But instead, I lean across his chest and kiss the key necklace. “Do you still want me to have this?”
“You can have each and every part of me.”
I know what part he is specifically referring to and it's safe to say that it’s not his heart.
I roll off the bed, grab my shorts, and pull them on. He's watching me, so I throw him his shorts before he can get any ideas.
He slides on his shorts, sits on his desk chair, and pulls me onto his lap before I have a chance to find my bra.
“Does that mean you're ready for my heart? Are you in love with me?”
I run my hands through his gorgeous dark hair and sigh. “I’m not sure about the whole love thing yet, but I like you a lot, Dawson, and I don't want anyone else kissing you or doing anything else with you.”
“Keatie, are you asking me out?” he asks playfully, as he tickles my sides.
I giggle and squirm. “No!” I scream a little too loudly, which causes Jake to burst through the bathroom door.
“What’s wrong now?” He has a freaked out look on his face. “God, I thought Dawson died or something.”
I push my still naked chest into Dawson's, trying to cover myself up.
Jake says, “She said no, bro. No means no.”
They both laugh hysterically.
“What’s so funny?”
“Inside joke,” Dawson says.
Jake agrees. “Yeah, old joke from freshman year. Back when we were both virgins.”
I laugh. I love their friendship.
Jake pulls a red bra off his bathroom counter and swings it by the strap. No wonder I couldn't find it.
“This belong to you, Monroe?” he asks with a smirk.
Dawson laughs heartily and buries his head in my shoulder.
I want to say no, but it's a new bra and I want it back. I sheepishly nod.
“And what exactly was it doing in the hall?”
“I’ll let you two discuss that after I leave. I'm gonna go back to my dorm and change for dinner.”
I cover my boobs with one arm and grab the bra out of Jake's hand with the other. Then I grab one of Dawson's sweatshirts off the pile at the end of his bed and pull it over my head.
Dawson motions for Jake to leave and pulls me into a hug. He gently touches my cheek with the back of his hand and looks sweetly into my eyes. “I love you, Keatie." He adds quickly, “Don't say it back. I'm glad you're ready for the key. And I do want you to go out with me, but I want to ask properly.”
“Properly? Does that mean I get more naked chests?”
He kisses me. “Only my naked chest. Whenever you want.” He pulls me in tighter for a steamier kiss. “God, you're hot. I don't know how I got so fucking lucky. So, tomorrow, we'll go out for dinner. Just the two of us.”
“That sounds nice," I say.
He smacks my butt in response. “Hurry and go change. I'm starving.”
Promise not to freak.
10pm
After the game, the girls are hanging out in my room. Annie is practically bouncing off the walls.
"Can you believe Ace asked me?" She holds her phone to her chest and dances with it. “Can you believe he was sitting right next to me at the game and asked me on Facebook? It was so cool. I about died when I read the notification!”
“You also screamed out loud!” Maggie laughs.
“I know. I’m sure people just thought I was cheering about the game. But, whatever, I have a bigger concern now.”
“What’s that?” I ask.
“I need a great dress. I don't really like the dress I picked out with my mom. It's black and conservative. All of a sudden, I want to be one of those girls."
Maggie stops texting whoever she is texting. "One of what girls?"
"You know, the kind of girl that gets a pink sparkly dress. The kind of girl that feels like a princess when she goes to the dance. Not the kind of girl to wear the black shapeless dress her mother bought. The kind of girl that's going to make out on the dance floor and not care about getting in trouble."
"Damn," I say. "Ace has got you all messed up."
She spins around again. "I know. Isn't love amazing?"
"Love?" Maggie, Katie, and I all say at the same time.
Now I'm lying in bed thinking about love. About how to know when you’re in love. None of the girls have much experience with love, so I can't really ask them for advice.
I grab my phone, go into the stairwell, and call Mom.
"Hey, sweetie," she answers. "How's my girl?"
"I'm good, but I have a question. How do you know when it's the right time to tell someone that you love them?"
"I suppose you would want to tell them when you feel it."
"Yeah, but feelings are tricky."
“You like this Dawson a lot, huh? Are you thinking about telling him? Has he said it?"
"He has. And I feel really bad for not saying it back."
"Well, why didn't you say it back?"
"Because I'm not sure what love is."
"Then you probably aren't ready to say it."
"But I feel like I love him. It's just hard to admit. It opens you up to more hurt. And Brooklyn said it to me all the time and he—look Mom, I need to tell you the truth about something. I hate lying to you."
"What are you lying about?" she says in a tone that makes me know she's panicking.
"Promise me you won't freak."
She makes a little sniffle noise. I can tell she's doing that thing where she takes a deep breath in through her nose when she's trying to stay calm. "I promise I won't freak. No, that's a lie. I'm already freaking because you just made me promise not to freak. Which means you think I will freak. So, now I am.”
"Over Labor Day weekend, Brooklyn had a tournament in New York. I went to see him."
"Keatyn! All we've done to try and keep you safe and you went to a scheduled event? What if Vincent had been there?"
"He was there, Mom."
"What?! Why don't I know about this? What happened?"
"I saw him. He didn't see me. I'm fine. I got out of there. But I need to tell you about B. What he did."
Mom takes a deep breath. “Tell me that you won’t try to see him again."
"I won't. You don't have to worry. I just never thought Vincent would go that far to try and find me. It’s still hard to believe.”
"I know, sweetheart," she says gently. "This is all pretty unbelievable. But please, don't make any mistakes. I love you. That's the only reason I even agreed to this plan. I wanted you to be able to have a somewhat normal life."
"I want a normal life too. Do you think sometime I could come there? Like spur of the moment, no one knows kind of thing. Like even you would be surprised?"
"If no one knows you’re coming, there is no way Vincent could know. But if he found out you were here, I'd be worried about getting you back safely."
"Yeah, that's true," I say defeatedly.
"So, back to love," Mom says. I can tell by the way her voice shakes that she's getting choked up.
"So when B asked me to come see him, he told me that he still loved me. He talked about us, you know, doing things sexually that weekend. How me missed me. All that."
"And so you went . . ."
"And while I was there, he snuck into a cabana and had a quickie with a groupie."
“Really? That just doesn’t sound like something Brook would do.”
“Well, he did. He told me he had to take care of something but looked all sneaky about it. I followed him. Watched him meet the girl. Watched her drag him into the cabana. Stood there for about five minutes and watched them both come out still sort of getting dressed."
"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry. I know that you loved him."
"You know, Mom. You taught me all about protection and how not to get pregnant, but never once did you teach me how to protect my heart."
"That's because you can't protect your heart. Your heart feels what it feels. Your brain helps you decide if that person is worthy of your love."
"So you can love someone who’s wrong for you?"
"Of course. Your heart is capable of loving lots of different people in lots of different ways. The way you will love your children is different from how you love your pets. The way you love the man you marry is going to be different than the love you felt for an old boyfriend."