“No.”
“Then how can you be sure she knows?”
“I’m sure she knows.”
“You men are infuriating, you know that? If you love her, Matt, you need to tell her.”
“I’m afraid that if I do, I’ll lose her.”
“At least you’ll know where you stand and if you have any hope for a future.”
“I’m sorry if I led you on.”
Amanda shakes her head.
“You don’t have anything to apologize for, Matt Brooks. I realized that first day at the picnic when I saw how you were looking at her that she was going to be something special to you. But when time passed and the two of you never seemed to move past the friend stage, I thought, maybe I misread things.”
“You didn’t misread things. I liked her from the start. I don’t think she’s ready for a relationship.”
“Is she still in love with someone else?”
“I don’t think that’s it. I think something happened to her and she’s having a hard time getting over it.”
“Like what?”
“I’m not sure. She won’t talk about it. She just told me that friendship was all she could offer me.”
Amanda places her hand on my arm.
“Be patient, Matt. One day things may change.”
“How long am I supposed to wait? A year? Two?”
“I think that answer depends on how important she is to you and how much you love her.”
I lean over and give her a kiss on the cheek.
“Thank you, Amanda. For everything.”
“Just be sure to invite me to the wedding when it happens.”
I grin and head back toward my truck, wondering if something like that would even be possible with Faith.
Faith
“It looks like you and Amanda have gotten pretty serious these past couple of months,” I comment, trying to keep my tone light and carefree. We’d just made a trip into town to grab some supplies for both of our mothers and a quick bite to eat before heading back home.
He looks over at me with an odd look on his face.
“What?” I ask.
He shakes his head.
“Nothing.”
“You and your sister practically write a book with your expression, but when someone asks what you’re thinking you both say ‘nothing’ when in reality, your face says something serious is going on.”
He stays silent. For a while the environment inside the cab of the truck becomes oppressive and awkward. Suddenly he veers off the road, makes a U-turn and starts driving somewhere I’ve never been before.
“Where are we going?”
“Someplace private.”
“What? Why? What’s going on?”
He doesn’t say anything and about fifteen minutes later we’re parked in front of a small lake I didn’t even know existed. It’s surrounded by trees and little else.
I turn and look at him.
“What do you want, Faith?”
“What do you mean?”
“I asked you out when you first moved here almost two years ago. You made it clear you didn’t want to go out with me. You just wanted to be friends. As hard as that was, I accepted it. But now-”
“Now?” I prompted him.
He rakes his hand through his hair and gets out of the truck, walking toward the lake.
I get out and follow him.
“Have I done something wrong? I’m sorry,” I say, though I’m not quite sure what I’m apologizing for.
“You don’t need to apologize for anything,” he says, his exasperation clearly showing on his face. “You haven’t done anything wrong. It’s me. I’m the problem.”
“Problem? Matt, you’re the least of my problems. You are the kindest, sweetest and most honest person I’ve ever met. I feel like I can tell you anything. I trust you with my life.” I hesitate for a moment before confessing. “You’re my best friend.”
He looks at me.
“That’s the problem,” he steps away from me.
“How is that a problem?”
“Because I’m happy you consider me your best friend and I thought I would be okay with that, but I’m not. Amanda doesn’t mean anything to me, Faith. But you do. You are my best friend, too, but I want so much more than that with you.” I take a step back, not sure if I’m ready to hear his next words. “I’m in love with you, Faith. I think I have been since that first night at my mother’s party. I thought I’d be okay just being your friend. If that’s all I could ever be to you, then I’ll just have to live with that. But I need to get that off my chest and out in the open.”
He takes another deep breath.
“I love you, Faith,” he looks at me. “And not just as my best friend.”
“But all this time you never …”
“I never said anything? It was pretty obvious when you first got here that you weren’t interested in getting involved in a relationship and I respected that. I also swore to you that I would never press you for anything beyond friendship.”
“I remember,” I swallow.
“I’ll honor that promise,” he said. “But I wanted you to know how I feel. I needed to let you know. I couldn’t lie about my feelings anymore. Not to you and not to myself.”
We stand staring at one another for what seems like an eternity.
“Come on,” he finally says, leading me by the hand back to his truck. “I’ll take you home.”
I numbly follow him back to the truck, my legs dragging like heavy weights through the tall grass. I feel like I’m about to lose something precious and my heart aches.
I stop when he opens the door for me to get in.
“You never said anything before,” I whisper, tears stinging the back of my eyes, though I didn’t know why. “You’ve never even tried to kiss me.”
“I promised you I wouldn’t. But I can’t help how I feel about you. The way you looked at me when you asked me about Amanda made me think … never mind.”
“Made you think?”
“Something Ava said to me last week. She told me I should tell you how I feel about you. Amanda said the same thing last night.”
“Amanda?”
“Even she could tell how I feel about you.”
“I never knew …”
He looked at me as though he didn’t believe me.
My heart was beating out of my chest with anxiety and anticipation. I open my mouth to say what’s in my heart, but I close it again and swallow down the lump that is lodged there.
I take a step toward getting into the truck and stop myself. I turn around to face him.
“Kiss me,” I tell him, driven by impulse. I can’t help but smile at the surprised look on his handsome face.
“Faith-“
I reach up, take his face in my hands and slowly, agonizingly bring my face to his until our lips are meeting in the sweetest, most sensual kiss I’ve ever known.
I can feel him holding back. He’s unsure of what to do with this turn of events. I put my arms around his neck and press my body closer into his as the kiss deepens.
Finally, I feel his arms encircle me as we give ourselves fully to this new beginning.
“I love you, too,” I whisper as I raise my face for another kiss, admitting what I’ve known all along. “I love you, too.”
Faith
It’s been a year since Matt and I told one another about our feelings. Every day has been better than the one preceding it.
“Where are we going?” I ask, smiling as he leads me down to what we refer to as our secret place. We regularly go horseback riding together, even in winter and I know exactly where he’s taking me, but for some reason, he seems nervous today.