His fist hit the water hard, sending a geyser shooting into the air. It brought her attention back to him. He felt her in his mind before he could censor his thoughts.
“Not just to entertain, Julian. For myself, for my family. For Darius. He needs to keep busy. There has been such a change in him over the centuries. I cannot take the chance of quitting now, when he needs me the most. I told you I felt that way.”
Julian had already told her they would stay with her family so she would not have to worry about Darius. “I am not changing my mind,
piccola.
I am simply considering what a pushover I have been with you. You could help me out a bit by learning what obedience is all about.” In truth he was ashamed of himself for putting her in danger, for not being man enough to leave her. Was it not a matter of honor? He had lived for honor, yet now, when it counted most...
Desari’s soft laughter added to the beauty of the night. “I would not hold my breath if I were you. This will be good for you, learning to deal with my family, interacting with the human race. It will improve your social skills significantly.”
“You are saying my social skills need improvement?” There was a threat in his voice, and he began swimming toward her, his body gliding silently through the water like a shark, like the predator he was.
Desari splashed water at his face and dove deep to escape the arm snaking out for her. She felt his fingers brush her ankle. She kicked strongly, hoping to put distance between them before she surfaced. But the laughter welling up was making it difficult to hold her breath beneath the water, and she was forced to head for the top. At once strong arms captured her.
“I can always find you,
cara mia,
” Julian reminded her, his mouth warm against her neck. “You cannot escape me.”
“Do not count too heavily on that,” Desari told him sweetly, and very innocently she began to sing.
Julian was enthralled by the notes skipping across the water, little silvery notes like leaping fish. He stared, intrigued by the display of power. Did all Carpathian women have special gifts? The few women he had known were far too young by Carpathian standards to have learned the more difficult skills. The notes rose into the air, silver slivers that danced and swayed as if alive. He felt peace stealing into him, surrounding him, so that his body relaxed and for a moment his mind refused to function beyond drinking in the soothing, peaceful lapping of the water and the purity of her voice. He had never known such peace, not since he was a child.
Julian deliberately ducked beneath the water to clear his head. He was furious with himself. Once again, he was so intrigued with everything about Desari, he had allowed himself to become distracted by the vivid new colors and the overwhelming emotions crowding in. It was much like being reborn. But he needed to be always alert, even when he thought they were alone. He could never forget they were hunted. She was hunted. His lifemate. Desari.
“Julian?” Desari swam back to him, her arms curling lovingly around his neck. “What is wrong?” She was scanning the skies, the area all around them. His stillness, the glittering gold of his eyes, made her shiver.
“You distract me too much,
cara mia.
I cannot forget what is most important. That is, above all else, your safety. I will not allow you to be placed in danger again.”
His voice was quiet, that soft, black-velvet voice that was menace personified. Desari could see that he meant what he said. She had been playing with him, teasing him, and just like that, he turned it into a lesson. She didn’t answer him, simply dropped her arms, her dark eyes mirroring her hurt right before she closed off her mind to him and swam away.
She had been teasing him, she admitted. But what was wrong with having a little fun? She sensed his inner turmoil, felt how difficult having feelings was on him. He was experiencing everything anew, from sexual need to jealousy, from fear for her to frustration with her antics. And that strange shadowing he was so reluctant to share with her. She had used her voice to provide a concert for him alone, sharing with him her special gift. It had been from her heart, something she never did for another being. Was she so wrong to want to tease him, to soothe him? She was his lifemate and had the same need to care for him as he did for her.
Desari’s movements were smooth and graceful as she swam away from him, but Julian was not deceived. Hurt was radiating from her as bright as any sun. He let out his breath with a soft sigh. He had much to learn as a lifemate. He knew the things necessary to ensure her safety and health, yet what seemed so simple a task was not nearly so easy to put into practice as it was in theory.
“I hurt you again, Desari. This seems to be a pattern I do not like in myself, I have seen other males in similar dilemmas, yet I thought them fools not to impose their wills on their women. In truth, it was me who was so clearly the fool. I have much to learn.” He meant every word. It bothered him that he had stored centuries of knowledge, knew how to move the earth and command the seas, direct the lightning and clouds, could hunt the most challenging of adversaries, be they animal or vampire, yet he could not meet his lifemate’s needs without hurting her. It was ridiculous. The most important thing in his life, the one person vital to him, the only person who mattered in his existence, and he did not know how to communicate properly with her.
He swam after her, attempting to find words to express himself. How did one strike a balance between safety and play? Even making love out in the open seemed a risk. Yet even now, as they swam across the lake in unison, he ached for her, his body craving hers more and more. It seemed the longer they spent time together, the more intense his hunger for their merging became.
Desari retreated inward. She wasn’t angry with Julian; she could even understand him to a point. She was a woman with deep passions and a quick, intelligent mind. She might choose to follow Darius’s lead, because most times his way was her way. But no one else, not Dayan or Barack, could command her allegiance the way Darius did.
She did not want the same relationship with Julian as she had with her brother. She wanted a partnership, to be considered an equal with him. Desari instinctively knew she could never be truly happy with less. She wanted Julian’s respect, to be able to discuss things and make decisions together, not have him lead while she followed blindly. She had powers of her own; she could be of use to him in times of need if he had faith in her.
Why was it she could see his strength yet he could not see hers?
“Desari?” There was an ache in his voice that sent butterfly wings brushing at her insides. “I know you are upset.” He caught her arm in a gentle grip, halting her flight away from him. His legs treaded strongly in the water, holding them both up, one arm circling her waist, locking her to his larger frame. “Do not turn away from me. If I cannot read your thoughts and know what is important to you, I cannot provide for you.”
Her teeth tugged at her lower lip. Her dark eyes did not meet his golden ones. Even with her face averted, Julian could read the confusion there. She did not want to merge her mind with his. His hand moved up the smooth line of her back to the nape of her neck, his fingers easing the tension from her tight muscles. “I have much to learn, Desari, about the relationship between lifemates. I have such intense emotions—wild and chaotic at times—I feel almost panic-stricken with the fear of losing you or allowing you to come to harm.”
He wrapped his arms tightly around her, holding her against his heart. “Darius was correct when he said I was partially responsible for the success of the assassins’ attack on you. I have replayed it a million times in my mind. In my arrogance, I assumed you and the rest of your troupe were human, and I gave no thought to the distraction my presence would cause. Darius felt my power and was busy trying to detect the undead. Later, when you began to sing, I was so caught up in the colors I saw and the emotions I felt, with the excitement of knowing you were in the world, my lifemate, I could not believe it. I think I stood there frozen, unable to move, in shock. If I had not been so caught up in my own emotions, I would not have allowed any assassin to get close to you.”