He glanced up at her, all earnestness and remorse. “What do you want me to say that has not already been said?” he asked. “That we are dispensable pawns in a game we cannot understand?”
“Aren’t we, Damon? Haven’t we always known that, you and I?”
“Yes,” he said heavily. “We are pawns, Alexia, one way or another. But I still have my duty, as you do. I must do it as best I can.”
“And so must I.”
“You will not return to the Enclave?”
The very fact that he had to ask that question again was testament to how little he knew her.
“You’d like to get rid of me, wouldn’t you? Maybe you didn’t kill Michael, but you’re glad he was cooperative enough to die.”
He jumped to his feet, the knife clenched in his fist. “So my honesty has led you to decide that I really would have harmed you or your partner to keep you away from the colony?”
She glared at him. “Wouldn’t you?”
“Have you forgotten that I know as well as the Expansionists do that Aegis would investigate your disappearance?”
“And that’s always been your motive, hasn’t it?”
“No,” he said in a very low voice. “I once said I would never harm you, and I swear by the Blood of the Sires that is still true.”
“Oaths. Promises.” Alexia turned away, feeling as though her bones had melted and her body was filled with air, ready to collapse like a balloon pricked by a pin. “They mean nothing.”
“You no longer believe...I care for you?”
“What do you think, Damon?”
For an endless span of time all she could hear was his breathing, harsh and heavy.
“I’m sorry, Alexia.”
Sorry. What idiot had thought up such an inadequate word? “Maybe it is time we parted ways. I’ll continue with my mission, and you can do whatever it is you think you need to.” She released a sharp, angry breath. “I guess that would be reporting what you’ve learned back to Erebus, since you won’t have me to worry about. That is, of course, unless you intend to stop me. Just be aware that I’ll try to kill you if you do.”
“Alexia.”
She wanted to hold her hands over her ears and babble like a child. “There’s nothing more to say.”
“There is. We have no idea how long the effects of my blood will continue to sustain your body. If you go it alone, you may find it suddenly betraying you.”
Alexia swung around to face him, eyes wide. “Are you actually suggesting we should do it again?” She nearly choked when she realized what she had just said. “Take your blood, I mean?”
The ghost of a smile crossed his shadowed face. “Surely you had already considered that possibility, Agent Fox,” he said.
Oh, yes. It had crossed her mind, and she’d quickly erased it again.
“Maybe the one time was enough,” she said quickly. “Maybe I’ll find the patch.”
“Alone?”
He was right, of course. The odds were incalculably against it. She didn’t know her way around this part of the Zone, and they were probably surrounded by enemy agents.
“There is no telling how long your current condition will last,” Damon said, pushing his advantage. “Are you as prepared to die as you were before?”
He was taunting her now. Somehow he knew that her life had become important to her again, something to be guarded and cherished.
“I’m prepared to take my chances,” she said, pulling her arms tight across her chest.
“Even though your mission may die along with you?”
As useless as it was, she longed to hit him again, smash his handsome nose and bloody his lip. But then she saw the healing gashes on his face, the wrist he still moved so gingerly, and was deeply ashamed.
“What do you want?” she asked, turning her back on him.
“I propose a truce.”
“Like the one you offered when we met?”
He cleared his throat. “I will not lie to you again.”
“Never?”
His silence told her all she needed to know. She went to gather her things.
“Never, Alexia,” he said quietly.
She stopped. This was the moment of decision. She knew she should never trust him again, that just being with him would create an open wound that could never heal.
That was her problem. But what about his? What about his shadow-self? It was still a complete mystery to her. She had no idea how long it had been part of him, if his masters knew about it, when it would arise again. He didn’t seem to remember his spells, but she had seen the pain and confusion in his eyes after they were over.
Could she find some way to help him if she stayed with him? Or would she only make it worse? How could she possibly know?
Only by refusing to leave him. Accepting that he lied to her over and over again.
Lowering her arms, she felt the bulge of something under her jacket and remembered what she had hidden there.
What about your lies? she asked herself. The communicator seemed to burn like a hot coal inside her jacket, though it gave off no warmth at all. She still didn’t know why Michael hadn’t told her about it before he’d left. Why had Aegis entrusted it to him, and not her?
Signal, he’d said. Was he saying he’d received a signal, or had sent one? Did he want her to complete some task his transformation had made impossible? Had he been part of a plan to remove all the humans in the colony? Was Damon’s theory really so crazy after all?
If it was true, then she had been much more a pawn than she ever could have imagined. But she didn’t dare take the time to try to track Michael down and see if she could communicate with him again...if he was even willing to be found.
I’m sorry, Michael, she thought. So very sorry.
But she wasn’t sorry about keeping this secret from Damon until she felt she could trust him again. If that was even possible.
“What did you have in mind as the next move?” she asked.
If Damon was relieved by her reasonable tone, he didn’t let on. He bent to retrieve the sheath of his knife, flexing his wrist in a way that suggested it had nearly healed, and slid the blade in.
“The center of everything is the colony,” he said, his voice turning brisk and businesslike. “We could hunt for other Expansionist agents and attempt to learn more from them, but there is no guarantee we would find them, or be able to defeat them if we did. We cannot go to Erebus. If we are to obtain useful information, we must approach the settlement directly.”
“You’re suggesting making a move without instructions from your Council,” she said.
“Up until now, everything you’ve done could conceivably be justified as being within the parameters of your assignment, even telling me what you were really sent to do. But what you’re proposing isn’t anywhere in those orders, is it?”
She meant the question to mock him, hurt him...if he could be hurt by something as small as her words. But when he spoke, his voice was unmistakably humble.
“No,” he said. “It isn’t. Nor, as you have said, is it in yours. Perhaps it is time these pawns became knights.”
Slowly she turned to face him, caught unaware by a foolish and very dangerous undercurrent of pride. And yearning.
More than mere yearning. It was the need to be with him again, in every way. To feel him on her, inside her, just as if nothing had changed.
But if she gave in again, if she let herself be driven by passion, she would almost certainly pay a price she could never afford.
“There’s still a good chance that at least one set of gunmen was from the colony,” she said, her voice not quite steady. “Even if they didn’t steal the patch, they may still be shooting at anything that moves.”