“Please,” said Mallon. “I would like you to take the money. If this is her family, the whole search is over, and you’ve saved me whatever I would have spent hunting for them.”
She ventured a glance at the money, but she didn’t move. She studied Mallon. “Why are you doing this-any of it?”
He shrugged. “I suppose it’s because this is the only thing left that I can do for her. I had a chance to talk her out of it, but I didn’t think of the right thing to say. I feel sad about it. I wish you would take that money.”
“Why do you care whether I take the money?”
“So that somebody who showed compassion would get some small benefit out of it.” He took the bills from the counter and added some from his pocket. “I’m rich now, but there have been a couple of times when a few hundred bucks might have changed my life.” He folded the money, took her hand, and folded her fingers over it. He held the hand for a couple of extra seconds, until he felt her finger muscles tighten, then gently released it like a small bird. “Thanks for your help.” He turned and walked out the door.
Lydia said quietly, “We really aren’t from your company. And I really am a detective.” She pointed up at the tinted glass half-globe on the ceiling above the door. “Don’t forget to put a fresh tape in the security camera’s tape deck before you leave. You can lose the old one on the way home.”
The address belonged to a woman named Sarah Carlson. The house was a very small, narrow, two-story cottage painted a daffodil yellow with spotless white enamel trim. There was a small covered porch with a white railing that gleamed in the sunlight.
Lydia and Mallon stood on the porch listening to the soft footsteps moving toward the door. The woman who opened it was about thirty, with light skin and dark brown hair that she wore short, and Mallon knew that Sarah Carlson was not just a friend.
Lydia appeared not to have seen the resemblance. “Good afternoon. Are you Sarah Carlson?”
The woman looked at Lydia, then at Mallon through the closed screen door, and answered, “Yes.” The voice was like Catherine’s. It made Mallon feel the sadness again.
“My name is Lydia Marks, and this is Robert Mallon. Do you know Catherine Broward?”
She looked at them warily. “What is this about?”
Lydia said, “A few days ago, in Santa Barbara, California, Catherine Broward took her own life. We’re trying to find her family, and-”
Sarah Carlson was crying. It had begun at “took her,” the tears appearing in the eyes without the expression having time to change yet, so that it looked as though a cold wind had simply blown into her eyes and made them water. But then the eyes squinted, the shoulders came up in a cringe, the mouth quivering and the chin puckering before the hands could rise to her face to hide it. She began to wail, “Oh, no. Oh, no. No…”
Mallon watched, wondering. The girl he had saved had seemed to be healthy, smart, sure of herself. Now he could see that she’d had someone who had cared very deeply about her. He had heard or read somewhere, in the period after his sister’s death, that sometimes people killed themselves in order to punish someone-their families, usually. As he watched this young woman behind the screen sobbing, he reflected that if this was a punishment, it was incredibly effective. It was hard to imagine anything a stranger could have said to this woman that would have made her dissolve into sorrow this way. It occurred to him that what he was seeing was probably like watching himself thirty-three years ago-not the tears or the exact expressions, but the utter devastation.
He turned to Lydia, at first only to keep from staring cruelly at the woman. Lydia’s body was straight and rigid, her face solemn, but her eyes were in quick motion. She was looking past the woman, over and around her into the house, then to the left at the house beside hers, then to the right, and back at the woman. Now that she had temporarily forgotten the visitors, Lydia studied her pitilessly. After Lydia seemed to have exhausted the sights available to her, she asked, “Would you like us to come back later? We only need to ask a few questions. Her parents…”
Sarah Carlson forced herself to focus her attention on the two people still standing at her door. She raised her eyes toward them and seemed to see them as troublesome. She began to nod, but then appeared to remember something, or to discover it. “No, please,” she said. “Come in.”
She pushed the door open and held it, and it occurred to Mallon why Lydia’s offer had sounded so perfunctory and insincere to him. Lydia had known Sarah would not send them away. If she did, she would be left sitting alone in this house grieving, but knowing nothing about what had happened.
Mallon followed Lydia in and stood awkwardly beside her in the small living room. Mallon liked the room as much as he had liked the outside of the house. Built-in bookcases covered two of the walls, all filled tightly, but without pretense. There were old leatherbound volumes stuck in among paperbacks, sets of faded clothbound books that looked as though someone had reread them many times beside bright-jacketed books he recognized from recent visits to bookstores. The framed pictures on the walls were all interesting rather than merely decorative. There were a couple of miniature portraits of nineteenth-century people who didn’t seem to be famous and weren’t beautiful, a couple of color plates of ferns from some forgotten botany text.
She said, “I’m her sister. Carlson is my married name. Our parents are dead, so I’m all she had. Tell me what happened.”
Lydia glanced at Mallon. “Mr. Mallon spoke with her a few hours before she died. I think he can tell you more than I can.”
Mallon turned toward her to speak and felt alarm, but he took a breath and began, trying to say enough words to fill the void between them. He told the first part of his story honestly and fully, describing what had happened at the beach, their walk to his house, everything that had been said. He spoke without lying about anything. He did not try to make himself seem less than quick and brave in saving Catherine, nor did he pretend he had not felt a stupid vanity at the thought that he’d been a hero. He talked until he came to the point when she reappeared at the top of his staircase wearing his robe, then began to leave out parts of it. “After her nap she said she was hungry. She didn’t have any clothes with her that she was willing to wear to a restaurant, so I went out for food. When I returned, she was gone. I drove around the area searching for her, but never found her. I waited for hours, left the door unlocked and the lights on in case she came back. The next I heard of her was two days later, when the newspaper reported that she’d been found.”
Sarah Carlson asked, “Did they find a note?”
Lydia shook her head. “No. They always look for one, but it’s not unusual not to leave one.”
Sarah narrowed her eyes at Lydia, but did not say what she was thinking. Mallon knew it was something angry about Lydia’s way of talking. She implied that everything was something that had happened hundreds of times before. There was nothing special or new about what this woman’s only sister had done to herself.
Mallon tried to erase the impression by giving the same answer to her question more gently. “I’m sorry. If she left a note, they haven’t found it yet.” He paused. “We’d like to help you. Are there any other relatives we should speak to, or do you prefer to call them yourself?”
She seemed to be listening more closely to Mallon now, as though she had detected something surprising in his voice. “You feel terrible, don’t you?”
Mallon took two breaths before he answered. “Yes, I do,” he said. He hesitated for a moment, wanting to tell her about his own sister. But he concluded that the impulse was misguided: this was about her sister, her feelings, not his. “I tried to get her to see a doctor at the hospital, offered to take her to a different one if she wanted. She refused, and I let it go. I tried to remind her that life isn’t always the same, and that people get through bad times. I tried to convince her that if she let herself live for another day she might feel better. I failed. I didn’t say enough, or I didn’t say it well, or what I said was stupid and beside the point. I was the last chance, and my arguments weren’t good enough, or I wasn’t good enough. I’m very sorry.”