“Did you try their cellphones?”
“I just did and all four go straight to voicemail.
I walk over and grab my coat.
“Whoa,” Caleb grabs my arm. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“Home,” I say. “I’m going home.”
Faith
I feel sick, like at any moment I’m going to throw up. The only thing that is keeping me together is that I know I have to for Kara’s sake.
I’m frightened for her and I’m worried out of my mind about Jake and Graham. I know I have to trust that God can work miracles, but my faith is waning as I look out the windows into the dismal weather outside.
I heard the shots being fired. Daniel fired off six rounds before returning inside. Did he hit them? Are they lying dead a few yards from our doorstep?
Even if he didn’t hit them with bullets, which I tell myself is likely since he’s probably not a good shot with a handgun, I keep wracking my mind where they could go and find shelter from this storm. I know Jake wouldn’t be able to get to the barn where the horses are. It’s toward the back of the house and Daniel would see them. Even if they did go to the barn, they’d freeze to death.
They would have had to walk straight down our driveway, which is lit and also means Daniel can see with some visibility down the way.
They have no coats on and I cannot fathom how they are staying warm.
Where would they go?
Ava and Caleb’s house.
Jake and I go running every day straight to the edge of their ranch, before we turn around and come home. It’s a seven mile run going and coming, which means it would be three and a half miles one way.
But Jake wouldn’t be heading to the outer edges of that ranch, he’d turn in their drive. That would make the distance around three miles.
Could they make a three mile walk in a blizzard with no coats?
My brain races to calculate the odds of the two boys alone, without coats in fifteen-degree weather making it through the wind and snow for three miles in the dark.
“Mama?” Kara asks. “What are you thinking?”
“I’m trying to figure out where your brothers would go.”
“I’ve been wondering that too. I think Jake will try to get to Aunt Ava’s. You run there every day, rain, snow or shine.”
I nod.
“I just don’t know if they can make it in this storm without coats and it’s dark.”
“Have faith, Mama,” she says. “Isn’t that what you always tell us. Trust that God’s going to take care of them. And us.”
“What are the two of you whispering about?” Daniel breaks into our conversation.
“We’re praying,” I say. “Praying for Jake and Graham’s safety.”
He smirks at me.
“Those boys are as good as dead. I’m pretty sure I hit the older one. I noticed the landscape around here when I was driving. There’s nothing around here for miles. No neighbors, no nothing.”
Kara got ready to speak up, but I silenced her with a look. I overheard the kids talking once about how I could silence their arguments with a look. I guess I can. He didn’t notice Caleb and Ava’s hidden driveway and their home obscured by the trees.
“I saw that,” Daniel said, walking over toward us. “What was that about?”
“Nothing,” I say.
He looks at Kara. “What are you hiding? Is there some secret place you’re not telling me about? Some place they could be hiding?”
Kara shakes her head. “No,” she said. “I’m just hoping all those years spent out with my father will help them some kind of way.”
“Is your father some kind of survivalist?” he asks. He looks at me. “How did you fall in love with a cowboy? How did you meet him?”
I don’t want to talk about Matt with Daniel. I don’t want Daniel to know anything about my life now, but I especially don’t want him to know about my husband, our children and our life together.
“Come on,” he says, seating himself across from me and Kara. “We’ve got all the time in the world.”
Matt
The men look up as I grab my coat and gun and head toward the door.
“Matt,” Caleb steps in front of me. “You are not going out there.”
“Watch me,” I say and try to move past him.
“You’d be signing your own death warrant,” he says. “You know it’ll be at least two days on horseback and that’s on a good day. Even if you thought you could make it, there’s no way the horse will. Besides, if you go, that means I’ll have to go with you and I don’t think Ava will ever forgive you if something happens to me.”
“You don’t have to come. I make my own decisions and I’m doing this on my own.”
I move to get past him and he blocks me again.
“No,” he says, a bit more forcefully. “You’re not going anywhere. I don’t care if I have to knock you out and tie you up to keep you here.”
Frustrated, I throw my coat against the wall.
“Dammit, Caleb. I can’t just sit here and do nothing! My wife and kids are out there, and I don’t know what’s happened to them. What if they got hurt and are sitting at the side of the road somewhere in this blizzard? I’ve got to go find them.”
“For all you know they could be sitting in a hotel in Jackson Hole enjoying a nice dinner and a hot cup of cocoa.”
“Then why hasn’t anyone gotten a message from them that they’re staying in town?”
“I don’t know but killing yourself trying to get home isn’t the answer. That’s a suicide mission.”
I sit down and put my head in my hands, knowing all eyes are on me.
“I can’t live without my family, Caleb,” I say. “I don’t know what I’d do without them.”
“I’m sure they’re okay,” he says. “Faith is a strong woman. Even if they got stuck at the house, she’ll be able to keep herself and your kids safe. And Jake, he’s practically a man. You know he’s not going to let anything happen. And don’t forget about God. He’s watching over your family, Matt. He always is.”
I nod, but the not knowing where my family is and if they’re okay is a gnawing pain that feels like a knife in my gut.
“Something’s not right,” I tell him. “I have felt it over the last forty-eight hours. I kept thinking I was just being paranoid and worrying over nothing. Caleb, I can’t explain it, but there is something very wrong with my family and there is absolutely nothing I can do to help them.”
Caleb sits down beside me and starts to pray over me and I’m thankful. It gives me strength.
I join him and before I know it, the other men are standing with us, praying over our families.
Jake
“Graham!” I yell at my brother. His steps are faltering and he’s shivering uncontrollably. I can feel the wetness of the blood soaking and freezing my shirt. Walking in this snow is like walking in quicksand. “Graham you’ve got to keep walking.”
“I can’t,” he says, his voice sounding sleepy. “You go on without me, Jake. I can’t make it. I’m so tired. Just let me lie down in the snow and go to sleep.”
“No!” I yell at him. “I’m not going to leave you and you are not going to die.”
But as I say the words, Graham collapses. I can’t see anything through the snow and I’m not about to leave my brother to die out here alone.