Gently he lifted her all the way onto the bed and lay down beside her, his legs too weak to hold him up any longer. She burrowed close to him, her arms around his neck, her breasts pressed against him, body still
shuddering with pleasure.
«I think I am alive,» he said, faint humor in his voice.
«I'm not.» She was tired. Exhausted, but every time he shifted, her body reacted.
He moved against her, his mouth trailing down her throat to the swell of her breast, and she held her breath as she felt his incisors prick her skin. Instinct was taking over and she wanted what he was offering. She arched closer, but he merely flicked her breast with his tongue, pulling back as he rolled over.
It was too late for him. He had taken her blood numerous times, so much so that he knew the infection raged in his body. His Carpathian blood prevented him from feeling too many of the effects, but still, the wolf was in him now. But MaryAnn, it wasn't too late for her. He just had to maintain control at all times. Making love to her was the most dangerous of times because the need, the craving for her blood was on him all the time.
She lay in silence for a long while, listening to the combined rhythm of their heartbeats. Finally she propped herself up onto her elbow, levering up onto her side so she could look at him. «Manolito, I'm in your mind and I can feel your need to convert me. You don't just want to do it; every instinct you have is demanding it.»
His fingers curled around the nape of her neck. «That matters little to me. Your safety and happiness are more important than anything else.»
«Riordan said you could still turn vampire.»
«You misunderstood.» His fingers began a slow massage to ease the tension out of her. «We are bound together. I cannot turn. I will choose a life with you, whether it is here or in your beloved city of Seattle.» He flashed her a smile. «See? I am beginning to be able to read your mind at will, too.»
«What does that mean? I don't understand.»
«I will grow old and die as you do. The lycan have longevity as well, but not as Carpathians. When you give up life, so will I.»
She was silent, studying his face, probing his mind. Delving deep, she found-the wolf. She had known all along it was emerging, but now she could feel its powerful presence. With that combined with his Carpathian characteristics, Manolito would be a difficult man to handle. It was fortunate she had her wolf to help guide her.
«I want to go back to Seattle to see my family often,» she said.
«Of course.»
«And you will be charming and not at all bossy.»
His eyebrow shot up. «It is always said that I am a charming man.»
«By whom? You and your brothers?» She gave a delicate sniff of disbelief. «When we go visit, you have to act civilized and not at all like a Carpathian or a wolf. I don't want my mother upset.»
«Are you going to ask her questions?»
«I don't know. I haven't decided yet. But I do know if Solange and Jasmine stay in Brazil, wherever they are,
they really need help. I think we should try to have a home near them as well as in the States.»
«I agree, and that is a perfect solution. Jasmine wants to go to the ranch, but Solange, I think, will be a problem. And in truth, MaryAnn, I do not believe she should ever be near my eldest brother, Zacarias. He does not take no for an answer, and she would judge him very harshly, not understanding that his word had to be, and continues to have to be, law. He was what kept us all from turning vampire. The darkness is in him, and we all tread softly to try to keep from pushing him over the edge.»
She could feel his sorrow and worry for his oldest brother. He obviously loved and respected Zacarias above all others. She brushed back Manolito's hair with gentle fingers and leaned forward to kiss him. The shadows in his eyes, the heaviness in his heart were almost more than she could bear.
«You think you will eventually lose him.» She made it a statement.
Manolito lay back, locking his fingers behind his head, and stared up at the sparkling crystals covering the ceiling. He sighed. «Zacarias is a great man, meu amor, highly intelligent, and he wields much power. He has stood in front of my brothers, in front of me, shielding us from the kills to allow us more time. Each kill we make our souls grow darker.»
«Can you, Riordan and Rafael try to…» She trailed off. What was she saying? Did she want Manolito to hunt the vampire?
He shook his head. «He would never allow us to do that for him. He believes he is responsible for us. I already see the darkness is strong in him. I was so close to turning myself, I should know. Even when I entered the other world, the other occupants knew. After a while the darkness runs together until you no longer know if you can resist the lure to just one time feel something. Anything.»
«But three of you have found lifemates. That should give him hope.»
«He cannot feel hope, not his own. He can only feel our hope for him. And even should he find his lifemate, I fear he would be too difficult for a woman of today's society to live with. Most of our lifemates are human or raised human. He is a throwback to a different era. You find me difficult. In comparison, I assure you, MaryAnn, I am a very modern man.»
«I'm very glad to hear you say that, Manolito, because this modern woman has come to a decision, and it's my decision to make. Mine. You have to understand that I believe I do have rights. This is important to me.»
«What decision would that be?» He sounded wary. He was wary. He wasn't about to free her from her obligations even if it was possible-which it wasn't.
«I want you to convert me. Now. Tonight. I want to share your life wholly with you.» She ignored the storm clouds gathering in his eyes. «I didn't have a decision at any time along the way. So this is me, thinking it over, knowing what I'm doing and saying, yes, I love you and I want to be wholly yours.»
Chapter Nineteen
M
ted
5»
Manolito bit down on his first response, forcing the sudden fear down. Emotions were much more difficult to deal with than he'd remembered. If he converted MaryAnn, and the wolf protested, it might kill her. No one, not even Vlad, remembered the pairing of a wolf and a Carpathian.
«Manolito?» Her fingers drifted over his face, tracing his cheekbones, gentle, filled with love.
He swallowed the lump in his throat and turned his face away from her so she wouldn't see him fight back the way she affected him. She shook him with her tenderness. With love. Being a lifemate seemed so simple, yet it was far more complex than he had ever considered. He wanted her conversion for himself. He had pride in what and who he was, but at the same time, he wouldn't-couldn't-risk her.
«Ask me for the moon, MaryAnn, and I will find a way to get it for you. But not this. Not when we do not know what will happen.»
«You are changing. You said so yourself.» She pressed kisses along his strong jaw and up to the corner of his mouth. «Whatever you are, I want to be. I've thought about this a lot. I had plenty of time while I was fighting off vampires and mages and jaguar-men. It's really rare to find someone you love, and even rarer to have them love you back.»
«We will still have that,» he said gently and reached up to pull her down on top of him. He couldn't look into her eyes and not give her whatever she wanted. «We will always have that.» When had it started? When had she turned his world upside down? His stomach was jittery and his heart melted the moment he looked at her. His brothers would laugh if they knew. He rubbed his chin on top of her head, feeling her hair catch like tiny threads binding them together. With a thought, he removed her top, sending it sailing to the floor so he could smooth his hand down her soft back.