"We can stay here in the village tonight," Jared said as he helped her into the carriage. "We don't have to go on."
She supposed he was being kind. He didn't realize that the man in the grave was no longer her father. Her father was somewhere else now. She wearily settled herself on the seat beside Lani. "I want to leave this place."
He studied her face, then nodded. "Very well. We'll leave for the coast at once." He turned away and mounted his horse.
Lani's hand covered Cassie's as the carriage lurched forward. "You're right, it's wise to go on. After you say good-bye, you must not look back in sorrow."
Cassie smiled sadly. "They won't understand the way we believe. The English think we must wear black weeds and flaunt our sorrow for months."
"Perhaps Jared is more understanding than you think."
"I don't want to know if he is."
"You wish to keep him at a distance." Lani nodded understandingly. "You think he cannot forget the past and all the bitterness. It was your father who bore the guilt, not you."
But would he ever be able to look at her without seeing her father and that scene at Danjuet? Now that she had accepted her father's guilt, it seemed incredible Jared had even wanted to touch her. "If he could forget, there would still be no life for us. I couldn't… It would be…" She was silent, then whispered, "I'm not as generous as you, Lani. I couldn't occupy his bed and not his life. I'd want everything. I wouldn't know how to be a duke's mistress."
"No, you wouldn't." Lani squeezed her hand. "I'll tell Jared you wish to go home."
She knew he would not accept it. She would have to stay out of his way, out of his sight. It should not be too difficult. As she had said, the English custom demanded a long period of mourning. Jared might have the reputation of ignoring tradition, but such beliefs were ingrained from childhood. "I need to leave right away."
Lani nodded. "It's best for both of us. We have no place with these people now."
Josette met them when they rode into the courtyard at Morland.
"Is everything all right? Are you angry with me? I had to tell him, Cassie. He said you were in danger, and I didn't think it would matter since-"
"I'm not angry." Cassie held up her hand to stop the flood of words that was about to pour from Josette's lips. "And I understand. But I'm very tired and would like to rest now." She started up the steps. "Is Kapu well?"
"Yes." Josette stared after her, puzzled. "Don't you want to go see him?"
"Later." She disappeared into the castle.
"Leave her alone for a time, Josette," Lani said. "She's still mourning. We buried her father yesterday." She turned to Jared. "Cassie and I spoke after the funeral. It's time we went home. Will you see to arranging passage?"
"Don't be foolish," he said roughly. "I'll take you myself."
"That's not necessary."
"It is to me."
"Then let it be done at once. She needs familiar things around her."
"It will take at least a week to put my affairs in order and ready the Josephine for a long voyage."
"Then start right away." She turned and followed Cassie into the house.
Jared stared after her, his hands clenching on the reins. He couldn't leave it like this. He wanted to comfort Cassie. He wanted to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be good again. He had to do something.
"Think again, lad," Bradford said as he dismounted. "Patience. She's not ready."
"I know that." He slid from his horse and threw the reins to Joe. "I'm not completely mad." He started across the courtyard toward the stable.
Josette ran after him. "Where are you going?"
"For a ride."
"May I go with you?"
Jared didn't want company. He felt as tethered and on edge as Kapu when he had first been lifted aboard the Josephine.
"Please," Josette whispered.
He nodded curtly. None of this was Josette's fault, and he knew the pain of being closed out. Cassie had scarcely looked at him since they had left Cambre's library. "Come along."
"Do you suppose Cassie would mind if I rode Kapu? I've been exercising him since she left."
He shook his head. "She won't mind." Christ, he was even feeling envy of Josette. Cassie had never allowed him to ride the stallion, never allowed him the camaraderie she gave the girl. There had always been wariness and distrust between them. Even that last terrible confrontation with Cambre had been initiated by distrust.
"You said you were taking Cassie home," Josette said. "May I go with you?"
He shook his head. "It's too long a journey."
"I thought you'd say that." She bit her lip. "I don't want them to go. I don't want any of you to go."
"We have to go. You heard Lani." She looked so distressed that he put his arm around her. "You'll be busy here. I need you to help Mrs. Blakely and my agent oversee Morland."
"They do very well by themselves. I really want to go, Jared."
He shook his head.
She sighed. "I can't convince you, can I?"
He brushed the top of her head with his lips. "Not this time."
She shrugged. "Then I won't try." She opened the stable door and suddenly brightened. "At least I won't have to go back to school. I'm sure I can keep myself amused."
Jared grimaced. "I'm sure you can, too. God help us all."
The scents of the dark stable were blessedly familiar to Cassie. As usual they soothed her, eased the aching loss she had felt since she had arrived back at Morland over a week ago. Kapu nickered softly as she drew close.
"Hello, boy," Cassie whispered as she stroked Kapu's nose. "It's so good to see you. I didn't want to leave you alone this long. Have you missed me?"
"I've missed you," Jared said.
She stiffened, then turned to watch him walk out of the shadows. "What are you doing here?"
"Waiting for you." He stopped before her. "It's been eight days, but I knew you'd come here eventually. I've been waiting here every night. You might choose to avoid me, but never Kapu. You must really have been desperate to hide from me to keep away from him for an entire week."
She evaded the accusation. "Since we're going to leave tomorrow, I wanted him to know I'd be with him. You know how he hates ships."
"He'll be all right. He'll have Morgana in the cargo hold with him this time. Cassie, I-"
She quickly turned back to the stallion. "It seems such a long time since I saw him. So much has happened…"
"Yes." He paused and then said deliberately, "I've killed a man and your father is dead." He took a step closer and added fiercely, "But you know I didn't kill your father, so why won't you talk to me?"
"There's nothing to say."
"There's everything to say. You would have died to save me, and now you don't think I'm worth a word?"
"I owed you a debt. You didn't have to come when Cambre sent for you."
"Of course I had to come. I could no more have stopped myself than I could have stopped breathing." He turned her to face him. "Stop looking at that stallion. I'm trying to tell you something."
"I don't want to hear it."
"You're going to hear it anyway. I'm not going to let you walk away from me this time. We've gone too far." His eyes held hers. "I know this isn't the time, but I can't help it. I came to you when Cambre sent for me because we were meant to be together and I didn't want to live without you. You stepped in front of me when Cambre was pointing that pistol for the same reason. We belong to each other, and I'm not going to let you go because of everything that's gone before. Though he may have saved my life, I'll never be able to share fond memories of your father. But you'll never hear me speak against him. It's over, we start again." He drew a deep breath. "That's all I wanted to say. I'm not going to force you. I know I have to give you time to heal. I just wanted you to-" He stopped and then the frustration exploded. "Just don't avoid me. I can't stand it, goddammit." He released her and started toward the door.