. .
She xanaxscrolled through the CHANNEL MENU GUIDE: news, news, infomercial, Cheers in Spanish, sports sports sports, House, Kardashian, Kardashian, Hell’s Kitchen. Some anchorperson was offering tips on how to explain political assassination to your kids. Julian Assange was hosting SNL—no. Can it be? Maybe that’s Bill Maher. But why would Bill Maher be hosting SNL?
She scrolled down, down, down…
Michael Douglas and Laurence Fishburne were on Jimmy Kimmel. Everyone was in high antic spirits. Everyone was laughing, everyone was rich, everyone was cancer-free. Jimmy Kimmel kept saying let’s talk about your movie, why don’t you want to talk about your movie, & Michael said I don’t want to talk about it, ain’t even a movie yet, we’re still shooting. Jimmy Kimmel said something & Gwen missed it & Michael’s response was Don’t be an asshole, they bleeped out asshole, & Laurence Fishburne was laughing so hard (he hadn’t said anything the whole time, he just laughed) that Gwen thought he looked stoned off his gourd. The audience was having a blast, they already loved Michael because of his cancer victory, his comic humility about it, his elegant courageousness, the model of how everyone dreamed they’d handle their own diagnosis, they loved that he didn’t drop by the show to sell something. Gwen caught herself thinking, Wouldn’t it be funny if Michael didn’t have cancer too? That would be so nice for Telma, to have a friend that went through the same thing then stopped herself. Trafficking again…
Jimmy Kimmel got serious & said he understood that Michael had brought along a very special friend who was backstage. Michael said that’s right, she’s in the wings. He said he was hosting a fundraiser at the end of the week, the Courage Ball, they raise money every year for kids with cancer, & his friend was going to be the guest of honor. She’s got a helluva voice too but she’s not gunna sing tonight, not for the kind of money you people offer. She came all the way from Canada to be here. Jimmy Kimmel said he met her before the show, she’s a very special girl, then he asked Michael if there was something else that made her special. Michael said yes, she’s the youngest breast cancer survivor in the world the audience gasped and applauded then cut short their applause, to save it for her she was diagnosed at 2½ and had a modified radical mastectomy at three the breath of the audience got choppy with that awful detail, a kind of groan and the taking back of the groan all at once, in decency & respect for the little girl because the audience didn’t want her imminent arrival to have any air of spectacle, this child deserved being met at her level, with decency & respect, they didn’t want to subject her ears to carnival sounds, because she was Everychild. Then Michael, with playful irritation said, Jesus, can we bring her out already, Jimmy? The audience laughed & out she came (holdng Mom’s hand) in her dear pink glasses, with her bear called Bear, in her party dress and hair done up atop her head, the audience awwwww’d like they do when animal experts bring out perfect tiny lorises, tiger cubs (& baby bears called Bear), they melted & stood on their feet as she clambered onto the couch and into Michael’s arms.
EXPLICIT [Reeyonna]
Subterranean Homesick Blues
Not
feeling well. Physically depressed, emo-depressed. Shit spiritual. Doesn’t leave her room. Rikki brings melty Yogurtland. Rikki craigslistbought a new used motorcycle, where did he get the bread. ReeRee only eats Rocky Road. Rikki picks up Rocky Road from 7Eleven when he doesn’t feel like riding over to Y-land on La Brea, she likes Ben & Jerry’s but it’s ice cream, I’m like 200 lbs overweight, can you please just go to why can’t you please just go to Yogurtland? When he delivers the ice cream he tries to cheer her up but she hates that he’s so wasted. You’re gunna die on that bike and your baby will never know you. She can thank big brother for that. What an asshole. Loser. Looser.
. .
YouTube tripping. Kat Stacks talking about how she fucked all the brokass niggers in youngmoney. Kreayshawn talking about Kat Stacks being a ratchet ho. A slideshow tour of Beyoncé’s million-dollar Mercedes van. (It has a shower and toilet.) ReeRee still couldn’t believe Brody Jenner was the ½brother of all the Kardashians, everyone in that family was famous. Reeyonna hated that she’d been born this way, Lady Gaga should have written a song not about people who were born different but about people who were born to remain nothing until they died. She used to think she could never get famous because she had no discernible talent, tho look at Kim, Khloé & Kourtney. But even they had talent, major talent, it was just harder to say what it was, & that was part of the mystique.
She cried herself to sleep after watching 3½ hours of Kendall & Kylie Jenner and Janet Devlin. There were hundreds of videos Kylie and Kendall uploaded, karaoking to Nicki Minaj, they made funny videos in their bikinis with their friends from different exotic places, jumping around & laughing, so beautiful were their bodies, sometimes they did the videos from their room which was bigger than her mother’s house, they were always in front of the cameras, they were growing up on camera, it was a natural thing for them, like a second language, you could tell they were in Paradise, she wanted so much to be a Kardashian. Janet Devlin lived on a beautiful farm in N Ireland like Rapunzel in Tangled/her castle, she had long beautiful straw-red hair too & one day she flew to Liverpool for The X Factor auditions and became immortal. It was exactly like Bella Swan, Reeyonna had that same nightmarish feverpitched painful yearning in every fiber of her being for the elixir of fame, she wanted to be a Kardashian or Janet Devlin, she wanted to suddenly be inside their bodies, it was the same yearning she had for Vampire Life & the elixir of immortality when she saw her 1st Twilight at 12 years-old — OMG she’d watched every single one of the Kendall Kylie Janet Devlin YouTubes, Janet sang all of her songs in a small room of her isolated country home, millions & millions of people watched, you could see cars in the window whizzing by & the reflection of herds of goats in the glass. OMG when she sang that Regina Spektor song Us. . . …