“Thank you, Mariz,” he said, his tone dry. “That’s what I wanted to hear.”
Mariz grinned before pushing the door shut.
Chapter Sixteen
It being Sunday morning, the streets were relatively empty. Ethan took advantage of the circumstance by following Summer Street to the edge of the Common and then walking up Common Street to Treamount and finally on to Sudbury and the Dowsing Rod.
As he neared the tavern, he saw Kannice emerge from within, a red woolen cape draped over shoulders, her auburn hair shining in the morning sun. She locked the door and turned to make her way toward the West Meeting House. Noticing him, she halted.
They stood thus for what seemed an age. Kannice’s expression remained grave.
“You’re alive,” she said, breaking the hard silence.
“Aye.”
“I would have liked to know that. I would have liked to know something.”
“I didn’t…” He shook his head, unsure of exactly what he had intended to say.
“You didn’t what? Didn’t stop to think that perhaps I’d be concerned? Didn’t take the time to send a note or get word to someone?”
She walked to where he stood, eyeing him critically, her gaze lingering on the spot where Fleming had hit him: a bruise he had forgotten to heal.
“You don’t look so bad,” she said at last. “Have you been hurt? In gaol? Held captive by Sephira Pryce?”
“None of those, no.”
“Then what’s happened to you, Ethan? Where have you been for the past two nights?”
“Cooper’s Alley, alone in my room.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m afraid of what might happen if I’m in your tavern with a crowd of men. Because I don’t trust my conjuring power anymore. Because Nate Ramsey is alive and back in Boston, and everywhere I go he’s using me-my power-to wreak havoc.”
She canted her head to the side, her brow creasing. “I’m sorry. That’s … You’re sure it’s Ramsey?”
“Aye, beyond doubt.”
A church bell began to toll to the north and west. Kannice looked over her shoulder and then faced Ethan again, an apology in her blue eyes.
“I have to go.”
“I know. I’m sorry, Kannice. You’re right. I should have … I should have gotten word to you somehow, even if just to say that I was all right and that I was missing you.”
“It doesn’t sound like you’re all right. Why did you come here?”
“I thought it would be safe, at least for a while. And I wanted to see you.”
She smiled at that. Glancing once more toward the church, she pulled out her key and handed it to him. “Go inside. Wait for me. I’ll be back in an hour or so.”
He took the key from her; he wanted to kiss her, but he sensed that she didn’t want him to, which was something new and entirely unwelcome in their relationship. “All right,” he said. “Thank you.”
Her gaze lingered on his for a second longer. Then she turned and hurried away.
Ethan let himself into the tavern. A fire burned low in the hearth, and the great room smelled faintly of chowder and fresh bread. He removed his gloves and coat, put another log on the fire, and pulled a chair up in front of the hearth.
She had every right to be angry with him; he knew this. There was no shortage of ways he might have let her know that he was safe-he could even have sent an illusion spell to her. She deserved such consideration given all that she did for him, and all that she had endured in their years together.
He sensed, though, that she wanted more from him, or else nothing at all. She had made no secret of her wishes: She wanted him to give up thieftaking and his room over Henry’s shop, to live with her here at the Dowser and help her run the tavern. She had never said that she wished to marry, at least not in so many words. But that might have been because he had made clear to her years ago that he never had any intention of marrying.
Once more he thought of the night more than a week before when he had seen her at the bar, laughing with a stranger. He didn’t doubt the love they shared, nor did he think that she would ever cuckold him. But perhaps she had started to imagine for herself a different life, one in which the absence of her man from her bed didn’t make her worry that he had been killed in the streets of Boston. She was as beautiful now as the day he met her, and still young enough to bear children. He didn’t know if she wanted that; he had never thought to ask, and she knew him too well to bring it up.
He was still sitting and staring at the flames, ruminating on all of this, when Kannice returned from church. He stood as she came inside. She faltered at the sight of him, but then she walked behind the bar, hung her cape on a hook, and tied her hair back.
“Have you eaten anything?” she asked.
“No.”
“What can I fix for you? I’m going to have some eggs and ham.”
“I’m not really hungry.”
“You’re saying that to save me work. It’s no trouble.” Her smile was too bright, too brittle.
“I thought you’d want to talk,” Ethan said.
“That’s all right. I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you earlier. I shouldn’t have said those things.” She pointed toward the kitchen. “I’m going to have some breakfast. You should have something.”
“You were right to say what you did. And I want to talk to you about it.”
Her smile faded. Ethan pulled another chair from a nearby table and set it next to his own before the hearth.
“Come sit with me.”
Kannice’s cheeks had gone pale. She joined him by the fire and sat, her hands folded in her lap, her gaze fixed on the flames. They said nothing for several minutes; Ethan thought that he ought to start the conversation, but he wasn’t sure how to begin.
“Some nights back,” he began, “when I was still working for Lillie, I was here, sitting with Diver and Deborah, and I saw you speaking with another man.”
She looked at him. “I speak with lots of men.”
“I know that. This one was young and handsome; he made you laugh. And-”
“Do you think I’m interested in another man, and that’s why I said those things to you?”
He shook his head. “No. But it made me think that you could do better than to spend your time with me.”
She started to object, but he raised a finger to his lips.
“Do you want children, Kannice?”
Her eyes went wide. “Children? Dear Lord, Ethan, what were you thinking about while I was gone?”
His cheeks warmed. “You. The two of us. Do you want children?”
She gazed at him for some time before heaving a sigh and turning back to the fire. “There was a time when I did. Rafe and I spoke of having children. We were very young and newly married, and having children was what a young, newly married girl was supposed to do.”
“And now?”
“And now I’m thirty-two and a widow and I own a tavern, and I don’t know how I would fit children into my life.” She reached over and took his hand. “But, Ethan, I wasn’t angry with you this morning because I want children, any more than I was angry with you because I want another man in my life. I have the man I want.”
“But…?”
She took a breath. “But I want a different life with him than the one we have now. And I’m not sure he wants the same thing.”
“You want me to give up thieftaking.”
He thought she would demur, but her gaze remained steady as she said, “Yes.”
Ethan looked away. “It’s been hard recently, I know.”
“It’s always hard. If it’s not Sephira Pryce trying to kill you, it’s Ramsey, or Simon Gant, or Caleb Osborne, or half a dozen others I can think of off the top of my head. When I heard nothing from you two nights ago, I was worried. When you didn’t show up last night, I thought … I thought you might be dead.” Tears glistened in her eyes. “I’m not sure how much longer I can live with that kind of fear.”
“I’m good at what I do. I’ve been thieftaking for ten years now, and I haven’t been killed even once.”
A choked laugh escaped her, but then she sobered once more. “You can’t stay young forever.”