“Well, yeah, just a little. Like, I touched it.”
We all scream and laugh.
“And?” I say.
“It seems very big. I didn’t realize they get so big. I can NOT imagine that thing inside me.”
Maggie hoots, “Oh, it will fit just fine. Are you thinking about doing it with him?”
“Well, I mean, I have thought about it. I’m not ready yet, but I’ve thought about it.”
“Trust me on this,” I say to her very seriously. “Wait. Wait until you think you can’t wait any longer. And then wait some more.”
“I’m surprised to hear you say that,” Katie says. “I thought you would encourage her because it was so great with Dawson.”
“It was great with Dawson. Sex stuff feels good. It can be great, but I think it makes you feel like you are sort of in love with the person. I think maybe Dawson thought he loved me because that part of our relationship was really exciting. But then when it came down to it, he didn’t really love me. Same with my ex. He said he loved me, we did it, and then he didn’t even respect me enough to not basically screw someone else in front of me. I think if I ever do it again, it’s going to be with a boy that I know loves me.”
Annie says, “But that’s the problem, isn’t it? The knowing.”
“Yes, that’s the problem.”
“So, I should wait?”
“You should definitely wait.”
“So, what are you going to do about Dawson?”
“He wants to talk tonight.” I hold my hands up in the air. “What is there to talk about?”
“Didn’t you read all his Facebook statuses while you were gone?” Annie asks. “If I were Whitney, I’d feel like complete shit. Everyone knew she wanted to get back together with him, and then he posted all those statuses.”
“What statuses? I haven’t looked at Facebook since I pressed the single button.”
“I think you should read them,” Annie says gently. “Actually, let’s read them together.”
She grabs her laptop and pulls up Dawson’s profile page. “Do you want to read them, or shall I read them to you?”
“Read them out loud, so we can figure out what they mean.”
“Okay, we’ll start on Friday night. After you left, he said, So confused. Then later that night, I really screwed up, and then there is a little broken heart. Aww, that’s so sad. Okay, so then I think this must have been after he saw the video. Just threw my computer across the room, shattered it. Going to kill my brother. Then at like two in the morning, he wrote on your wall, Keatie, I’m sorry. I love you. You didn’t comment, but some people did. Jake said, F you. Dallas said, Heard you liked the video. I said, Heart you, Keatyn.”
“Aw, that was sweet, Annie.”
“Let’s see. Then on Saturday after I know they had lunch together, he posted, I miss my Keatie.
Maggie says, “If I was Whitney, that would have made me feel like crap.”
Okay, so then he posted on your wall again. I miss you and another broken heart. Then we all know that he and Whitney were at the party together. Apparently, when he got home from that he posted, The past is history. Then on Sunday. Counting down the hours until I can apologize in person. Then Sunday night. Love sucks.”
“Wow. What do you all think that means?”
“It means he realized quickly that he screwed up. He was upset, but he still tried with Whitney, and it didn’t work,” Annie says.
“Plus, he knew she would read his status, and he didn’t care,” Katie says, defending Dawson. “They were all about you. I think you should take him back. He just made a mistake.”
My phone vibrates. “It’s him.” I laugh. “His ears must be burning.”
Dawson: I thought of something.
Me: Huh?
Dawson: You told me we’d have nothing to talk about. I thought of something we could talk about.
Me: I just read all your Facebook posts from this weekend.
Dawson: We could talk about that. I’m out for a walk, wanna join me?
Me: I’m at Annie’s dorm and I look like crap. Be prepared.
I walk out, and Dawson says, “Casual, yes. Crap, no.” He snakes his arm around my waist. “You always come out here with practically nothing on, then I have to give you my sweatshirt.”
“Oh, sorry, I, um, I’ll run back in and grab one.”
“No, you’re not. I love seeing you wear my clothes.” He pulls his sweatshirt off over his head and pulls it down over mine. “This feels familiar,” he says, then pulls the hoodie strings toward him.
“Did you really know right away you screwed up? Like before you even hung out with her?”
“I told you, the second you were gone, I knew I made a mistake. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You’re the last person I’d want to hurt.”
“And after you hung out with her, when you said the past is history. What did you mean by that?”
“I meant that she’s part of my past, not my future. You are my future. Well, I hope you are. Keatie, I love you.”
“Please don’t say that.”
“Will you give me another chance?”
“I don’t know.”
“Can we start over?”
“I don’t know, Dawson. Maybe. If we go anywhere, we’d have to go back to the beginning.”
He gives me a sexy grin. “Our beginning was pretty amazing.”
I lean in and give him a kiss on the cheek. “I have to get back in there.”
I go back inside and tell the girls about what he said. We dissect the entire conversation and consider the pros and cons of getting back together with him. And even though they come up with a lot of pros, I know I can’t do it.
At least, not yet.
My phone buzzes.
Aiden: I’m in the library. You’re not here.
Me: You’re gonna have to go it alone tonight. I’m not up for it.
Aiden: Just come talk to me.
Me: I have no makeup on. My hair is a mess. I’m not going anywhere.
Aiden: Then I’m coming to you.
Me: No.
Aiden: You missed the monthly birthday celebration at dinner tonight. I have cake for you. Double layer chocolate.
Me: Fine. But I’m warning you. I look scary. And I’m at Annie’s dorm.
Aiden: I can handle it. And I know. Meet me outside.
“Aiden is bringing me cake. I have to run outside.”
“You can’t see him with no makeup. Quick, put some on.”
“Naw, I don’t care.”
Annie says, “You must be really upset about Dawson if you don’t care.”
“I am really upset about Dawson.”
“Don’t forget to apologize to him,” she says, as she walks me to the door.
“So, cake, huh?”
“Come here.” Aiden takes my hand like it’s the most normal thing in the world and leads me over to a bench that is just off to the side of the entrance to Annie’s dorm. He spreads a napkin across my lap, takes the plastic wrap off the cake, sets it on my lap, and hands me a fork. “Dig in.”
I take a big bite.
I look like shit, I’m not gonna impress him with my manners either.
“Oh. Wow. Oh, yuuummm. This is goooood cake.”
“Told ya.”
I take another forkful and hold it up to his mouth.
He opens his mouth, so I give him a bite. “It is really good, but I already had a piece. This is for you.”
“Why did you get me cake, Aiden?”
He touches my index finger with his. Runs it slowly up my hand. “I saw you weren’t at dinner. Thought it’d be nice. Is it not nice?”
I take another bite, almost groan in ecstasy, and then say, “It’s very nice. But a lot of girls missed dinner. Did you get them all cake?”