey Yosifovich about this and then he said he thought I was pregnant. I wept with fear for 24 hours and then went to see the doctor. Dear Valentina, it has been confirmed. The doctor, fortunately, was a woman. Hearing that I am 42 and that this is my first pregnancy, she wrote me a letter to a specialist clinic where I will be given some unusual genetic analysis and something else which I did not understand.
When I told Efim about it he said nothing for two days, then told me he felt exactly like Zacharias. He felt an inner need to be silent because he was afraid that if he spoke he might frighten the miracle away. I understand him.
I ask for your prayers, dear Valentina Ferdinandovna. Do not be worried if you do not get any letters from me for a time.
2. February, 1985, Be’er Sheva
T
ELEGRAM FROM
E
FIM
D
OVITAS TO
V
ALENTINA
F
ERDINANDOVNA
MARVELOUS BOY BORN WEIGHT 2350 HEIGHT 46 CM EFIM
3. March 1985, Be’er Sheva
L
ETTER FROM
T
ERESA TO
V
ALENTINA
F
ERDINANDOVNA
Dear Valentina,
The baby and I have left hospital. He is tiny and very pretty. We are completely happy. We have called him Itzhak. What else could we have called a child given to us at such a late age and under such circumstances? We feel what has happened is a miracle from God. The little boy is not quite right, he has Down’s syndrome, as we were warned in the middle of pregnancy. Because of that they offered to give us a termination but we refused without hesitation. Now he is with us, our baby boy. He is very calm, very sweet, with little oriental eyes. He looks Japanese. He is not good at sucking, but I have a lot of milk and I am constantly expressing it because he can’t suck at the breast yet. I feed him with my milk but from a bottle.
It is an amazing feeling having three of us. Efim decided to have him circumcised before the christening. He invited a rabbi he knows who brought a specialist with a stone knife, as in ancient times. I was terribly afraid, but everything went well without complications, and when the little wound healed the baby was christened in our church. Daniel christened him. After all, our son was born with his blessing! Daniel came to us with a pile of presents, and even brought a pram. He held Itzhak in his arms all the time, cuddling him, and I have never seen an elderly person melt like that at the sight of a baby. Perhaps it was because our little boy really is terribly sweet. That same day they christened Andrey Yosifovich’s daughter too. She is their fifth child and was born three days after ours. We invited Andrey Yosifovich to be his godfather. By comparison with our little boy his daughter is simply huge, a veritable Brünnhilde, but her parents are also very large.
The weather is beautiful now, the short spring is not over and the heat has not yet begun. One of my new friends has invited me to move for the summer and stay with her near Tel Aviv. It is not so hot by the sea, but we decided not to be separated when there is no great necessity. Efim borrowed some money from the bank and bought an air conditioner. It uses a lot of electricity but we will manage somehow. The main thing for us is not to be parted. Itzhak is entitled to a separate benefit, and that will help us to pay off the air conditioner. We enjoy every minute. The baby has given new meaning to our lives. It is just over a month since he was born and we can’t imagine how we managed to live without him. I will write.
Love from
Teresa.
Oh, I forgot to tell you that Mother Ioanna has painted an icon for little Itzhak, “Akeidah,” the sacrifice of Isaac. A baby is lying on the altar, Abraham is standing with a knife in his hands, and the quiet smiling face of a ram with curving spiral horns is peeping out of the bushes. When I look at this icon it brings tears to my eyes. Can you imagine, Mother Ioanna came to the christening with this icon, in her monastery’s car, and, incidentally, left some money in an envelope, the exact cost of the air conditioner. I keep going on about miracles.
PS. I forgot to say that Father Mikhail’s book has been published, under a pseudonym of course, and Efim has been sent reviews of it. The best is from a Russian émigré newspaper. The worst is also from the Russian émigré community. Efim made a photocopy which I will put in the envelope. I hope it reaches you. There have been no comments about it from Russia. I suspect the book simply has not made it there.