“I am so screwed,” she said, dabbing at her neck.
That managed to dim his smile a little. “Why do you say that?” He crossed over and seated himself beside her so their shoulders brushed.
She was dressed like a professional vampire hunter. Black cargo pants that resembled military fatigues with lots of loops and pockets for weapons and ammo rode low on her hips and fit her legs loosely. A black tank top clung to her narrow waist and full breasts in damp patches. New black boots fit her small feet snugly and, he feared, rubbed blisters as she broke them in.
The tote bag carrying her clothing had been destroyed in the fire, so she had had to make do with what she could find here at what she called “David’s Estate.”
Since he never knew when an immortal or one of the network’s humans might drop by, David had made it a habit to keep a supply of men’s and women’s clothing on hand for any in need. Immortals’clothing tended to end up torn and blood-spattered after a confrontation with a vamp. Bloodstains were more difficult to discern on black material, often appearing as simply indeterminate wet splotches, so everything in David’s take-what-you-need wardrobe was black and suitable for combat. Everything except the underwear that was still in new, sealed packages. It was bright white.
Sarah looked great in black. Her pale skin seemed almost to glow in comparison where it wasn’t flushed from her exertions.
“I totally suck at this,” she complained.
He looked at her in surprise. “No, you don’t. I was just thinking that you seem to have a natural talent for it.”
She eyed him dubiously.
Roland tucked a damp curl behind her ear. “I’ve trained many immortals who didn’t learn as fast as you do.”
“I didn’t know you trained other immortals. I thought you preferred solitude.”
“Seth doesn’t always give me a choice in the matter. Sometimes he just pops in, drops some poor sod off, says ‘train him,’ then leaves before I can offer any protest.”
She smiled wryly. “And now you’re stuck training me.”
He drew the backs of his fingers down her warm, damp cheek. “Training you is a pleasure. I told you, you’re a natural. I have not enjoyed myself so much in a very long time.” He sent her a wicked grin. “At least not fully clothed.”
She laughed.
“Why are you so convinced you did poorly?”
“When you attacked me and tested me, you were holding yourself back.”
“I want you to learn the moves and grow comfortable with them before I come at you in earnest with preternatural speed and strength.”
“But you will come at me in earnest, right? Soon?”
“Yes, if you promise to let me heal the bruises or other injuries that will result.”
“Ro-land.”
“Sarah, please,” he said somberly, taking one of her hands in his. “I’m not simply mouthing platitudes when I say I can’t bear to see you hurt. I care about you. It’s going to be very … difficult for me to train you in earnest, knowing I risk hurting you when my every instinct is screaming at me to protect you. I won’t be able to do it unless you assure me I can heal you if anything happens.”
He couldn’t read her expression as she gazed up at him, nibbling her lower lip.
“Okay, you can heal me.”
The tension that had been slowly gathering in his shoulders vanished. “Thank you.”
Raising her free hand, she drew the soft pads of her fingers across his forehead, down his temple, over his cheekbone, and along his jaw in a tender caress that sped his pulse.
“Do you know how easy it would be for me to fall in love with you?” she whispered.
Roland closed his eyes. How could he feel elated and as if his heart were breaking at the same time? “That would be very unwise,” he told her softly.
“Because you don’t feel the same?”
Opening his eyes, he brought the hand he held to his lips for a fervent kiss and shook his head. “No, sweetling. I fear you may have stolen my heart in the first twenty-four hours we were together.”
“Shouldn’t that be a good thing? If we both feel the same way…”
“If I were human, it would be wonderful. We could fall in love with light hearts, marry, have children, grandchildren, grow old together, live happily ever after, and die. But I’m not human, Sarah. I’m immortal. My body will never age. I will remain exactly as I am now while you grow old. And, in time, you would become bitter and doubt my feelings for you.”
She stared down at their clasped hands. “Maybe I wouldn’t.”
He smiled sadly. “If so, you would be the first. There have been other immortals who have loved humans.”
Pulling his hand onto her lap, she toyed with his fingers. “Even if I didn’t, I would still grow old and die.”
He remained quiet, letting her ponder it.
“I would probably come to feel like a chain around your neck. A strong young—at least physically—man tied to a dying old woman.”
“You see how it would be,” he murmured, full of regret. “And I couldn’t give you children.”
“Did the transformation leave you sterile?”
“That’s what we all believed since even those who wished to reproduce with their human lovers were unable to. However, our scientists have come to understand—”
“You have scientists?”
“Both human and immortal, learning everything they can about the virus. How it works. Researching a cure and, barring that, some way to force the virus to mutate in vampires the way it has in us so that we can end their madness and bloodlust.”
“Have you had any luck with that?”
“None so far.”
“What about the fertility problem?”
“We aren’t sterile, but we may as well be. With our males, the virus dramatically decreases the lifespan of our sperm.” He paused uncertainly. “Are you sure you want to hear this?”
“Yes, I want to know everything.”
So be it. “Normally sperm can live inside a woman’s body for up to five days. Ours, however, die pretty much as soon as we ejaculate. Because of the strange symbiotic relationship we have with the virus, it dies with the sperm before the woman can become infected, which is why I haven’t been using condoms.”
“What about immortal women? Can they get pregnant?”
“No, the virus present in the eggs their bodies produce attacks and kills the sperm of human males.”
“And if she sleeps with an immortal?”
“We believe that, if circumstances are optimal, pregnancy could result.” He sighed, reluctant to continue. But she had asked and she should know it all. “In truth, we’re uncertain how the virus would affect a fetus. Or a baby if it were carried to term and delivered. Would the child of two immortals age or remain forever trapped in the form of an infant? Immortal females are always conscious of the time they ovu-late and, when they do, refrain from engaging in intercourse with immortal males for fear of the consequences.”
Her brow furrowed. “So, no children.”
“No children.”
How he wished he could give her children, watch her body swell with his babe, have a tiny replica of Sarah skipping through their home.
Sarah raised her chin and met his gaze. “If the trade-off is having you, Roland, I wouldn’t need children to be happy.”
His heart skipped a beat. “What are you saying?”
“What if you transformed me?”
Stunned, Roland almost forgot to breathe. “You would let me?”
She opened her mouth to speak, paused, then sighed. “I don’t know. All of this is happening so quickly. I want to say yes. But considering what’s at stake, I think I should take more time to think about it.”