I’ll never be famous I’ll never be thanking stadium fans for not giving up on me never be saying FUCK Y’ALL to my h8trs, I’ll never even HAVE h8trs, I just want to die!
. .
She got an email from a company that stored the blood from your baby’s umbilical cord.
It’s nature’s own insurance
The umbilical cord delivers nutrients and oxygen to your unborn child and contains specialized cells with great potential to generate healthy new cells and aid in the treatment of numerous diseases. As a result, more and more parents are opting to collect and store their child’s cord blood.
What were they even talking about?
. .
Rikki’s fosterdad called. Jim never presses, only suggests. He’s cool & methodical, a retired engineer. Rikki said he used to work on rockets. Jim says, You know there’s a bed waiting for you here, Reeyonna. Your privacy would absolutely be respected, I make you that promise. No unexpected visitors & that means you know who. Dawn & I will make sure of that. Ree just couldn’t say yes, she knew it was only her stubbornness, she knew that staying with Jim & Dawn was the best idea, probably the best place to be at this time, the best place for her new little family. To get the help & support she needed. Cause Rikki sure as shit wasn’t going to provide it, he couldn’t even get her fuckin yogurt. Reeyonna said haltingly, Did she say anything about the cameras? She kind of thought he knew or she probably wouldn’t have mentioned it. Jim said, She wasn’t too thrilled. If you wanted to hurt her, mission accomplished. But I think your mother understood why you did it from your point of view. That doesn’t excuse or minimize it, Reeyonna, but she said she understood. Anyway, none of my business. I just called to say what I said—& I’m glad you picked up! Reeyonna thought it was cool Jim didn’t bring up the cameras until she did. She said, Yeah, and it’s funny I did pick up because I haven’t really been using my phone like at all. Jim said, I just want you to know that my wife & I are offering you sanctuary. For our grandchild… ReeRee said, I’ll think about it, Jim, thank you, let me think about it, knowing she wouldn’t. We all said Jim just want that baby to be healthy, that’s priority number 1. Reeyonna said, Absolutely, & thank you Jim, you’ve always been so great. I’ll really think about it, OK? (Knowing she wouldn’t, that the weed of her pride prevented her.) We don’t want him or her growing up to be a gypsy because his mom was wandering around (engineer humor). Jim, I have to get off now. He said, All right, Reeyonna, thank you for hearing me out. We’re here for you, for you & Rikki & the baby. She said, I know that, Jim, & I really appreciate it. You’ve always — you & Dawn — you’ve always been so good to me, so fair. You’re like the parents I wish I could have had. How is Dawn, is she doing OK? (Some awkwardness there for Ree.) Jim said, Dawn’s fine, doing well, thank you for asking. (ReeRee knew about Dawn’s troubles thru Rikki.) And how are you? inquired ReeRee, suddenly Our Miss Manners of selfless telephone etiquette. You doin OK? Jim said, Me? Can’t complain. I woke up this morning & said, Welp I’m still on the right side of the dirt, guess I’ll make a pot of coffee. ReeRee laughed. What a sweet man. She had a pig for a mother and an asshole father who sent her postcards on her bdays, it was so interesting to see there were good parents in the world. Rikki said there was a court date set for the adoption. Jim said, Yup. We’re finally going to make the boy legal.
A few more lobs & volleys, then:
— Reeyonna, will you do me a favor?
— Totally.
— I’ve got a money order for $500 with your name on it.
— No no! Jim, that’s OK—
— It’s from Dawn & she wanted me to give it to Rikki to give to you. So that’s what I’m going to do.
— No really Jim you’ve given too much al———
— Now here’s the favor. You said you’d do me a favor.
— OK, yes. I will. What is it.
— The favor is, you have to accept Dawn’s money order & say thank you.
— That’s the favor? she said with a half-smile.
— Yup.
— OK. That’s so sweet.
— That’s terrific. Dawn will be very glad. Now you take care.
— I love you. And please say hi to Dawn. And thank her for the money order.
— You bet I will.
— I’m going to write her a little note. I’ll give it to Rikki.
— She’d love to hear from you. It’s not necessary, but I know that she would.
— I love you, Jim.
— You take care now Reeyonna. (Hangs up)
. .
Tom-Tom started hounding them (again) about the rent. She wanted like two-thousand-dollars. Fucking outrageous.
They had a week to pay. To make things worse, Tom-Tom told Reeyonna she had to switch rooms with Bolt so he could have the bigger, nicer room (tho of course Tom-Tom didn’t put it that way). Which pissed ReeRee off because it was just a bullshit powerplay, the dude-ho always slept w/Tom-Tom anyway. When Ree protested now no one else was paying rent, Tom-Tom said that her brother was, & that being her 
s, Daydream Believers were exempt. Reeyonna said Hey put me in the cast, you can just say I was a Teen Mom reject, Tom-Tom thought about it for about a second before saying no. ReeRee couldn’t understand why not, she thought it was a totally rad idea, maybe the best she’d ever had.
Tom-Tom said she was getting lots of responses from potential bad news bears & soon the temple on the Mount would be filled with righteous loosers. To date, she had just-a-gigolo Bolt (who Dr Phil joked had a screw loose); Intervention Dr Phil; a baker’s apprentice from Cake Boss (coming next week from Portland); a kid from Season One of Bait Car who just got out of jail on grand theft auto, said he got time off for bad behavior hawhawhaw and would be Greyhounding from FL as soon as he could clear it with his probation officer; & a retired ticketing officer from Parking Wars. T2 was still thinking about letting the Alaskan dyke with a semi-moustache who crashed her rig in Ice Road Truckers join their crew, she had to admit from their phone conversations that the chick was a hoot. She said the truckers called fuel “motion lotion.” Tom-Tom said, Hey, we call it crank. But gimme some.
Tom-Tom was having a big romance with this creepy gel’d hair guy she met at that lame convention. His claim to fame was getting cut from the final round of auditions of a reality show about mostly menopausal women who hired hardish-bodied, orange-tanned manwhores for sex. Barf. (Reeyonna watched one of the episodes with Rikki, there was a married couple who got off having the husband watch his wife get fucked, only the husband didn’t seem too happy about it, R&R couldn’t even believe seemingly somewhat normalish people were agreeing to put their twisted shit on camera. Showtime probably had to pay them, Rikki thought maybe like $20,000.) Of course being the looser that he is, loose Bolt wasn’t actually in any of the episodes, being featured instead on Gigolos Behind the Scenes Online (onscreen time: 1 minute 48 seconds) throwing a hissy fit when they said pack your sixpack & your ding dong, amigo, cause you’re leaving Las Vegas. How fucking lame was that?