. .
Audrina’s body was so tight it was scary. Reeyonna got self-conscious; her stomach was getting giant, her back was killing her, & she couldn’t imagine looking or feeling glamorous ever again. She wasn’t even sure she ever did.
The interviewer said, “What’s your favorite reality show?”
Audrina said, “Cake Boss.”
“O! Cake Boss was cancelled!”
“It was?”
“Yes! Audrina I’m so sorry!”
When the Q&A ended, Rikki thought Reeyonna wanted to meet her so he started drifting with the mob toward the stage. But when he looked back, ReeRee just shook her head and trudged to the EXIT.
. .
www.mischabartonhandbags.com
. .
There was a lot of casting going on but it was hard to tell for what. People were even signing up to be videotaped by casting agents. There were booths with different websites for actors — ones that told them what was being cast, ones that sent them audition sites, ones for uploading videos.
. .
Tom-Tom had butterflies at the American Idol panel.
Blake Lewis was there, & Mikalah Gordon from Season 4. The rest were Season 9s except for Kimberley Locke. Kimberley was in Tom-Tom’s season, Season 3. They were talking about how they bonded with fans. One Idol said she even became friends with her webmaster.
Tom-Tom wrote down random shit she heard in her trapper keeper: suddenly the show BLEW UP… take it to the next level… follow my dream, follow my passion… Don’t be underwhelming!… I’m a girlie-girl… Karina Smirnoff/DWTS: dance studio, beauty line— ‘girlactik’
At the end, about twenty people went to the stage to have their picture taken with the Idols. Tom-Tom was going to say hello to Kimberley but decided to catch her after she performed, later in the day.
. .
Reeyonna really wanted to see Kris & Bruce Jenner but they didn’t show. Eric Roberts didn’t show either, and neither did Mischa. Rikki said Tom-Tom said Bruce Jenner had a hundred-million dollars. ReeRee wanted to see what people looked like who had a hundred-million dollars, if they looked different.
They passed an Extreme Makeover: Home Edition booth. ReeRee said they should get those people to do Betty White’s house. That really cracked Rikki up, which made ReeRee happy.
. .
Tom-Tom was finally recognized by a handsome fortysomething actor who struck up a conversation. He said he almost made the cut of the Gigolos pilot, Showtime’s reality series about male escorts servicing female clients in Las Vegas. He tried again for the second season, but it was a no-go. She was very anxious to hear his story.
. .
Reeyonna dug into her beef enchiladas while Rikki was in the head. She felt like a fat pig. Ew gross. A youngish, wholesome-looking man with barbershop quartet muttonchops came over. He said he was a casting agent, looking for pregnant girls.
“You’re not from MTV, are you?” she said with a smile.
“No but sometimes I wish I was.” He said it in an appealing, jokey way. Friendly, sweet, not pervy or pushy. “Say what you will, it’s pretty darn hard to argue with their success. And longevity.”
He gave her his card and left.
She felt like a fatter pig. Gross.
She saw Rikki throw something into the trash on his way over. She asked him what it was, and he wouldn’t say. He had that look he gets when he huffs.
“Did you whip it?” He just smiled. He was blazed. “Where’d you get the can? Did you bring it?”
He just smiled.
. .
That night Tom-Tom met him for a drink on Melrose at a restaurant owned supposedly by Lauren Conrad. He said he was “a working actor” & Mark Wahlberg’s 2nd cousin and sometime camera double. He said his real passion was making furniture. Mark had a lot of his pieces. So did Robbie Robertson, Alanis Morissette, Moby, Eddie Vedder, Dave Grohl, & Rufus Wainwright’s manager. She told him about her vision. He said he’d love to see the house so they went up.
Bolt had the biggest dick she’d ever seen.
EXPLICIT [Jerzy&Rikki]
“Larry
Fishburne didn’t do you any favors you know.”
He’d been spending time with Jerzy since he lost the part. He was bored & Jerzy let him ride along during work. (Plus J had more time to hang because he was spending less of it with Tom-Tom since the Gigolos reject moved in; tho Tom-Tom already gave Bolt his own room, he was staying with her in the master 96 % of the time.) Rikki said to Reeyonna, Your brother’s crazy for real but he’s cool. We’re down.
They sped from one location to another as Jerzy got tweeted various 
whereabouts. Rikki asked who was tweeting him & Jerzy said “my tweethearts.” Rikki stayed in the car smoking Romulan Queen whenever Jerzy got out to do his pap thing.
“I think Larry Fishburne’s a fuckin MANTIS. He saw you in that room sitting very still at the feeder & clocked you as a little black hummingbird.”
Rikki was blazed; J’s rap wasn’t helping the zituation.
“Hummingbird. Dude what do you mean.”
“What do you mean, ‘what do you mean?’? What do I mean? What do YOU mean.”
Jerzy never took his eyes off the road. His smile was cheap & voracious, like a 3rd cousin of the Joker.
They rocketed toward an odd threesome supposedly lunching at Ago: Heather Morris, Michael Douglas, & Natalie Portman’s husband the dancer.
. .
He thought Tom-Tom was kidding.
She said she read online that the role had been cast. He said To who? She said, Nobody I know. Like, an unknown. Rikki said, But I was an unknown. She said, You still are, pumpkin. Rikki kept echo chambering What? all puzzled-looking & kooky. What? What? What? Then he stopped saying What? & started saying Fuck. He moped/paced from room to room then out he’d go, walking the circumference of the pool like a schmuckfaced, loserkook, crowing, canting, barking, bitching, sighing, shrieking, ululating/murmuring fukFUKfukFUKfuk like an actor trying on attitudes, searching for the inflection that best suited his role, now highvoiced, now low as Tyler duh Creator. He offered the guttural wordstring to the Void, dipped his stubbed toe in nothingness.
The boy who cried fuk.
. .
Jerzy felt bad for him. Anyone could see the kid had hi apple pie in the sky hopes. Probably thought it was a lock. Gunna be the new black whom-evuh, nubian screen god, BET supersizeme superstar. Bangin Rihanna for real, not Reeyonna, I mean Jerzy loved his little sissy but that Reeyonna shit was fuckin retarded whitegirl shit. & not even, ’cause sissy wasn’t even white trash, which would at least have given her ½ an excuse. My little sissy calls herself Reeyonna was not some shit he’d be hurrying to share with Suge.