She hadn't known she could be so scared of losing someone again. She pulled away from him, but his hands held her close, not letting her escape too far. Unable to look at him, Ivory pressed her forehead against his chest.
«I had no idea I was such a coward.»
He laughed softly. «You are far from a coward, han ku vigyaz sielamet-keeper of my soul. You are an extraordinary woman.» His lips brushed the top of her hair, lingered there for a moment, before he dropped his chin on top of her head and nuzzled her.
«I cannot imagine the Carpathian males being so careful with their lifemate's feelings as you are with mine.»
He caught her chin and lifted her face to his. «We are not like others. We never will be. We make our own rules and we live by ourselves. Our world is different, Ivory. Never think yourself less because you are careful with your emotions. You are a warrior with a mission, a momentous task that few others would ever try to undertake. Never sell yourself short in any way. I take great pride in you and in the fact that I was chosen to be your lifemate. It is an honor like no other.»
He meant it, she knew. She was in his mind and he meant every word. He made her feel special. It was an odd feeling after being thrown away by the Carpathian people, after the betrayal of her brothers when they made the decision to join the ranks of the undead and ally themselves with Xavier for power. It was odd to feel the intensity of Razvan's emotions for her: his pride, the honor he felt, the absolute unwavering devotion to her. He was a selfless man, uncaring what others thought of him, but fiercely proud of her.
Her heart did a jittery slide that seemed to go on forever, a slow turnover, and she knew she was lost. «I am more afraid of what is between us than I was facing the master vampire.»
A master vampire who had once, long ago, been her very loved brother. Razvan curled his fingers around the nape of her neck and held her close to him, offering comfort when she didn't ask for it. She would never ask for it.
«I buried them long ago,» she whispered, laying her head against his chest and letting the strength in his arms hold her up. Here, in this dream garden, with no one around, she could show weakness, just for a moment, because she knew Razvan accepted her exactly for who she was. «I carry their souls in mine, in the hope that when I go to the next life, what I have done will count for them, and they will be given a second chance. Whether they take it or not is up to them. I had completely reconciled myself to their loss but . . .» She trailed off.
There were no words to express the overwhelming grief and wrenching sense of betrayal when her brother had used the illusion of his earlier self in an attempt to kill her. She knew he would have destroyed her as easily as he would the farmer and his family, Travis and Razvan. She had been completely unprepared for that terrible pain, the heartache she felt at seeing him again.
«I think it would be normal to feel that way. I was prepared for my sister to despise me, and I certainly feel I am prepared for my biological daughters to detest me, but that does not mean it won't hurt.» He held her close, surrounding her with warmth. «You have a loving heart, Ivory. You guard it well, but those you let into your life are there permanently, regardless of what happens. I've heard the love in your voice and felt it in your mind each evening Nicolas comes to give us blood. It's the love of a sister and yet it has been centuries since you have seen him, and he has done many troubling things in his life.»
«But he is such a wonderful man. He is so in love with Lara, your daughter,» Ivory pointed out. «I could love him for that alone. He has not yet completely brought her into this world, although both of them suffer for it. They give so much to the Carpathian people, trying to save the babies.»
«She has become sensitive to the light,» Razvan agreed. «And she cannot go to ground, but she can live many years without too many problems.»
«He worries she will get pregnant in her half-state. Did you catch in his mind exactly what she can do that no other can?»
«She is part mage, and they need a mage to hunt the microbes invading the women's bodies. The microbes kill most of the children.»
Ivory frowned and pulled away from him. She looked around the lush garden with its abundance of shrubs and flowers. Water wound lazily along the bed of a pretty little stream, coloring the rocks in sparkling golds and silvers. The ribbon of a waterfall zigzagged along the high rock face forming one wall of the garden. The water shimmered in a long drop. Butterflies flitted and birds sang even under the shine of the moon overhead. It was a dream world.
They could stand together, close like they were, and she could feel the first thrill of love blossoming, the fierce physical pull between them, but even here, the real world crept in. Even here the snake that was Xavier crept in.
«He cannot reach us here,» Razvan said. «He no longer has my mind.»
«But he can. He colors the world in evil, Dragonseeker. Evil is such a little used word, yet he embodies it. There is no monster in the world equal to him. You saved Lara from him . . .»
«My aunts saved Lara. Even when they might have had a chance to escape, Xavier used my body to plunge a knife into Branislava's breast. They were already so weak, kept drained of blood to feed his insatiable need.»
«As were you.»
Razvan made no response, just kept pace with her as she went to the entrance of the maze. She took his hand again and drew him inside the labyrinth of tall shrubbery.
«Lara is still dictated to by Xavier. She cannot be wholly converted until he is destroyed.» Ivory sighed. «We must find a way to rid the world of such evil.»
«It is Lara's choice to remain in the half-world between mage and Carpathian. Her lifemate will protect her, just as I would you. That's freedom, Ivory, true freedom, and thankfully her lifemate understands she needs that above all else. He must trust her enough to know that when he tells her time is over for their safety, or health, that she will listen to him and allow him to convert her and bring her fully into the Carpathian world. He will not let her give too much of herself, nor would any of the Carpathians want her to do so,» Razvan pointed out. «Ivory,» he stopped her again, standing in front of her to bring her hand to his mouth.
Very gently he rubbed his thumb back and forth over her knuckles-knuckles that had seen too many fights and would see many more. «We have accepted that we will hunt Xavier. And we will not stop until we destroy him. But we will live while we take this journey. Each night we rise, we will live. Every minute. Every moment. We will celebrate our lives and enjoy our journey, good or bad. He cannot have us. He cannot have those we love.» He brought her knuckles back to his mouth and swirled his tongue over the scars there. «Do you understand what I am saying to you?»
Ivory took a breath. She felt herself falling forward into the very depths of his eyes, a very non-warrior-like thing to do, but in that moment she didn't care. A slow smile warmed her eyes to liquid gold. Razvan had just given her a key to the way he had survived. He would not ever allow Xavier to truly own him. Whatever path his journey had taken, he had accepted the consequences and was at peace with his decisions, no matter how difficult they might have been.
She brushed back that thick mane of silky striped hair, and then allowed her fingertips to trace the worn lines in his face. Her throat closed on an unexpected lump. «Do you wish for peace, Razvan? Should I have allowed you to slip into the next life?» The lump threatened to choke her. At times he looked so worn, his eyes old, his mind filled with too many memories-none of them good.
«I would not have wanted to miss being with you for the world. Perhaps I spent those long years with Xavier for just this purpose, Ivory. How do we know what we are meant to do? I had years to learn his ways and now each test matters. I do not forget. Ever. Anything you need is stored in my head. And I will quickly absorb all of your battle experience. We will make such a pair as the world has never seen.»