His accent is completely gone. He has the part down. He even says “fuck” the way I told him my uncle used to say it. I remember my uncle saying it so clearly. It always sounded more like fck, than fuck. My parents never swore and my uncle stayed on his best behavior around them. But he’d slip every now and then around me. I never swore—I went to an all-girls school where the nuns would have crucified us if we said “heck.” I still don’t.
“Considering the baggage between them, I have to say their chemistry is amazing.”
My head snaps toward Kay. “What do you mean ‘baggage’?”
“They dated for almost two years and then one day he just broke up with her and moved away.”
My heart seems to fail, my breathing stalls, and my mind wanders. I can’t see Jagger’s expression, but I really wish I could. Between the lines being recited and the thought of him with another woman—the gorgeous girl who has turned out to be his old girlfriend—everything around me fades away. Flashes of that morning in the rain come to mind. He saw her and never told me anything about it. He spoke to her. What else has he been doing with her? Red creeps up my face and spreads like fire through my body.
Jules as Madeline: I love you. Don’t say that.
Jagger as Ian: Madeline, I love you. You know that, but this is over.
His first words ring in my ears. The same three words he said to me yesterday, and it doesn’t seem like he’s acting. Oh my God, I really am the rebound girl.
“I wonder if she’ll pull a Carey Mulligan.”
All I can do is stare at her. The lump in my throat grows larger as I try to hold back my tears.
“Carey Mulligan as Daisy. They say she got that coveted role in The Great Gatsby because during her audition she just up and kissed Leonardo.”
My hand flies to my mouth. “Oh God.” My voice comes out almost unrecognizable to myself.
“Aerie, what’s the matter? I thought you’d be excited to see your uncle’s movie in the works. Who knows, those two,” she points to the table where raspberry jacket and blue vest are turned to us, “just might be the stars of No Led Zeppelin.”
“You know what, we should get back. Lunch is long over and we have work to do,” I say in a no-nonsense tone.
“I just want to see if they kiss.”
I can’t watch anymore. I don’t want to listen. I’m not even able to breathe. This morning’s revelations have been too much for me. I just found out that my uncle had a secret relationship that is being sensationalized for a movie, and now I find out Jagger and his ex-girlfriend are auditioning for those parts. “I’ll wait outside. I’m not sure we should be in here.”
Opening the door to the beautiful blue sky, I can finally breathe normally. Avon Street, the water tower, all the familiar landmarks are here, but I suddenly feel so incredibly lost. Sitting on the curb, I put my head between my legs and can’t stop the memory from pushing itself forward.
I was sixteen. Levi James was seventeen. I’d spent every summer with him for as long as I could remember—he lived next door to my uncle. His father was the co-host for Entertainment Today and was never home. His mother came from old money; she kept her maiden name, and occupied herself with charity work. We all spent a lot of time together. But the summer before, Levi had a girlfriend, and I didn’t care for her so I avoided him.
That last summer I was there, he had just broken up with her and I saw him in a way I never had. He seemed taller, more filled out. And when we spent time together, we both flirted, we gawked at each other—seeing him both thrilled me and terrified me.
He asked me to a concert, just the two of us. It was nothing unusual; we’d done things together many times. But this time he wanted to pick me up—it was a real date. My parents would have forbidden it, but Uncle Ian always said yes to anything I asked.
Levi and I shared a passion for music and that brought us closer. His band had just cut their first demo. That night he let me listen to it. He even gave me a copy of it before he leaned in to kiss me. He was my first kiss and I was on top of the world.
The next day Levi asked if I’d listened to his CD again. I told him I had. I told him I’d even let my uncle listen. He liked that. I told him my uncle was impressed. He liked that, too. Over the next week, we’d sneak out and our kissing turned into full-blown make out sessions. I even let him put his hands on my breasts and eventually inside my bathing suit top. Before I knew it, his hands wandered inside my pants. He would whisper words to me I hadn’t ever heard or used—make me horny, hot pussy, suckable tits. I have to admit—I liked it.
Then one night his parents were out and we skipped the movie we told my uncle we were going to. I hadn’t touched him ever, but that night he begged me to. I didn’t know how and I didn’t want to tell him that. We were on his couch watching MTV and our cuddling had turned into him groping me. For the first time, I let him take my clothes off. When he pressed my hand against the hardness sticking out of his shorts, it scared me. But then he guided my hand the way he wanted me to move it and my fears eased. When he told me how good it felt, I kept doing it.
Then he took his jeans off. It was dark and I couldn’t see him. We were both naked under a blanket and his fingers entered me. I wasn’t sure I liked it. He moved them and I wasn’t sure what to do. He was breathing hard and telling me how much he loved me. And when he asked me if I loved him, I nodded. I guessed I did. Then he asked me if I trusted him. I said I did. Before I knew it he was supporting himself with his left arm, kissing me softly, and his right hand was down at my pussy with his cock in it. He guided himself in without asking, but I’d have let him if he had. I liked the sounds he was making and knew my virginity would have to be taken eventually anyway. His thrusts felt awkward. The whole thing hurt and was uncomfortable. But I lay there and let him move in and out of me for what seemed like forever. He didn’t say a word. I wished he would reassure me. He didn’t wear a condom and I wasn’t on birth control—thank God I didn’t get pregnant.
He shoved the blanket off and moved faster. My breasts lay bare and I wanted to cover them. Then he made a noise I’d never heard him make and warmth spread everywhere. He lightly pecked my neck and stood up, leaving his sperm on me. I was disgusted.
I never told him he was my first, but he had to have known. When he pulled his pants back on, he handed me my clothes. “You better get dressed in case my parents come home early.”
For the next month, I let him do that same thing at least a dozen more times. Each time it was the same. I didn’t care that I didn’t feel anything. It didn’t hurt anymore and he really liked it. By then, Levi had a few paying gigs in LA and he was so happy. And that made me happy.
Time flew by and before I knew it, it was the night before I was scheduled to leave. We had said our goodbyes the day before knowing he wouldn’t be home until late. He was playing a gig somewhere. But I wanted to see him one last time, so I stayed up all night waiting for him. When the light finally went on in his room, I knew his parents would be asleep. His room was on the top floor, so I took the deck stairs and entered through the balcony door that he never locked. I had visions of a passionate goodbye, tears, and vows of love, but what I got was an image that I’ve never been able to forget—another girl sitting on his lap, facing away from him, both of them naked, his hands on her breasts, her knees bent sliding up and down over his cock. As if the picture wasn’t enough to break my heart, his words only hit me deeper. “That’s it. Don’t stop. I love it when you move like that. Fuck, I’m coming.”