“Naturally,” she said complacently. “That is why I went to the trouble of creating a fictitious male Carpathian, an artist, who is a hermit. My work is often sought by Carpathians to safeguard their homes and bring peace to their environment. They send their orders through my company and I do the work. A few have asked to see the artist, but I always decline.”
“Any Carpathian worth his salt can distinguish the difference between the touch of a female or male.”
She raised her elegant eyebrow. “Really? Perhaps you underestimate me, Gabriel. I have lived for centuries in secret, undiscovered by the undead, by Carpathian males traveling through this city, and even by you and your brother. Although at times I suspected Lucian might have been aware of my existence. He returned often to this city and scanned more times than I care to count or remember.”
“He did?” That made Gabriel nervous. If Lucian suspected such a thing as a female Carpathian in this city, he would dig and dig until he found her. Nothing escaped Lucian’s attention. Gabriel recalled how Lucian had led him back to Paris time and again. Even their last terrible battle had been here. Had Lucian somehow been aware of a female’s presence? They had shared information all the time. What one knew, the other did, too. Would Lucian hide such knowledge from him?
Francesca nodded solemnly. “Yes. I felt his presence often over the centuries, and I must confess I buried myself deep within the earth to hide from him. I was afraid of you finding me. I had lived alone so long doing whatever pleased me, and I no longer wanted a male in my life.” She did not tell him that she had been afraid he might reject her again and she couldn’t have borne it a second time.
“Francesca, Francesca,” Gabriel murmured softly, “what a little liar you have become. What is the good doctor if not a man? Why would you want the taste of love from one such as he?”
She pulled her hand away from him, cutting him off from her soothing touch. Her face was averted, the curtain of hair concealing her expression from him. “That just happened unexpectedly.”
“You have lived with humans so long, sweetheart,” he said softly, gently, “you have forgotten what it is like among our people, among lifemates, males and females. I am a shadow in your mind, in your thoughts. You can tell an untruth to Brice, but never to me. You have lived as a human and do not want to extend your own feelings be- yond their capabilities. You are afraid of the intensity of Carpathian emotions. I hurt you, Francesca, and you do not ever want to experience such pain again.”
She pushed at her long, wild hair and her hand was trembling, betraying her, even as she shrugged her shoulders with studied casualness. “I don’t know if you’re right. I certainly never blamed you. I was hurt at first, I was only a child, but I
always
understood the well-being of our race was far more important than the happiness of one person.”
He caught her shoulders, bringing her to an abrupt halt, the controlled violence in his grip setting her heart pounding. He had enormous strength. “Never think that I had a noble purpose in leaving you behind, Francesca. If I had known of your existence, I would never have left. I am far more selfish than you can imagine, because you are not. I would never have given you up then, any more than I intend to now. You are the only person who is important to me. I saw the memory of that day so long ago in your mind. I was striding through a village, as I had gone through so many other villages. I felt something unusual, but my mind was preoccupied with thoughts of war. I glanced back, I saw women, but did not really see them. The faces of women and children haunted me, I could never look directly at them. I turned away as my brother spoke. Had I seen you, our lives would have been very different. I have a duty to perform, but I would have forsaken it back then. I would have allowed Lucian to hunt alone.”
She studied his face for a long moment; then a slow smile curved her soft mouth and she shook her head. “No, you would have willingly sacrificed your happiness for the good of our people.”
“But not yours. You still do not understand. I would not have sacrificed yours. I would never have allowed you to be so unhappy. I hate myself for what you have gone through to survive alone, feeling so rejected and unwanted.”
“That was the child, Gabriel, not the woman. My life has had purpose and meaning. Because I am tired does not mean I did not enjoy the years I had. I lived well and made my life count as best I could. I had experiences other women of our race could never have. I have been independent and loved it. Yes, I missed having a family, but I had other things to occupy me. It was not a terrible life. And I always had a choice. I could have revealed myself to you again. I could have sought the dawn. I could even have chosen to go back to my homeland where at least the soil and the company of our people would have given me solace. I did not choose to do so. And it was strictly my choice, not yours. I am a woman of power, not a child creeping and hiding in the shadows. All I did, I did of my own will. I’m not a victim, Gabriel. Please do not attempt to make me out to be one.”
“You do not love Brice, you only admire him. You have something in common. You respect the way he is with children, his ability to heal, and his focus on his medicine. But you also have your reservations about him.”
“I do not,” she denied adamantly. “Why would you think that?”
“If you did not, Francesca, you would have committed your life to him. I have been in your mind—”
“Well, stay out of it.”
“It is not such an easy thing to do, sweetheart. In fact, you are asking the impossible of me. You do not like the way Brice treats the patients who are less fortunate, those without homes. You do not like the way he is able to completely forget his patients once he has treated them. There are many things you have serious reservations about. You share so much with him, so many children who are ill, but part of you knows that he needs to cure them for his own ego.”
Her dark eyes flashed at him. “Maybe that’s why I do it, too.” There was far too much truth in his words for comfort, and she was annoyed at herself even more than at him. She wanted to cling to Brice because he could never hurt her the way Gabriel had. Her lifemate
had torn out her heart.
His voice, so calm, so truthful, was enough to make her writhe with mortification. She was a woman of power, not a child to be hiding behind a mortal; yet, in the end, that was what she was doing rather than face her lifemate.
“You do it because you are a natural born healer with a gift beyond comparison. You would never leave Skyler in a home with strangers after what she has been through. It would never occur to you. If you could not care for her yourself, you would always watch over her. That is who you are. The doctor would simply forget her.”
“You aren’t being entirely fair to him, Gabriel. After all, he didn’t share her memories. He doesn’t know what she’s been through.” Francesca found herself defending Brice almost automatically.
“He examined her extensively,” Gabriel said. “He saw how withdrawn she was. That comes from trauma. He knew. He probably knows all of it, the physical part anyway, and he can guess at the mental and emotional trauma. It does not touch him once she is no longer his patient. That bothers you.”
Francesca turned away from him and began to walk along the sidewalk. “Maybe you’re right, Gabriel. I don’t know. I’m very confused.”
He had torn out her heart.
He would again when he left her to follow his twin, as he must. She could feel the touch of his mind gently reaching for hers. She hastily forced herself to think of Skyler, to focus on the teenager.
“I know you’re confused, love, and it is no wonder that you are,” Gabriel said softly, but he was watching her with his intent black gaze. “For now we should concentrate on how to bring Skyler home and provide a decent home for her. We will need to decide which memories to erase completely and which to minimize.”