“Of course not.” Rachel laughed, then pointed.
David was sitting at the other end, facing me.
“You’re back,” I whispered.
“Surely you knew I couldn’t stay away for long.”
I nodded. “Thank you.”
He seemed puzzled. “For what?”
“For helping me. Back in the desert. Helping me survive.”
“Oh. Well, there’s a problem with that.”
“Problem.” My heart raced. All of a sudden I couldn’t catch my breath. “What problem?”
“You see, Susan…” I knew he didn’t want to go on, but he did. He was always braver than I was. “You’re still in the desert.”
“I-I am?”
“Yes, honey.”
“But I can see you. And Rachel and Lisa. And all this food.”
“Because you’re starving.” He laid his hand gently on mine. “You’re dying, sweetheart.”
I opened my eyes. The sun blistered. I didn’t know where I was, found it painful to move. My naked skin was burned and scratched and bleeding. I had chills and sweated and shook.
I had never left the desert. I could hear the crashing of water, but it was more distant than it had been before. Why weren’t there any people around? Shouldn’t there be people? How long had I been wandering? Weak, exposed, lost. Broken.
Had David said I was dying? But I was already dead. Surely I was already dead.
24
She isn’t dead she isn’t dead she isn’t dead I don’t believe that she is dead Mom Mommy is dead and they wouldn’t tell me and everyone looked at me so sad and I didn’t know why and Uncle Braden smelled like rosewater but she couldn’t be dead because if she’s dead then it’s my fault and we won’t have babies and I won’t get to be a policeman and most of all I won’t get to see her and I like her I really really really like her she’s nice to me.
Why couldn’t I have read that message sooner?
DAM YOU IM ACELERATING YOUR EDUCATION YOURE NEXT SUSAN
Dad says I shouldn’t use words like that and I should forget I ever heard them and so I did forget and it took me longer for the letters to talk to me and the Bad Man took Susan. It’s my fault because I’m so stupid stupid stupid I’m a retard just like they say at Dad’s office I’m a stupid stupid retard. Your mother can’t be with you anymore, Bambi. This Bad Man is playing with us he likes to give us clues but we don’t know what they mean and he took Susan and we don’t know where and please let her still be alive please please please Mr. Strickland said that Jesus saves and Jesus protects so please take care of Susan and keep her alive.
DAM YOU IM ACELERATING YOUR EDUCATION YOURE NEXT SUSAN
Also if he spelled better it wouldn’t have taken so long and he made mistakes translating the words into code, too. He left out the apostrophes and he didn’t put a period at the end of the sentence and Mrs. Calloway in first grade said I should always put a period at the end of the sentence but I don’t think that way and she smelled moldy like she didn’t brush her teeth enough and he put in the wrong kind of dam I would’ve gotten it sooner if he checked his spelling.
Unless that’s the trick.
Dad! I need my dad or Patrick or someone I hate it when they make games with words I never get those stupid jokes because words just say what they say and he used the wrong one unless he meant to use the wrong one because he thought it was funny and maybe we can still help Susan maybe it’s not too late for Susan please don’t let it be too late for Susan please please please please please.
Why does everyone who’s nice to me have to go away?
“Paaaa-trick!” Before he could look up, a body fell across the desk, almost head-butting him in the process. It was Chief O’Bannon’s son, Darcy.
Madeline came running up behind him. “I’m sorry, sir. I told him you didn’t want to be disturbed.”
“It’s okay.” He helped the young man off his desk. “Haven’t seen you in days.”
For once, Darcy’s conversation was remarkably direct. “I know where she is.”
Patrick felt a deep sadness in his heart. He knew the boy had a crush on Susan. Even if he wasn’t physically demonstrative, his devotion couldn’t have been more evident. Given his preexisting emotional fragility, her disappearance must be tearing him up. “Did you have a dream about her?”
“I know where she is! I figured it out.”
“I’m sure you did.”
Darcy grabbed his shoulders and shook him. “Did you know that in World War II the Allies invented a code that could only be solved if you had a special machine because they used hidden cells and multiple substitutions and-and-” His voice began to break up, like it was tumbling into a funnel. “Did you know that these codes are impossible to solve and that must be why the Bad Man used it when he wanted to say something that we wouldn’t get until it was too late?”
Patrick didn’t know what to do. If this were a normal man, he’d think he was on the verge of a mental breakdown. With an autistic, he didn’t know what it meant. Except that he needed help. “I know you’re good with codes. You figured out what Edgar’s warning said-”
“But not what it meant!” Darcy flapped his hands, rocking back and forth. He broke away from Patrick and circled around the desk, again and again, with increasing speed. “My dad says I don’t get jokes.”
“Well, sometimes I’m not the quickest-”
“But I do! I do get jokes. Maybe I don’t think they’re funny, but I know when people are kidding, some of the time. I knew when the other kids were making fun of me.”
“Darcy-”
“But I hate puns. Why should one word have more than one meaning? It’s confusing and it doesn’t make any sense.”
His agitation was intensifying. Half the office was watching now. Out of the corner of his eye, Patrick saw Madeline go for Chief O’Bannon, probably thinking he was the only one who could get the boy under control. “Darcy, I think the best thing would be for you to go home now. Get some rest. If anything happens-”
“You thought he spelled it wrong!” Darcy shouted. “But he didn’t spell it wrong. He’s too smart for spelling wrong. It was a clue.”
“What?”
“About dam. ‘Damn you.’ But he left off the n. Because he didn’t mean that kind of dam.”
“As I recall, he misspelled a couple of words.”
“To fool us. He’s smart and tricky. You said so in your paper. ‘The subject is possessed of extraordinary intelligence and imagination.’ So why would he misspell words?”
Despite Darcy’s convoluted, histrionic manner, Patrick was beginning to grasp his point. “Are you saying-?”
Darcy climbed up on the desk chair and began jumping up and down. “She’s at a dam! He took her to a dam!”
O’Bannon appeared at the top of the stairs. “Come on, Darcy. Let’s go home.”
“She’s at a dam! You have to go and find her!”
Somehow, O’Bannon managed to drag his son away, apologizing to everyone as they passed. Darcy kept on screaming. He looked back, his hands stretched toward Patrick.
“Go to the dam! Go to the dam!”
Patrick fell back into a desk chair. Was it possible?
Hoover was the closest and most famous dam, but hardly the only one. How could they know? It was probably nonsense. He couldn’t take tips from a hysterical autistic boy. Surely they weren’t that desperate. If there was any chance of finding her, it would only come from good solid detective work. Surely.
“You aren’t real,” I said as I ran my fingertips down David’s perfectly sculpted chest.
“Does it matter?” he replied. “I’m the only game in town.”
I laughed and pulled him closer. “Do that thing.”
“What thing?”
“You know. That thing you do.”
“With… what part of my body?”
“Your nose, silly.” I laughed. I loved it when he was like this, all tender and attentive. Happy. No moods, no complaints, just him and me. “The way you crinkle it.”