I clench my teeth against the thoughts circulating through my mind.
“If she still is,” I say, checking my gun’s safety to make sure it’s still on.
“I’m sure she is,” he says, trying to reassure me. But we both know he has no way of knowing that for certain.
“I hope you’re right. I don’t know what I’d do without her. She and those kids are my whole world.”
Faith
“No,” I say, looking at him defiantly.
He aims the gun at my head and looks as though he’ll pull the trigger with my words.
“What did you say to me? I told you to undress.”
“No,” I say again, my heart beating so fast, it’s practically beating outside of my chest. “I’m done with your abuse. I was done with it a long time ago. I don’t know if my sons survived your sick and desperate attempt to hurt me, but at least I know my daughter’s safe and you’ll never get to her. You’re not going to abuse me anymore. If you’re going to rape me, you’ll have to rape my corpse, because I will never lie down and take your abuse again.”
I watch his face and prepare myself to die. I say my prayers and await to meet my maker.
But death doesn’t come. He just looks angry. Angrier than I’ve ever seen him. His body is actually shaking with it.
He doesn’t know this person standing in front of him. He doesn’t know me at all. In my mind, I calculate how good of a shot he would be if I made a run for the master bedroom. I doubt he’s been at the practice range shooting like we do practically every day.
If I can make it to the master bedroom, I can lock myself inside and maybe, just maybe have enough time to get to the master closet and the gun safe. Would I have time to unlock the code and get one of the guns out?
They’re already loaded. Of that much I am certain.
I weigh my options. It’s either that or sit here and let him beat me to death, which is exactly what he’s considering at this very moment.
A gun is too quick. Too easy. There won’t be enough pain and torture involved to make him feel better.
I watch as he takes a step towards me, unbuckling his belt.
It’s now, or never.
Jake
“Aunt Ava, if you don’t think it will be too hard on the horses, I’m strong enough to make it back to my house. If I have to, I’ll walk. It’s only three miles. I run at least six with mom almost every day.”
She looks at Alexis as though he wants confirmation from her that she thinks I’m strong enough.
“I think you can make it, Jake,” she says. “I’m just afraid of what we’ll find once we get there.”
I nod in acknowledgement of her fears. I’m afraid too and don’t know what I may find once I finally get back to the ranch.
“If you’re going,” Graham says. “Then I’m going too.”
“I don’t think you’re strong enough yet,” I say to him. As if to prove me wrong, he throws the covers off and stands up. This time he doesn’t sway.
“I know I don’t go running like you, but I’m strong and I can keep up.”
“We’ll go together,” Aunt Ava says. “Let me get the horses saddled.”
“And the guns,” I call after her. “Both Graham and I are experienced. He can handle a gun just as good as I can.”
She looks at us both and gives a nod.
I stand up and look around for my shoes, finding them. Graham gets his shoes on as well.
“You can wear my coat,” Alexis says, handing her woolen pea coat to Graham. He thanks her and slips it on.
“Wear the hat too,” I say. “We don’t need anyone to get too cold on this trek.”
“If we leave in the next twenty minutes, how long do you think it will take for us to get back to our house?”
I look at the clock as I slip another one of Uncle Caleb’s sweaters over my head for added warmth, trying not shiver at the memory of almost freezing to death a just few days ago.
“About an hour,” I say. “It will take the horses about that long to walk in the snow. It will be getting close to sundown by then, so we should probably bring along flashlights. It’ll be dark by the time we get there.”
“That’s good,” Aunt Ava says. “He won’t be able to see much in the dark.”
I nod.
“I think that’s what saved me and Graham the other night. I heard him firing shots, but the accuracy of a handgun isn’t that great, and I doubt he spends much time practicing. He couldn’t see us, and he didn’t have accurate aim.”
I watch as she goes to the kitchen and returns with three flashlights and extra batteries.
“Thank you,” I say as she hands one of the flashlights to me.
We all finish getting dressed for the weather. Alexis and Anna are fighting back tears as they hug their mother. We head outside where the three horses are saddled and waiting. I grunt against the pain in my arm as I hoist myself into the saddle and look into the mid-afternoon sun melting the surrounding snow. The dripping of the ice from the roof makes a hard splash every time it hits.
“I’ll be glad when winter’s over,” Anna says, walking up behind Alexis and taking her hand.
“Me too,” Alexis says, watching us head out. “Be careful and don’t let anything happen to my mom.”
“I won’t,” I promise, hoping my own mother is still alive.
Matt
“We’re about an hour away,” I say, squinting against the afternoon sun.
“It’s just after four, barring anything unforeseen, we’ll get to the ranch somewhere between five and five-thirty.”
“The sooner, the better,” I say. “If that man has harmed one hair on my family’s head …”
“I know,” Caleb reassures me. “I don’t think anyone would fault you for protecting your family, Matt. I’ve got your back.”
“I wished I’d not ignored that sick feeling in my gut telling me something wasn’t right. If I’d known. If I’d turned back.”
“It’s not your fault, Matt. You couldn’t have known.”
I look over at him.
“Logically, I realize that, but my mind keeps going over the what ifs. What if I’d stayed home? What if I’d been there to protect them?”
“We could all play that game, my friend. About anything. We have to trust that God is watching out for them and taking care of them. It’s out of our hands and in His, no matter what the outcome. Hold onto your faith, brother. No matter what we find when we get to the house, hold onto your faith.”
I nod in agreement, but my mind has gone to some pretty terrible places in the last several days. I have hardly been able to sleep or eat on this journey back toward my family. I dread what I might find when I walk through the front door of my once peaceful home.
Faith
I ease myself up, mentally checking again for any injuries that could slow me down in my run. I calculate the distance between where I am and the bedroom I share with Matt. How long will it take for me to get there and lock the door? Once inside, I’ll be able to get to the master bathroom and our closet where the gun safe is located.
I say a silent prayer, look over his shoulder and pretend to be shocked.
“Thank God he’s home!”
It wasn’t much, but it was enough time to get him to look over his shoulder for a brief moment and see that nothing was there. That small lapse gave me enough time to run. And I’ve never run so fast in my life.