“All right,” Freedman said, and brightened the lights in the viewing room.
The lights in Mrs. Rhine's living room darkened until they could see her only in silhouette. “Welcome to my home, Dr. Rafelson,” she said.
“I was pleased to get your message,” Kaye said.
Freedman folded her arms and stood back.
“Christopher Dicken used to bring flowers,” Mrs. Rhine said. Her movements were awkward, jerky. “I can't have flowers now. Once a week I have to go into a little closet and they send a robot in here to scrub everything. They have to get rid of all the little house-dust things. Fungus and bacteria and such that might grow from old flakes of skin. They can kill me now, if they build up in here.”
“I appreciated the letter you sent me.”
“The Web is my life, Kaye. If I may call you Kaye.”
“Of course.”
“I seem to know you, Christopher has spoken of you so often. I don't get too many visitors now. I've forgotten how to react to real people. I type on my clean little keyboard and travel all around the world, but I never go anywhere or touch or see anything, really. I thought I had gotten used to it, but then I just got angry again.”
“I can imagine,” Kaye said.
“Tell me what you imagine, Kaye,” Mrs. Rhine said, head jerking.
“I imagine you feel robbed.”
The dark shadow nodded. “My whole family. That's why I wrote to you. When I read what happened to your husband, to your daughter, I thought, she's not just a scientist, or a symbol of a movement, or a celebrity. She's like me. But of course you canget them back, someday.”
“I am always trying to get back my daughter,” Kaye said. “We still search for her.”
“I wish I could tell you where she is.”
“So do I,” Kaye said, swallowing within the hood. The air flow in the stiff isolation suit was not the best.
“Have you read Karl Popper?” Mrs. Rhine asked.
“No, I never have,” Kaye said, and arranged a plastic wrinkle around her midriff. She noticed then that the suit was patched with something like duct tape. This distracted her for a moment; she had heard that funding had been cut, but she had not fully realized the implications.
“. . . says that a whole group of philosophers and thinkers, including him, regard the self as a social appurtenance,” Mrs. Rhine said. “If you are raised away from society, you do not develop a full self. Well, I am losing my self. I feel uncomfortable using the personal pronoun. I would go mad, but I . . . this thing I am . . .” She stopped. “Marian, I need to speak with Kaye privately. At least let me believe nobody is listening or recording us.”
“I'll check with the technician.” Freedman spoke briefly with the safety technician. She then moved gingerly out of the viewing room, the umbilical coiling behind her. The door closed.
“Why are you here?” Mrs. Rhine asked in a low voice, barely audible. Kaye could see the reflections in the woman's eyes from the brighter lights behind the glass.
“Because of your message. And because I thought it was time that I meet you.”
“You're not here to reassure me that they'll find a cure? Because some people come through here and say that and I hate it.”
“No,” Kaye said.
“Why, then? Why speak with me? I send e-mail letters to lots of people. I don't think most of them get through. I'm surprised you got yours, actually.”
Marian Freedman had made sure of that.
“You wrote that you felt you were getting smarter and more distant,” Kaye said, “but you were losing your self.” She stared at the shadowy figure in the dark room. The eczema had gotten very bad, so Kaye had been told in the briefing before joining Marian Freedman. “I'd like to hear more,” Kaye said.
Suddenly, Mrs. Rhine leaned forward. “I know why you're here,” she said, her voice rising.
“Why?” Kaye asked.
“We've both had the virus.”
A moment's silence.
“I don't get you,” Kaye said softly.
“Ascetics sit on pillars of rock to avoid human touch. They wait for God. They go mad. That is me. I'm Saint Anthony, but the devils are too smart to waste their time gibbering at me. I am already in hell. I don't need them to remind me. I have changed. My brain feels bigger but it's also like a big warehouse filled with empty boxes. I read and try to fill up the boxes. I was so stupid, I was just a breeder, the virus punished me for being stupid, I wanted to live so I took the pig tissue inside of me and that was forbidden, wasn't it? I'm not Jewish but pigs are powerful creatures, very spiritual, don't you think? I am haunted by them. I've read some ghost stories. Horror stories. Very scary, about pigs. I'm talking a mile a minute, I know. Marian listens, the others listen, but it's a chore for them. I scare them, I think. They wonder how long I'll last.”
Kaye's stomach was so tense she could taste the acid in her throat. She felt so much for the woman beyond the glass, but could not think of anything to say or do to comfort her. “I'm still listening,” she said.
“Good,” Mrs. Rhine said. “I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to die soon. I can feel it in my blood. So will you, though maybe not so soon.”
Mrs. Rhine stood and walked around the overturned and shrouded couch.
“I have these nightmares. I escape from here somehow and walk around and touch people, trying to help, and I just end up killing everybody. Then, I visit with God . . . and I make Him sick. I kill God. The devil says to Him, ‘I told You so.’ He's mocking God while's He's dying, and I say, Good for you.”
“Oh,” Kaye said, swallowing. “That isn't the way it is. It isn't going to be that way.”
Mrs. Rhine waved her arms at the window. “You can't possibly understand. I'm tired.”
Kaye wanted to say more, but could not.
“Go now, Kaye,” Carla Rhine insisted.
Kaye sipped a cup of coffee in Marian Freedman's small office. She was crying so hard her shoulders were shaking. She had held back while removing the suit and showering, while taking the elevator, but now, it could not be stopped. “That wasn't good,” she managed to say between sobs. “I didn't handle that at all well.”
“Nothing we do matters, not for Carla,” Freedman said. “I don't know what to say to her, either.”
“I hope it won't set her back.”
“I doubt it,” Freedman said. “She is strong in so many ways. That's part of the cruelty. The others are quiet. They have their habits. They're like hamsters. Forgive me, but it's true. Carla is different.”
“She's become sacred,” Kaye said, straightening in the plastic chair and taking another Kleenex from the floral box on Freedman's desk. She wiped her eyes and shook her head.
“Not sacred,” Freedman insisted, irritated. “Cursed, maybe.”
“She says she's dying.”
Freedman looked at the far wall. “She's producing new types of retroviruses, very together, elegant little things, not the patchwork monstrosities she used to make. They don't contain any pig genes whatsoever. None of these new viruses are infectious, or even pathogenic, as far as we can tell, but they're really playing hell with her immune system. The other ladies . . . the same.”
Marian Freedman focused on Kaye. Kaye studied her dark, drained eyes with a growing sense of dismay.
“Last time Christopher Dicken was through here, he worked with me on some samples,” Freedman said. “In less than a year, maybe only a few months, we think all our ladies will start showing symptoms of multiple sclerosis, possibly lupus.” Freedman worked her lips, fell silent, but kept looking at Kaye.
“And?” Kaye said.
“He thinks the symptoms have nothing to do with pig-tissue transplants. The ladies may just be accelerated a little. Mrs. Rhine could be the first to experience post-SHEVA syndrome, a side effect of SHEVA pregnancy. It could be pretty bad.”
Kaye let that information sink in, but could not find any emotion to attach to it—not after seeing Carla Rhine. “Christopher didn't tell me.”