Susan’s cheeks burned. “I can assure you, ma’am-”
“In the meantime, I’m demanding the immediate removal of several LVPD personnel who have done nothing but obstruct reasoned efforts to bring this fiend into custody. Beginning with Robert O’Bannon.”
“That’s uncalled for. Chief O’Bannon has years of-”
“His conduct has been grossly negligent.”
“He knows more about police work than you could learn in-”
“He hired a drunk to work on my daughter’s case!”
The harsh words sliced through the press conference like a laser. Susan took a step back, almost staggered.
“I guess you didn’t cover that in your opening statement, did you, Ms. Pulaski? Perhaps you’d like to explain why you are no longer a member of the LVPD. Why your employment was terminated. Perhaps you’d like to explain where you were residing only ten days ago or why you have a bandage on your wrist.”
Susan’s teeth were tightly clenched. “This conference is over.”
“I’m calling a press conference of my own!” the mother all but shouted. “I want some action! And I’m willing to put up my own money to see that it happens.”
“I don’t need this,” Susan said, folding up her materials.
The mother grabbed her arm. “I want my daughter’s killer found!”
Susan pushed her away. “We all do, ma’am.” She left the stage, and the live feed gave way to background commentators rattling about the “surprising and dramatic turn of events” at the press conference. Although they didn’t come right out and say they agreed with the mother, they were quick to note that she was not the only one who had criticized the way this investigation was being handled. They couldn’t resist adding that there were many unanswered questions about Susan Pulaski’s involvement, suggesting that they had known all along about her alcohol addiction and time in detox which, of course, none of the lazy mouthpieces had.
He shut off the television in disgust. His anger at that hideous woman and the ignorant press was intense, but not so intense as the sorrow he felt for his poor damaged Susan. She must be devastated. She would try to act tough, as if it didn’t bother her. But it would. It would eat away at her like an earwig burrowing through her brain. And before the day was done, she would drink.
The department would be all over her, pressuring her, just as they would now be pressured to terminate her. His resolve was redoubled: he had to give her something. Something to make her indispensable to the investigation.
That contemptible Spencer woman-how he loathed her. She was projecting, of course. Annabel had said she was a wretched, inattentive mother. No doubt she was trying to sublimate her guilt by lashing out at others. She had slandered him and, more importantly, his Susan. If it happened again, he would be forced to take action. For Susan’s sake. And that of the world to come.
I don’t like that one with the frozen hair and the painted face and the big glasses and the guitar calluses on her left-hand fingers. I didn’t like it when that one was mean to Susan there was no reason she should not be mean and that’s what they taught me in Sunday school didn’t she ever go to Sunday school that one was mean I’m sorry she lost her little girl but maybe if she’d been watching she wouldn’t have lost her and it isn’t Susan’s fault. She was mean to Susan and said lots of loud things I didn’t understand and she smelled bad too like something out of one of those bottles at J. C. Penney’s where the lady is always asking if you want a sample and I don’t I don’t I hate those smells get those smells away from me and I screamed and knocked over her tray and my dad was so mad at me and she smelled just like that. I didn’t think my dad would let me come to his office today but he did and he said I could come again if I wanted to if I didn’t get in Susan’s way because Susan has problems and he doesn’t want me to make them worse like I would. The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes. I got to see Susan and I know she likes coffee even though it’s bad for you so I read up everything about coffee so I could tell her and I think maybe it made her happy but I saw her talk to those camera people and saw the glasses lady be so mean and for no reason. Bad lady! I bet she likes spiders and I bet she has a dog.
She shouldn’t have been mean to Susan. No one should ever be mean to Susan. I want her to be happy. I want to have her babies.
I turned on the water, stepped into the shower fully clothed, and screamed. Screamed like a banshee, an elemental force of nature. Everything that had been pent up inside me I tried to release in one piercing blast. All my anger at the lawyers, at the people who took Rachel from me. At Dr. Coutant. At O’Bannon. And most of all at that obscene television gorgon Fara Spencer.
And David. David, David, David. I shouted and shouted until my throat hurt.
It wasn’t enough. It was still with me. It would always be with me.
What had that hideous bitch thought she was doing? As if nothing mattered but her own self-centered quest for vengeance? Normally, I was scrupulously considerate of the feelings of the bereaved, however their actions might complicate my work. But this woman had crossed the boundaries. She was using her celebrity status to interfere with the detective work. Worse, she was threatening my job. I knew that O’Bannon would be under all kinds of pressure to cut me loose. It would be the easiest thing to do, especially now that he had a federal behaviorist working on the case. And if I lost this job, my chances of getting Rachel back were less than zero.
I stumbled out of the shower, dripping water all over the floor. I didn’t know what I should do. I didn’t know what I could do. I dreaded going back to work tomorrow, knowing what everyone would be saying, or at least whispering. Knowing it was just a matter of time before the word was given. Before I was pink-slipped into oblivion.
I tore through the sacks in the kitchen, all the shopping I had done on my way home from the office. I thought about calling Patrick-after the conference, he had more than hinted that he would be available if I wanted to get together tonight. But I couldn’t, not now, not on these terms. Not when I was so goddamned vulnerable. There was only one thing I could do under these circumstances.
I had swallowed half the bottle before I came up for air. After that, I don’t remember much of anything.
14
I skulked into the office feeling like death on a plate, wondering if they could tell. If they would suspect. Everyone always suspects the worst, don’t they? At least about me they do.
I had not gone by the O’Bannons’ to pick up Darcy this morning-for a reason-so I was surprised to see him sitting beside my desk.