Last night, she hadn’t done what I’d begged and left. She’d stayed, even at the risk of Lucien coming to claim me. But it seemed he hadn’t shown, because she said she’d watched over me all alone. I hadn’t been very entertaining, and she’d finally accepted my assurances that I was okay and left me alone by midnight.
I’d tossed and turned the rest of the night, wondering why Lucien hadn’t come for me.
Was he okay?
Was Whisper okay?
Three times I’d gotten out of bed and made it halfway out of my pavilion before shaking my head and scurrying back to bed.
Even if I wanted to check on him, travelling through the fire-burning estate at two in the morning would almost definitely end with me being murdered.
I straightened and headed to the kitchen.
Grabbing the honey from the well-supplied cupboard, I returned to Whisper, unscrewed the jar, and held it out. “Will you let me put some of this on it? I don’t have any proper creams or bandages, but honey is antibacterial, antiseptic, and a great healer.”
The panther wrinkled his nose, his whiskers flaring.
But he didn’t move, so I took that as another yes.
“You know...” I scooped up a little bit of honey and dropped to my haunches beside him. “Your master never came for me yesterday.” Smearing the thick sweetness over his cut, I kept my touch as light as possible. “Is he okay?”
Almost as if he understood, his gaze flicked to mine, his eyebrows pulling together.
I froze. “Wait, he’s not okay?”
He slouched.
“What happened to him?” I smeared the rest of the honey in a rush.
I had to go.
Was that why Lucien never came for me? Because he couldn’t?
Screwing the lid back on, I dashed into the kitchen to rinse my fingers. Shaking off the droplets, I hurried back to Whisper.
“Hey, stop that,” I ordered.
Whisper grumbled as I tried to stop him licking the honey off his shoulder.
I rolled my eyes. “I should’ve seen that coming, shouldn’t I?”
He smacked his lips.
“That wasn’t supposed to be a treat, you know.”
He kept licking, his pink raspy tongue dragging over his fur.
Ugh, whatever.
“We have to go. Right now.”
Whisper immediately headed toward the door.
Chasing after him, I slipped on my flip-flops and left the pavilion.
As we ran through the sprawling gorgeous gardens, past pagodas and koi-carp-filled ponds, my mind raced.
I wasn’t sure if I was running to save Lucien...or running because I couldn’t stand another hour without seeing him, but the closer we got to the black stone palace, the more I fretted about how we’d left things and all the complicated feelings that refused to leave.
I...didn’t want to fight with him anymore.
I didn’t want to have to protect myself from how he made me feel and all the urges that’d steadily gotten worse.
He might be treated like a beast. Caged like one. Tortured like one. And ready to kill all those who threatened the meagre life he had, but...he was more than that to me now.
“What could I do for your master to show I’m on his side?” I asked Whisper as we cut up the steps of Cinderkeep.
The panther shot me an odd look and kept moving.
I had nothing to offer, apart from myself.
I couldn’t break him out, and I couldn’t buy him anything.
I didn’t know his likes and dislikes, and I had nothing of value in here.
“I want to thank him,” I whispered. “I want to show him how much I appreciate that he bled himself for me. That he recognised my pain and tried to stop me from suffering. If he’s suffering too, then I want to try to do the same.”
Whisper might have a large vocabulary and seemed almost human with his mannerisms but...he was still just a panther and gave me no answers.
I ran into the palace anyway, seeking out the one man to ever affect me.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
I FOUND HIM DRINKING TEA OUTSIDE in his courtyard.
Unlike other people in my life who drank hot beverages just for the caffeine-hit, Lucien didn’t throw back a mug of whatever. Instead—either thanks to sheer boredom or his heritage—he made it a ritual.
The white china teapot was painted with blue oriental dragons. The teacup covered in matching periwinkle clouds. Steam rose from the teapot spout, hinting he’d only just sat down after doing whatever it was that he did in the mornings.
Did he exercise?
Did he swim?
I’d found an indoor swimming pool last week while cleaning—okay, snooping. The west side of the palace had been transformed from an impressive greenhouse into a long glass-covered indoor swimming pool, complete with a steam room, ice plunge, and spa.
It didn’t make sense why—if he was a prisoner—they delivered such incredible food and spared no expense on health and wellness equipment. Why wasn’t he trapped in a prison cell or a small cabin in the middle of nowhere? But...if I looked at it in the way of keeping their investment as healthy and robust as possible, it gave a morbid twist to his luxurious cage.
They needed him alive for as long as his body would hold out—even with the regular torture.
“So you do remember the way, after all,” he muttered, sipping his cup and glowering at the single tree in the centre of the courtyard. “I was beginning to wonder when you didn’t show up yesterday.”
Here we go...
Verbal admonishment coming up.
I would take whatever he wanted to dish out, so I could come out the other side and do my best to make him see me. See my good intentions. See that I wasn’t like the others. See that I was ready to be his friend.
Bracing myself, I moved to stand in front of him. “Go on then, scold me.” I froze as my gaze darted over him. “Wait...”
He really didn’t look good.
His usual predator-like stillness couldn’t hide the barest of tremors. His dark eyes rimmed red from lack of sleep while dark crescents bruised the skin beneath. His cheekbones cut sharply, and all the colour had leeched from his mouth. Even the hand holding the teacup trembled before he steadied it against his knee.
“I knew it!” I rushed to touch him but stopped myself. “That’s why you didn’t come to fetch me. You’re hurt.”
“I’m fine.”
I scowled. “You look like death chewed you up and spat you out.”
“Good morning to you, too.” He stiffened as his gaze danced over my face, drinking me in like I’d drank him. “You seem concerned about my welfare yet...what happened to you?”
I stood taller and arched my chin. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
He narrowed his eyes. “You had another episode, didn’t you?”
I crossed my arms, unnerved that he could read me so well. “I didn’t sleep well, that’s all.”
“You truly are one of the worst they’ve thrown in here,” he murmured, sipping his tea like an emperor. “Completely hopeless.”
My temper sparked, but I held my tongue.
I won’t argue. I’ll be nice...
“Why didn’t you use what I gave you?” Throwing back the last mouthful of tea, he placed the delicate cup back on the shell-inlaid side table and stood. “At least one of us wouldn’t have been in pain last night.” His jaw clenched, causing the tendons in his throat to appear. His signature black shirt and trousers were covered with his floor-length black coat, the front buttons done up as if he felt a chill even in the morning sun.