«And we are holding one this night,» Desari pointed out. «A unique reunion with all Carpathians welcome to participate, celebrating strengthening our friendship with each other as well as our human friends. We have not done so in centuries. It sends a message to our people that we are once again united, and a message to our enemies that we are strong together, and will continue to grow stronger. It is a start, don't you think? You have given us that gift, Mikhail.»
A small smile teased at the curve of the prince's mouth. «Raven has given us that gift. Carpathians never celebrated Christmas before, but she used this time of year as an excuse to bring us all together. I thought she was wrong-but I see that I was.»
«We have the chance to get to know one another,» Desari said. «My family, well, not the Daratrazanoffs or my lifemate Julian, I mean our band-the Dark Troubadours-was not raised with other Carpathians, and this is truly a unique opportunity for us. We didn't even use the same common mental path as all of the rest of the Carpathians.»
«Your brother, Darius, is truly a miracle worker in that he kept so many young children alive when he was merely a babe himself. Shea and Gregori wanted to meet with him to discuss the various herbs and plants he used to keep so many of you alive.»
Desari nodded. «All three of them have been together until the early morning hours since we've arrived. I think it is only today that the others have taken a break from research to cook. I heard Shea was not feeling very well. She must be so frightened to be having a baby when our infant-mortality rate is so high.»
She flicked a quick glance at Julian, who tried to catch her eye, but she refused to meet his gaze. Julian reached out his hand and took hers, bringing her palm to his heart. If you choose not to get pregnant this night, so be it, Desari. I would never take away your choice.
Desari turned her head away from the prince, blinking back tears, rubbing her cheek along Julian's shoulder as she did so. I do not know if this year is special or if returning to our homeland has caused a leap in fertility, but many of the women have said they can get pregnant, though few wish to try.
Desari, we will have children when you are ready. If the miracle happens, and I believe it will, it is meant to be. If not… Julian shrugged his shoulders and sent her a wealth of love and reassurance. So be it. He was not a man to follow the path of others. If Desari didn't want to chance the heartbreak of losing children, he was not going to take her to task, or point out her duty to their people.
Desari smiled at him. She knew he would never pressure her, and she loved him all the more for his patience-for his complete faith in her.
«Julian, I ask again that you reach out to Dimitri,» Mikhail said. «I am on my way to speak with Darius. I wish to question him more on how he kept you all alive.»
Julian nodded in agreement, and watched as Mikhail shimmered into transparency and streamed upward through the snow toward the house Darius had chosen to stay in. He dropped his arm around Desari's shoulders, sweeping her long hair away from her neck. «We are actually alone.»
A slow smile teased the curve of her mouth. «Really?» She quirked an eyebrow at him. «We may be alone, but since you ruined my contribution to tonights feast, I have to cook. Or better yet, you should do the cooking.»
His golden eyes gleamed at her. «I would very much like to oblige.» He swept her into his arms, tossing her over his shoulder as if she weighed no more than a feather, and sprinted for the house.
«Julian! You savage!» She gripped him around the waist as he vaulted over the railing and kicked open the front door. «Stop being a caveman.»
«Ha ha ha.» He brought his hand down on her squirming bottom as he strode through the house toward the bedroom. «As I recall, technically you are a Savage as well.»
She laughed and deliberately wrapped her arms around his waist, fingers sliding over the front of his jeans in a stroking caress. The action distracted him immediately so that he nearly stumbled, losing his long strides. Desari took the opportunity to dissolve, leaving him holding empty air as she streamed through the house, a comet of flashing colors. Her soft laughter teased his senses, while her fingers seemed to brush over his face and down his chest.
«That's not nice, Desari,» Julian objected, following the prism of colors at a more leisurely pace. «And definitely unfair.»
Back off big boy, she warned, trying to give the impression of a snarl, but instead it came out laughter. Can I help it if you re so susceptible to a little accidental touching?
«Accidental? I think not.» He raised his hands and wove a complicated pattern in the air. The streaming colors collided with a solid net, and immediately Desari's natural form landed on the floor. She sat at his feet laughing, blinking up at him, her dark hair spilling all around her making her look more alluring than ever.
Julian's heart clenched in his chest. The sensation was so strong that he pressed his palm over his aching heart, drawing in a deep breath. «Every single night I wake up thinking I cannot possibly love you more, Desari. And every single night, when you awaken and look at me, the love I have for you grows stronger-so much so that sometimes I think I cannot contain it.»
The bright laughter faded as she extended her hand to him, allowing him to pull her up, to pull her into the shelter of his arms. She framed his face with her hands. She was tall, but he was taller, forcing her to look up in order to meet his burning gaze. His eyes had gone
from amber to burnished gold, the hunger there taking her breath away. «You are my beloved, Julian, always my beloved.»
«I hold you like this, safe in my arms, your body fitting so perfectly into mine.» He turned his head away, ashamed of the welling emotion he could never control in spite of all his centuries of discipline. «And you sing to me as we lie together and there is no other peace in the world like the peace you bring to me.»
She took a deep breath, love shaking her with its strength. «Do you want a child, Julian? Do you want to try when we know the heartache that most likely lies ahead for us? Are you willing to take a chance that the greatest sorrow-losing our son or daughter-will take from us what we have?» She had to know the truth before making a decision. There was a part of her that wanted a child, a boy with bright blond hair and gold for eyes-a child who would play pranks on her and tease her, reminding her all too much of the man who was her other half. But the price was so high. So very high.
«Is that what you think, Desari? That if we lost our child, we would lose what we have between us?» He shook his head. «Never. It is impossible.»
«Our love is so strong, Julian, the emotions we feel so intense, the sorrow of losing a child would be devastating.» The lump in her throat threatened to choke her.
«Any parent knows losing a child is devastating,» he replied gently. «The sorrow would be great, yes, but if you're asking me would the risk of that sorrow be worth the chance of having a son or daughter with your eyes and your smile-then I have to say it would be worth it to me. But the decision is yours to make. You are enough for my happiness. A child is a miracle, but I will always survive as long as I have you.»
«I'm not a coward, Julian,» Desari said, her fingers tangling in his hair. She rested her body against his, laying her head over his heart, listening to the steady rhythm. «I'm not hesitating because I'm a coward.»
He stroked a caress down the length of shining black hair. «I could never, for one moment, think of you as a coward, honey. We will have a child when we're ready, not one second before. I have done my duty for my people-a thousand times over-and I will not have a child out of duty. Our child will be conceived in love and wanted more than any other by both of us.»