But how?
“Rook...?” Laura shifted closer. “Rook...are you okay?”
“What?” I shook my head. “Yes, of course. I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”
Why did I feel guilty for being medicated on his blood? Why did I stiffen with the need to hoard every one of Lucien’s secrets?
She didn’t look like she believed me.
Silence stretched before she murmured, “Now that Lucien’s killed Evelyn, he’s exterminated all the girls who claimed they were here to murder him.” She fiddled with the blanket. “The only girls left are those trying to sleep with him or the other three mistakes like us.”
Her fear gave me something else to think about.
“Don’t worry, he won’t hurt us,” I said, conviction loud in my tone. “You’re not next now he’s killed the others.”
“But how can you be sure?” She shuddered. “He looked pretty pleased with himself leaving your place. Why would he stop now that he’s halfway done?”
I dropped my legs over the edge of the bed, amazed that even my headache had faded to barely noticeable levels. “I’m sure because he’s not bloodthirsty for the sake of it.” I glanced at the door, wondering where he’d gone.
Why hadn’t he been the one to wake me up?
Was he suffering on his own?
I need to find him.
Laura never took her eyes off me, her voice slightly shrill. “You say that like you trust him.”
“I do,” I said too fast to censor, too quick for lies to form. “I mean...he’s not at all like he appears.”
“Is that so.”
I stiffened at her inquisitive tone. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
She stiffened and looked away.
“Laura?” I frowned. “What’s wrong? What did you see?”
She nibbled on her bottom lip as if trying to avoid telling me.
“Is it Lucien?” My heart slammed into speed. “Is he hurt? Do you know what happened to—?”
“If he’s not hurt, he deserves to be.” Her chin arched into the sky. “I’ll happily teach him what happens to men who take liberties with unconscious women. He’s no better than an asshole who spikes a girl’s drink and rapes—”
“Whoa, what?” I grabbed her hand. “What do you mean?”
She glanced at where I touched her. She shivered then slouched as if the confession actually hurt. “I saw him.” Her gaze met mine, slightly panicked. “I saw him kissing you. You were unconscious, Rook, but he kissed you. He...he—” Her stare dropped to my powder blue pyjamas and breasts beneath. “He touched you.”
My entire body erupted in goosebumps.
And not for the right reasons.
Not because he’d taken advantage of me but because...
He’d finally given in.
After fighting the attraction between us all this time, he’d waited until I was comatose to finally snap.
What sort of man did that?
Why couldn’t he have waited until I was coherent enough to enjoy it...or at least reciprocate?
I rubbed the heel of my palm against my left breast, right over my heart.
Had he touched me here?
Did he...did he like it?
“You...” She scowled. “You don’t seem offended by this.”
I swallowed hard, my cheeks pinking as I dropped my hand.
I struggled to form a reply, but she beat me to it. “You have feelings for him.”
I sucked in a breath, the barest of twinges in my temples. “Oh, there’s feelings alright.”
She sighed heavily. “And do you think that’s a good idea?”
“Nope.” I laughed.
She cracked a smile despite herself.
We didn’t speak before she murmured, “Well, regardless of your feelings for him, he definitely has them for you. You should’ve seen the way he looked at you. The way he kissed you. He looked like he was seconds away from tearing your clothes off like a horny Prince Charming, intent on waking up Sleeping Beauty by poking her with his ‘sword’. And by sword, I mean penis.”
A snort escaped me. “That certainly paints a vivid picture.”
A picture that would get me into far too much trouble.
She tipped her head back with a groan. “Oh my God, you’re so screwed. You just went all gooey-eyed at the thought of him having his wicked way with you while you were unconscious. That’s not normal. Neither is the fact that he killed two girls in your pavilion.”
My heart did a stupid skip.
The truth fell from me quietly, “They were going to murder me. Lucien arrived just in time.”
“Oh...” She slouched. “So what you’re saying is he’s madly in love with you and the rest of us can go home now?”
I smiled almost sadly. “Ugh, wouldn’t that be great?”
“The being in love with you part or being able to go home part?”
I pressed my lips together, trying to prevent myself from answering but a single word fell from me anyway. “Both.”
God, how had this happened?
How had my crush turned into this?
It forced me to accept the unacceptable because one, my discomfort levels were considerably eased—proving once again, somehow, someway, Lucien’s blood was different to all the rest of us.
Two, he’d come for me, protected me, killed for me...
And three...regardless of what his true feelings were, I definitely had full-blown feelings for him, and I had absolutely no idea how all of this would end.
Chapter Forty-Nine
I STOOD ON THE ROOF, GLOWERING at the stars.
Freedom.
I’d wanted it for twenty years, but standing on the edge of it now, I wasn’t sure I would survive it.
Down below, the lights in the pavilion where I’d put Rook turned off, revealing she’d finally gone to sleep. A streak of ebony loped from her courtyard, returning to me after spending most of the night at her side.
I’d come up here the moment my pain had receded.
I’d stalked her from afar—watching as her friend left, Whisper visited, and I stayed alone in the dark.
I should be asleep and preparing for tomorrow but...I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
Couldn’t stop replaying the feel of her breast in my hand—the delicious fullness that didn’t feel like anything else.
I hurt.
But this time it was her fault, not the vitalsync core.
I could barely stay upright without clutching the parapet, thanks to heavily repressed urges surging past all my walls.
Ever since I’d hit puberty, I’d shut down any spark of sexuality. I’d refused to touch myself when my body made it abundantly clear it needed a release. I never watched the pornography that Marcus loaded on my tablet. And even skimmed past erotic scenes in books—not giving myself any chance to fuck up by giving in.
The longer I smothered those needs, the easier it was to pretend I didn’t have them.
Not one of the girls they gave me interested me.
I hadn’t found a single one of them attractive.
Until her.
She’d caused something to crack open inside me, and a monster had crawled out.
I should feel guilt for touching her without her consent.
I didn’t.
I should be disgusted that I’d kissed her with my blood.
I wasn’t.
I was hungry.
Fucking feral to finish what I’d never started. To abandon the only control I’d ever had and finally be with someone.
Which was why I was officially done with all of this.