“Hey, you,” she said, smiling widely when she saw me. I felt a smile appear on my own face as I stood. She met me in the middle of my room, stepping into my arms and kissing me.
In some subtle way, Sarah was a different person to me now. At first, she was just some chick I thought was hot. Then we talked a bit, and then we slept together. But now we’d been in combat together, bled together, buried a friend together. We were more than friends and lovers now. We were comrades.
“Hey yourself,” I said, not letting go of her. “What’s going on?”
“What’s that in your hand?” she asked, indicating the strange trinket I was holding.
I held it up. “I don’t really know, but watch this.” I twisted the knob again, causing the pins and teeth to reappear. Another twist of the knob retracted them.
“Wow,” Sarah said, taking it from my hand to examine it. “Where’d you get this? It’s pretty.”
Suddenly, I felt uncomfortable. “I found it the other night,” I said, sitting back down on my bed. “It was in a safe in Adar’s house.”
Sarah looked down at the trinket, apparently not bothered by where I’d gotten it. “Why didn’t you report it?”
I shrugged. “Hunter didn’t ask about it, so I figured they weren’t looking for it anyway. It’s just some doodad I found. I’ve collected a bunch of crap since I’ve been here, you know. Besides, I forgot about it. That was kind of a bad night.”
The expression on Sarah’s face changed subtly. “Yeah, it was,” she said. All at once I felt butterflies in my stomach. Something was bothering her. “We need to talk about that,” she said.
I sighed, lowering my eyes. “Okay.” I patted the bed next to me so Sarah would sit down. “So let’s talk.”
“You hurt me,” she said, crossing her legs as she sat down. “I came in here trying to help you. You screamed at me, swore at me, and told me to get out.” Sarah’s voice was perfectly calm as she spoke. I felt like curling up into a ball.
“I was drunk,” I said after a moment. Sarah’s eyes flashed. I raised my hands in surrender before she got too upset. “I’m not using that as an excuse,” I said quickly. “I’m really not. It’s just a fact. I had a bad night. Seeing that girl . . . it just . . . I was still in shock. I couldn’t handle it. It doesn’t matter, though. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. Like you said, you were trying to help me, and I pushed you away. I’m sorry. I’m not just saying I’m sorry, either, I really mean it. I . . . I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“Well, you did,” she said coldly, fidgeting with the key in her hands. I started to say something, but she interrupted me. “But you know what? It’s okay. I mean, it’s not okay, but it’s okay.”
I gave her a sidelong glance, not really sure what to say. Sarah laughed, lightening the mood in the room just a little bit. “Have I mentioned I’m crazy?” she asked.
“I gathered,” I said, allowing myself a half smile.
“I’m also confused.” Sarah exhaled heavily and continued fiddling with the key, trying to think of what to say. “After the other night, I think I got it,” she said. “I mean . . . Jesus Christ, I killed a guy, and I cried my eyes out. You go out and do that every day, and they just expect you to keep on doing it and not break down. You broke down, didn’t you?”
I looked down at the floor, lowering my head just a little. “When I saw that girl, I . . .”
“I know,” Sarah said quietly. “I know. It really bothers you when men hurt women, doesn’t it?”
I was surprised by the question. “I guess. I mean . . .”
“I can tell,” she said. “Even when you were dragging Asra Elnadi along, you were very careful with her. You probably didn’t even bruise her arm.”
“I would’ve shot her if she ran,” I said levelly. “Just like I was ordered to.”
“I know,” Sarah said. “It would’ve bothered you for a long time, though, wouldn’t it?” I nodded my head slightly. “I read your file. I know about your mom. That had to have been awful.”
I had just been a teenager when she’d been robbed and murdered by some random meth-heads. “It was, but it’s been a really long time.”
“I didn’t get you at first, you know,” she said. “I mean, you’re cute and everything, but I didn’t think you’d be good for much more than a roll in the hay.”
“You think I’m cute?” I interjected, trying to deadpan.
“Shut up,” Sarah said, grinning and giving me a little shove. “I’m serious. I didn’t think we’d . . . you know . . .”
“Yeah,” I said. “This is kind of intense, isn’t it?”
Sarah nodded. “But I get it now. I know you guys are under a lot of pressure out there. I mean, oh my God, look at how many people we’ve lost already!”
“Sarah—”
“I’m not finished. That doesn’t change what happened. I came here to help you. You yelled at me and made me feel like a piece of shit.” Sarah’s cool words hurt me like I was being stabbed. “And I need to know where we stand, right now. Because if this is how you are . . . I’m sorry, I mean, I know what you’re going through now, but if this is how you are, I’m not going to be a part of it. I spent three years in a bad relationship, and I’m not going through it again.”
I was quiet for a few moments as I tried to figure out what to say. The thought of driving her away terrified me. The thought of trying to build a relationship with her, in the middle of war, also terrified me. I wasn’t sure which scared me more. Sarah gave me a hard look, swallowed, and spoke again. “Mike, if you want me in your life . . .”
“I want you in my life,” I said awkwardly. “You’re just . . . you’re amazing. I can’t even tell you. I—”
Sarah gently placed a finger over my lips, silencing me. “It’s okay. I just needed to hear you say that. Thank you.”
We sat together, quietly looking into each other’s eyes for a long time. Butterflies danced around in my stomach, and I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Right then I knew that I was falling in love with her. It was an amazing feeling, and it scared the hell out of me. I didn’t even know if either of us was going to make it out of Zubara alive.
As I looked into her eyes, I asked myself, is it worth the risk? I realized that I’d already made my decision, even before I asked the question. This woman had seen me at my best and at my worst, and she still wanted to be with me. What kind of fool passes that up?
I took the silvery trinket from Sarah’s hand, opened the chain, and gently hung it around her neck. She’d said it was pretty.
“Are you giving me this thing? Too cheap to buy me a real present?” She laughed.
“I found this thing that night,” I said awkwardly. “So . . . I’m giving it to you, as a promise of a fresh start.”
Sarah crinkled her brow at me. “That is so cheesy, but really sweet too. So yes, I accept your token of apology.” She laughed again. “Oh, I almost forgot. You’re off for the next three days at least.”
“The next three days? Are you serious?”
“I talked to Hunter for you. I convinced him you and your chalk need a break. So you don’t have anything to do for the next three days but lounge around the fort and relax.”
“What about you?”
“I have a briefing I have to be at in . . .” Sarah glanced at her watch. She wore it upside down, so that the face was on the underside of her right wrist. “Four hours. I don’t have anything to do until then.”
“I can think of something,” I said coyly, knowing I sounded more dorky than suave.
“Oh really?” Sarah said, sounding coy herself, as she moved in to kiss me again. “Sounds interesting . . .”
Some time later, Sarah and I lay together in my bed. She was asleep in my arms. Her hair smelled like strawberries. She was a quiet sleeper.