«No, I like that you re Carpathian, Colby, it's kind of cool.» Paul raked a hand through
his hair. «And I love where we live and Dad's brothers, but if this man, Gary Jansen, is related in any way to mom, I want to know him. And I want to know why we were never in his life.»
«Have you asked around about him?»
Paul nodded. «Rafael told me his name and said that he's friends with Gregori. Apparently, he does a lot of research. You're older than me. Do you remember Mom ever talking about her family? Did you meet any of them?»
Colby shoved both hands through her thick mass of hair in agitation. «I remember a little bit, Paul, and none of it was good.» It was painful to remember the past, and even though Colby had thought those days of feeling inadequate were gone forever, finding out that Razvan was her father had made them all come back.
«In what way?» Paul persisted.
Rafael appeared beside Colby, tall and strong; his face could have been carved from a statue, finely chiseled with great care around his sensual mouth. Every evening when she woke, when she saw him like this-a warrior, her lover-she always felt such a rush of emotion, almost overwhelming. Rafael looked at the world with ice-cold eyes and at her with hunger and love. For a woman who never quite fit in anywhere, it seemed a miracle. His arms now circled her, pulling her right up out of the chair, his larger frame nearly completely engulfing hers as he tucked her into the shelter of his body.
I do not like these thoughts. You did nothing wrong as a child. It is best not to think of these things when it brings you so much pain.
Paul has a right to know certain things.
About her. About her father. About their mother. She laid her head against Rafael's chest. It was all so complicated, and her background was rather humiliating. She didn't want Paul to be ashamed.
She had been the one to insist on coming to the Carpathian Mountains for the big celebration. She thought it was important to get to know other Carpathians and be just a little more social. The ranch in South America was isolated, enormous, and the De La Cruz brothers were treated like royalty-feared, but still given far too much deference. Colby thought it would be good to remind them they weren't the only ones in the world with gifts and duties. Now old wounds were being torn open on the very night when she had hoped to solidify their place in a community. She had to delve into the past and tell Paul the truth about their mother's family.
Rafael hissed his displeasure in her ear. «You do not need to prove to anyone that you are worthy of belonging. You belong with me.»
«I know.» She rubbed her face against his chest. «I just want Paul and Ginny to feel they
belong.»
Rafael caught her chin and lifted her face to his. «They have always had a sense of belonging. With you. You provided for them when no one else would, gave them a home and love and security. Few could have done what you did at such a young age.»
Paul came around the table and put his arms around both of them. «Colby, did I upset you with my questions? I'm not looking for another family. I love the one I have. I don't understand what's wrong with you, but you've been acting upset and restless for the last hour. I've been afraid to leave you alone for too long.» He looked at Rafael for confirmation.
Colby took a deep breath and pressed her hands against her churning stomach. «Everyone has secrets, Paul. I never wanted you to feel different. I've watched you and Ginny for any signs of being unusual-especially you-but you both seem to be very normal, without psychic gifts and without any ability to shapeshift.» Her fingers clung to Rafael's shirt.
He brought up one hand to the nape of her neck, strong fingers easing the tension out of her. «I always thought shapeshifting was normal,» he said.
«Well, it's not for us,» Colby said. She was near tears. Paul had so much to contend with. He was a young teenage boy, yet he had worked a ranch nearly all of his life, hard, backbreaking work. They'd lost their mother and eventually Paul and Ginny's father to an accident, and the three alone had kept the ranch going.
«I started showing signs of psychic ability very early. I could sense dangerous things, especially if I was upset,» Colby confessed in a little rush. «Mom admitted to me that my father was 'different.' That's all she said at first. But then later, when I was about thirteen, she told me she was 'different' too. And that we had to be very careful. We could never let anyone see the things we could do and that I always had to watch you, Paul, to make certain that you didn't behave irresponsibly.»
«What does that mean?» Paul demanded with a small frown.
Colby took a deep breath. «It means we carry jaguar blood. Our family, hundreds of years ago, were shapeshifters. The men didn't stay with the women and eventually the species began to die out. There are very few who can actually shift into their cat form now, but many people carry the genetics. Some of the men still able to shift have been hunting for women to keep the line as pure as possible. They aren't very nice men.»
«And Mom thought I might be one of these guys?» Paul was clearly offended. «I respect women. I'm always respectful.»
«I didn't mean it like that. I'm not saying this very well. Mom wasn't married to my father when she had me. Your father's family didn't want anything to do with her-or me– because of that.» She broke off abruptly.
Rafael took over. «Colby has never felt accepted in any world, Paul, and she didn't want that for you. Neither did your mother. Your mother hid her differences, and Colby did the same.» He gestured around him. «Here, being atypical is normal.»
«Do you really think anyone feels normal?» Paul asked. «I didn't know all this-that I have jaguar blood-although that could be cool especially now, but look at Josef. He's a Carpathian, can shapeshift and do all sorts of neat things. He's brilliant. You should see the things he can do on a computer, and he's a math whiz. He just is kind of nerdy around people. He doesn't feel good about himself at all. He knows the adults don't like him and he feels uncomfortable around all of us teenagers. Skyler is beautiful, but she's uncomfortable too. Ginny and I are the only 'normal' ones and we should be the outsiders.»
«Sometimes you're brilliant, Paul,» Colby exclaimed.
«I think it doesn't matter much about what we are or where we came from, Colby,» Paul replied. «I think we all feel uncomfortable when we're young.»
«I didn't,» Rafael said.
Colby smacked his chest. «You're so arrogant.»
«I don't think he was actually ever young,» Paul said. «I'm not even sure anyone gave birth to him. They found him under a rock.»
Rafael caught Paul around the neck and pretended to strangle him. Colby watched the two of them laughing together and found the tension ebbing away.
You did a great job raising this boy, Rafael told her.
She nodded. He's wonderful.
«So do you think most of the psychics are descendents of shapeshifters?» Paul asked. «I could do some research on that. I'll bet Josef would help me.»
Rafael shrugged. «It is possible-even probable-but any time you do research, you leave a trail for someone else to follow. We are most careful of tracks leading to the discovery of our species. And you're making me feel guilty over this Josef boy.»